Friday, December 27, 2013

December 27, 2013

I play this video to remind women that they aren't powerless, and they can strike fear in the hearts of men.

She was crushed when she found out that he couldn't be trusted... but it hurt even more that he didn't care to regain her trust.

Cracker Barrel restaurants initially stopped selling Duck Dynasty merchandise in support of the backlash against cast member Phil Robertson's public statements against gay lifestyles. However, after only one day, they backpedalled on that decision because of outraged customers. Ironic, isn't it, that Robertson held fast to his position.

By the way, Robertson also made statements that were anti-black people. According to spokespeople from the A&E network, Robertson was taken off the air because his anti-gay stance were especially offensive to the numerous gay employees. Do they not have black employees? Or is that offense less of an issue? Or is that less news-worthy?

A 27-year-old man in Texas was playing "the knockout game". In this game, one uses his (or her) smartphone to record himself (or herself) approach a total stranger and try to knock the victim unconscious with one punch, then flee the scene. In this case, the Texan broke the jaw of a 78-year-old man, then, boasted about it as he showed the video to a fellow bar patron who, it turns out, was an off-duty police officer. Because his victim was black, the man faces federal charges for a hate crime, and can be sentenced to 10 years in prison. Another video on his smartphone showed him stating that black people "haven’t fully experienced the blessing of evolution." But apparently, he hadn't been blessed with kindness or good sense.

I am so impressed with the timing of public opinion. Have you noticed that the celebrities chosen to top the lists called "Most Beautiful" or "Sexiest" are usually celebrities with a film, TV show, book, or album to promote? How do they do it?

According to Victoria's Secret, the target consumer for their lingerie sales are men. In other startling news, water is still wet and ice is still cold.

Little North West celebrated her first holiday season with designer items from Hermes Paris, Michael Coste, Stella McCartney, and Guiseppe. And, at 6 months old, she was probably more interested in the packaging. 

Have you heard of the Ramen Burger? Patties made out of fried ramen noodles replace the bun on these beef burgers, and since its first sale in New York this past August, it has been compared to the Cronut as the next nation-sweeping food mashup. I haven't tried this yet; usually, lettuce is the only crunch I want in my burger. But you know how I am about food; I will try it just for you.

A woman in California admits that she can't compete with her neighbor's elaborate holiday decorations. While I don't celebrate, I found her solution pretty creative:

Agape' -- P

Friday, December 20, 2013

December 20, 2013

Legendary Chicago radio personaality Larry Lujack, who inspired some of today's popular broadcasters such as David Letterman and Rush Limbaugh, died of cancer this week at 73. I still remember listening to his morning show when I was growing up.

Minneapolis-based Target Corp. admitted that approximately 40 million credit and debit card accounts may have been impacted by a security breach in its system, permitting unauthorized access to information on customers who made purchases in U.S. stores from November 27 to December 15. I can't remember the last time I was this happy about my negative credit score and inability to get a credit card.

A 21-year-old California man who was caught driving a stolen pickup truck explained to police that he stole the truck in order to get to court on time; he was late for a hearing regarding earlier charges of stealing another car. Sometimes, consistency can be a bad thing.
For the second year in a row, a woman has assembled her Christmas lights on the roof of her Louisiana home into the shape of a hand flipping the bird. Last year, city officials asked that she take down the display, but the ACLU supported her right to reassemble it. The reason for the display? To offend a neighbor with whom she is feuding. Ironically, she doesn't even live in the house anymore. I would comment on the size of the chip on her shoulder, but I don't want to get on her bad side.

Have you seen the commercials for yogurt that feature teenagers outwitting their parents when they swap the unhealthy snacks for Yoplait? I'm trying to figure out who their target audience is, since it seems unlikely that parents would enjoy being portrayed as clueless dupes. At least those commercials for Activia are clearly for the benefit of the chronically constipated. I like that kind of clarity.

Speaking of which, have you seen this? The "squatty potty" is designed to position the user into a squatting position on the commode, which is supposed to increase elimination. After centuries of civilization, somebody finally figured out that those bears in the woods have been doing it right.

I've wondered for years: what do you do when you desperately need a Clapper or a Chia Pet like, in April or May?

Arts & Entertainment Television (A&E) has indefinitely suspended Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson for making remarks criticizing homosexuality during an interview with GQ magazine. Robertson has repeatedly expressed his views during public appearances; what did they expect? I'll tell you what I didn't expect: to see this man
 being featured in GQ magazine. I haven't read it in years, but I remember it being a magazine about mens' fashion.

A 17-year-old North Texan young man was sentenced to 10 years probation for killing 4 pedestrians and injuring 2 others after stealing beer from a store, and driving drunk at 70 miles per hour (30 miles over the posted speed limit). Besides a blood alcohol reading of 3 times the legal limit when tested 3 hours after the accident, there were also traces of valium in his system. The young man, who was on probation months before for being caught with alcohol, avoided prison because his attorneys allegedly argued that his affluent upbringing did not teach him to connect his behavior with consequences. This defense, called affluenza, has met with a lot of debate and controversy. No kidding.

Know the expression "take a long walk off a short pier?" Well, it actually happened: a Taiwanese woman touring Australia had to be rescued after walking off this pier
  while checking her Facebook account on her smartphone. Thankfully, both she and her phone (which she held onto throughout the ordeal) survived unscathed.

Agape' -- P

Friday, December 13, 2013

December 13, 2013

We'll never get to thinking in terms of we and our as long as we keep thinking in terms of us versus them.

Now that President Obama was seen taking a selfie with the British and Danish prime ministers (during Nelson Mandela's memorial service), does that mean selfies are no longer obnoxious?

I like to study trivia so that when people sarcastically say to me, "Tell me something I don't know", I can do just that.

16 weeks ago, Pattrick McConlogue, a 23-year-old computer programmer, offered Leo Grand, a homeless man, a deal: $100 cash, or programming lessons for one hour each day on a laptop computer. Leo chose the lessons. The result? A mobile app called Trees for Cars, which connects carpoolers to share rides. McConlogue has relinquished his share in the profits, so all the money goes to Leo. Some say McConlogue should've just given him the money, but on the Google Play store alone, the app has been purchased over 500 (the app is also available on Itunes). Also, Leo has learned enough to develop more apps. I'd say he picked the right door, wouldn't you? Talk about "teach a man to fish."

Electrician Chris Gillott started a trend by using the lights in the Blue Cross/Blue Shield building to pay tribute to Walter Payton when he died 14 years ago. The custom has been repeated many times over the years to commemorate several things, including the national soccer team, pay tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. and breast cancer awareness. When Gillott died last week, the custom was once again used in tribute to him. Letters spell out "Thanks Chris" on the south face of the Blue Cross Blue Shield building on Tuesday night. The thank you was done in honor of electrician Chris Gillott, who originated the tradition of window messages in the Blue Cross Blue Shield building.

Thamsanqa Jantjie, the sign language interpreter employed during Nelson Mandela's memorial service attributes his failure to correctly translate what was being said to hallucinations caused by his chronic schizophrenia. I know this is terribly insensitive, but when I think of the fact that this man continued making those senseless gestures (called nonsense and jibberish), and nobody stopped him, I burst out laughing.

My favorite quote this week goes to Sofia Vergara, who was nominated again for the Golden Globes, but was passed over for a SAG awards nomination: "My Golden Globes are still going strong! That's why I don't sag."

Have you noticed that more medications are listing suicidal thoughts among their side effects? How is this acceptable? I bet they wouldn't be able to list homicidal thoughts among their side effects.

The only time I'm slightly bothered by my shellfish allergy is when I see a particular loved one have a rather orgasmic reaction to her first bite of either lobster or crab cakes. I don't quite know what that says about her, but it is something to see.

The advice "Be true to yourself" seems very incomplete. Would you say that to a violent racist?

Agape' -- P

Friday, December 6, 2013

December 6, 2013

95-year-old South African president Nelson Mandela died Thursday, ironically,  the same day that Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, a film about his life, premiered in London. The fact that mortality affects even beloved, charismatic men is always sobering.

A portion of profits from the sale of Fast and the Furious 6 will be donated to a charity founded by Paul Walker, a star of the franchise, who was killed in a horrific car crash last Saturday. Tin a taped interview that brought tears to my eyes, his grieving father disputed allegations that his son, a racing enthusiast, advocated street racing. Since Walker was actually a passenger in the car, I find those allegations in really poor taste. Meanwhile, two men were arrested allegedly Thursday for stealing pieces of the wreckage as it was being towed away. Unbelieveable.

Someday, I'd like to meet someone who stuffs pimentoes into olives for a living; I'd like to know what they dream about. I'd also like to know why I never see pimentoes in black olives, because those are the ones I like.

Reactions are mixed regarding whether singer Joe Jonas was right to include the names of Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato during his recent admissions regarding marijuana use and losing his virginity. On this issue, after trying really, really hard... I don't think I could care less.

A woman who worked in a Georgia Wendy's was arrested and fired after admitting that she left half a smoked marijuana cigarette on a burger that she served a customer. Along with paying her medical bills, Wendy's has also given the customer a $50 gift certificate for a future meal. I don't know; I would've held out for a gift card for Burger King, where I could have it my way.

Families at a Tampa, Florida movie theater received a shock recently when, instead of the Disney film they were expecting to see, Frozen, was replaced with an explicit clip from an NC-17 film. One parent was quoted as saying there weren't enough hands to cover the eyes and ears of all the children in the audience. Whether this was an accident or a prank, I think Netflix should use this to promote their service. This never happens there.

And now from the get-ready-to-vomit department: Sydney Leathers, the woman named in the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal, is really working on her 15 minutes of fame. She's undergoing a labiaplasty to have excess skin removed from a private part of her anatomy (yes, there), and planning to auction the removed skin on the Internet. Someone sure thinks a lot of her self-worth, huh?

Let's hear it for the ones who go on caring even where they're the only ones doing it.

It's scenes like this that make me love the WGN Morning news team, even though I don't think my ego could handle being interviewed by them.

Never underestimate the value of a little downtime; I like to think of it as pressing my personal RESET button.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 29, 2013

November 29, 2013

There's nothing like consistency: stuffing a face with delicious food has as much to do with true gratitude as decorated trees and painted eggs have to do with Christ's birth and resurrection.

Thanks to free enterprise and merchant competition, many stores launched their Black Friday sales on Thursday afternoon. If this keeps up, it won't be long before breakfast becomes the big Thanksgiving meal.

I am not questioning anyone's integrity here, but has anyone else noticed that the women featured in the local injury-settlement-lawyer commercials are more endowed in their after pictures than their before pictures? I'm just asking.

Playing by the rules may not always give you the better score, but a moral victory is the better prize.

While I don't care to see James Franco and Seth Rogan's parody of Kim Kardashian's video with Kanye West, I am amused by the fact that they made fun of it. I'm also thankful that they didn't parody the video Kim did with Ray J.

Speaking of Kanye West, he recently encouraged a boycott on Louis Vuitton products after the company's vice president snubbed his request for a meeting. I never cared about the LV label, and now I wish I could afford something.

Miley Cyrus turned 21 recently; is anyone else worried that, now that she's a legal adult, she'll start behaving inappropriately?

Recently, an interviewer asked Conrad Murray if, in his opinion, the late Michael Jackson was a pedophile. After a long pause, Murray did not answer the question, but instead described in detail how he personally applied a catheter to Jackson on a nightly basis. I could point out how unseemly it is to consult a man who just served time for killing a man about the man's sexual behavior, but, given that Jackson's daughter Paris is currently being treated after a suicide attempt, whatever does anyone hope to gain by discussing this?

Alec Baldwin has reportedly been fired from his latest TV gig after hurling another anti-gay epithet in public. Considering that the entertainment industry is largely populated by gay-friendly people, not the brightest thing to keep doing. Ask Mel Gibson, who lately is becoming better known as "Who?"

I have truly enjoyed Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, and even the Priceline Negotiator, but really, William Shatner's collaboration with State Farm on a PSA about turkey-frying safety is genius!

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 22, 2013

November 22, 2013

I love women. The two most important people in my life are women. Therefore, I disagree with the often-made, chauvinistic assumption that cranky women are just hormonal; I live with two women who are WAY beyond the stage of hormonal misdirection... yet they sometimes wake up cranky... and even downright evil.

Okay, what does it mean that the approval rating of Toronto mayor Bob Ford went UP after a video surfaced of him smoking crack cocaine in a past drunken stupor?

I don't know which is more disgusting, that traces of both cocaine and the herpes virus were found on library copies of 50 Shades of Grey, that it must have been anticipated in order for health authorities to look for them, or that people weren't anticipating it when they borrowed the book. I guess reading is more than fundamental.

Even with many vendors donating their services, the city of San Francisco spent $105,000 last week, turning an area of the city into a replica of Gotham City, to fulfill the wish of 5-year-old leukemia patient Miles Scott, a/k/a "Batkid", to be a superhero. Some have suggested that, since Miles' cancer has gone into remission, his wish should not have been fulfilled. So, would they rather his cancer get worse?

Chris Brown's early exit from anger management rehab makes me wonder: how do you measure success in anger management rehab? Tick the patient off and see how he reacts? Now, it has been revealed that he was kicked out of the rehab facility after he responded to his mother's suggestion that he needed counseling by throwing a rock through her car window. You know I love irony.

DeskBeers is a British company that will deliver beer to business offices on Friday; the concept is to "increase efficiency and improve creativity." Not having such a service here in the U.S., I had to try this on my own. But my results were different; maybe I did it wrong?

Respect is not a requirement for love. But it is a requirement for friendship.

A Brazilian woman who offered to sell her virginity last year for $800,000 has raised the price to $1,500,000. I didn't study marketing, but isn't the price of something that isn't selling supposed to go DOWN?

Since being acquitted after the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman has had a number of altercations with police. This week, he was arrested for threatening his girlfriend with a shotgun. Something tells me he'll be the subject of public scrunity until he's in prison. Something also tells me it'll just be a matter of time.

I've always wanted the specs on The Jeffersons' cookware; I never knew anyone so rich that "fish don't fry in the kitchen" or "beans don't burn on the grill." Have you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 15, 2013

November 15, 2013

I'm not sure what this means, but I recently found myself trying to list the only places I'd consider it safe to wear noise-cancelling headphones.

I'm not big on commercializing popular music; someone should pay for using Rick James' Superfreak (by way of MC Hammer's Can't Touch This) to sell frozen waffles. But Nelly should be too edgy for his breakfast cereal jingle "Must Be The Honey". That's in its own category of wrong.

November 11 is actually celebrated as Singles Day in China; the fact that the month and day are made up of the number 1 are used to symbolize being alone. Ironically, the date is also popular with some people as wedding dates; the repetition of the number 1 symbolizes the sentiment "You're the only one for me." I guess it's all about what you choose to make it about.

Dave Wilson, the newest elected member of the Houston Community College Board, is being criticized for his campaign tactics; running in a district populated mostly with black people, Wilson, a white man, sent out fliers featuring happy black families and omitting his own picture. His defeated opponent, 24 year incumbent Bruce Austin, has demanded a recount. It's insulting to suggest that people select candidates based on race; give me an eternal ruler who has no color.

Andrew and Lauren Silverman, who are getting divorced, have an interesting settlement regarding their 7-year-old son Adam; each time Lauren's boyfriend/baby daddy, X-Factor judge/media mogul Simon Cowell, goes near Adam, Lauren has to pay a $50,000 penalty. After 3 violations, Lauren will lose all contact with Adam until custody is reviewed in court. There are also clauses demanding that Andrew is never trashed in Adam's presence, and that Andrew is the only one Adam will ever address as "Dad". While I find the whole thing extremely none of my business, I'm fascinated by how quickly parents become arbiters, children become prizes, and attorneys become necessary.

The InstLike app, which promised to incrrase the number of "likes" on user's Instagram photos and followers on Instagram accounts, duped hundreds of thousands of users into submitting their Instagram passwords to do so. People, there's a reason they're called passwords!

Did you know that November 16 is Guinness World Record Day? I didn't. Ironically, on Thursday, November 14, Harlem Globetrotters rookie Corey "Thunder" Law broke the world record for the longest successful basketball shot with a one-armed shot a full 109.75 feet from the basket. Congratulations, Thunder. And what a cool nickname.

Brazilian police are looking for the person(s) behind an ad posted on a classified website Tuesday, November 12, offering a baby for sale for $430, simply statin that the crying baby is stopping his parents from a good night's sleep. The ad was pulled after 12 hours for violating the website's standards. I just want to know how they came up with a price of $430.

It's hard to believe there are people who don't instinctively get this, but when you're whispered to in public, your response should be a whisper, too.

Several years ago, I lost the only good driver's license photo I've ever taken. I'm still not over it. But there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 8, 2013

November 8, 2013

I called Ripley's: Believe It or Not! to report this; I'm still waiting to hear from them. Brace yourself for this shocker: the other day, I met two people that were the same age, same race, same color, same sexual orientation, same family, same gender, who had the same political views. But (get this): they had two different opinions about a lot of things! Can you believe it?

Why is it that people who drink too much are called "overserved", but people who eat too much are called "gluttons"?

All over the world, a lot of men (and possibly, some very committed women) are growing mustaches for Movember, a month-long effort to raise awareness for prostate, testicular, and other male-associated cancers, essentially "changing the face of cancer." But what if you already have a mustache? I suppose shaving it would also be "changing the face", but then you wouldn't look like you're participating. Oh, what to do, what to do?

Okay, if you have ever eaten one of those huge restaurant style barbecued turkey drumsticks without thinking about Fred Flintstone eating one of those pterodactyl legs... I bet you can't now.

I am very impressed by the way the producers of Saturday Night Live responded to the recent criticisms that there are no black women in their cast; rather than ignore the criticisms (or rush to hire a token black woman to appease their critics), they addressed it with humor by having guest host Kerry Washington (insert sigh of admiration) portray several black women in every skit during the program. But, if they're sincere about looking for an experienced sketch comedian who happens to be black and female, how about Kim Wayans, Kim Coles, or Debra Wilson? Are any of them available? Or how about at least auditioning some black female stand-ups, like Loni Love or Wanda Sykes?

A new twist on massage therapy is going on in Indonesia: during a snake body massage, pythons, with their mouths taped shut, slither all over the bodies of clients, giving a deep tissue massage to relieve their stress. Is anybody else creeped out by this?

Empire Biscuits opened its first 24-hour biscuit restaurant in New York a week ago. With 24 different spread options on its menu, the restaurant was forced to shut down at 3:00pm on its first day, after running out of food for the overwhelming customer demand. After regrouping, the owners reopened the next day. Apparently, this was a need that needed to be filled; unfortunately, the cute little Pillsbury dough boy isn't doing that adorable little giggle anymore.

Don't assume she's anti-social; maybe she finds her navel more fascinating than the 50 cents you saved 20 years ago by drinking orange drink instead of orange juice.

In the British film Philomena, Dame Judi Dench stars as a woman searching for the son she bore out of wedlock and was forced to give away. The film's producer is challengjng the MPAA, who has given the movie an R rating, ostensibly because of two mentions of the "F" word. This raises a lot of questions: compared to the sex and violence available on TV, the Internet, and video games, is this really a necessary rating? Are artistic integrity and the use of the word that important to the plot? Is this conflict really a clever effort to publicize the film?

It has been reported that famed chef Charlie Trotter, who has been creditted with putting Chicago on the national culinary map, and inspired numerous well-known chefs all over the country, defied doctors' orders to avoid flying after being diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. Whether that was what led to his death on November 5 has yet to be determined; while he will be greatly missed, the impact of his talent will be savored by millions.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 1, 2013

November 1, 2013

It's a mistake to disregard logic simply because you've heard it before, especially if you never even considered it; perhaps you weren't listening the first 998 times. You could be in a totally different place when you hear it the 999th time.

A woman made headlines this week by promising her neighbors that she'd give candy to trick-or-treaters she deemed healthy, but would give letters counselling the parents to any children she considered moderately obese. Maybe she's short on toilet paper, or wants her house covered in eggs.

Reports are that the most popular costumes children wore to celebrate Halloween this year included Miley Cyrus' VMA skinsuit, a sexy French maid uniform, and a pimp. So, this is what people call harmless fun?

The FAA made news this week, announcing that the regulation for airplane passengers to turn off most electronic devices during takeoffs and landings has been removed. I can't help wondering how long these takeoffs and landings take, that this was such an inconvenience. Or has the sense of entitlement become so widespread that a few minutes is too much of a sacrifice for safety?

Italian scientists have found that dogs wag their tails to the right upon seeing something positive, and to the left when they see something negative. I'd like to see a study on how much funding is spent on certain studies while people are starving all over the world.

It's not only annoying to be told what to think or feel because of your birth race or color; it's downright insulting.

Troubled (I think that's a fair description) recording artist Chris Brown has entered anger management rehab, just after well-known troubled celebrity pugilist Mike Tyson publicly advised him to address his problems. You know you're in trouble when Mike Tyson has to tell you you have a problem.

I still say the candy bar labellers have it wrong; it's the king size candies that are fun size.

Altruism doesn't always go well; her makeover was unsuccessful because no one considered that she preferred the person she was to the person they wanted her to be.

Houston police are admonishing the city's citizens after a pantsless homeless man lay dead on a busy street for 20 hours while several people took pictures with their cellphones, but no one called for help. There really are no words, are there?

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 25, 2013

October 25, 2013

I have a friend who refuses to marry because he can't imagine being in love longer than a few years. But in my opinion, commitment protects the relationship, because there are always going to be moments when you can't imagine being in love, no matter how wonderful that person is. Am I right?

If one definition of insanity is repeating the same actions under the same circumstances and expecting a different result, then forgiveness does not require setting yourself up to be hurt again. So, Charlie Brown, you and Lucy can still be friends; just find someone else to hold the football.

I don't feel sorry for people past the level of grade school who are still making "That's what she said" jokes; I'm too busy feeling bad for people past the level of grade school who don't get them.

I understand the importance of films that depict the struggles of a race, such as Roots, Schindler's List, and 12 Years of Slavery. Meanwhile, let's not forget that while a lot of people are being educated about oppression and inhumanity, a lot of people who aren't capable of controlling their rage are being affected.

Confusion over ObamaCare has led to an increase of criminals scamming people for their money. Everyone, especially those on Medicare, need to know that there is no such thing as an ObamaCare card, and to never give money or personal information (such as a social security number) to anyone.

Imperfection is no excuse; I'm working on self-control: someone who's hurting someone I love gets a little bit of appropriate comeuppance, for a moment, in my head, I do a little happy dance.

A recent study suggests that children who are spanked develop smaller vocabularies. That was the headline. Much lower in the article, in smaller print, it's revealed that this study was non-conclusive and not absolute. But, having been spanked as a child, not only did I not read that far, but I'm not sure what that means.

First, we had planking, then owling; in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a new Internet trend has emerged, called "mamming." The idea is that once women have done this, having a mammogram should be less frightening. After all, it's more important to be hip than to be healthy.

For the woman who has everything: to increade breast cancer awareness, a brassiere has been developed with a bluetooth chip that posts breast examination reminders on Twitter whenever the bra's clasp is undone. See? Technology can be fun!

Admit it: we all know at least one person who hasn't quite understood the concept of skinny jeans.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 18, 2013

October 18, 2013

This speech-to-text software may be a technological marvel, but considering that we often speak faster than we think, and that a number of us tend to ramble, is all the proofreading and revising really worth it?

I often get a kick out of people gossipping about how nosy someone else is.

Repeatedly asking me the same question will not get you a different answer, because even if I was lying when I answered the first time (highly unlikely, by the way), now I'll refuse to give you a different answer because YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF.

I actually feel sorry for the Starbucks Drake guy; I bet when he sent his video, he didn't know it was creepy enough to launch a meme.

It's better to be a genuine unsung hero than a fake,  papier mâché gloryhound.

October 17 was "Spirit Day", observed by people wearing purple, taking a stand against bullying, in support of the LGBT community. Okay, bullying for whatever reason is wrong, but the LGBT community isn't the only victims; people of all ages are being bullied for being tall, short, fat, thin, poor, etc. What day do we support them?

Surviving a wild or even immoral background doesn't make you a hypocrite if you disapprove of such behavior today; even if your priorities haven't changed, today's world is way different from yesterday's, and exponentially more dangerous.

Conrad Murray, the former doctor who will soon be released from incarceration for the involuntary homicide of Michael Jackson, wants his medical license reinstated. His argument is that Jackson is the only patient Murray has ever lost, while other doctors who have lost several patients are still practicing medicine. Is it too soon to suggest that, before making a decision, the licensing board sleep on it?

While a number of people criticized Justin Bieber for disrespecting the Great Wall of China, the Chinese embassy is in favor of the pop star increasing young tourism and commerce. Anybody want cream (as in, Cash Rules Everything Around Me) in their coffee?

How did I avoid pot stickers all these years? They're delightful! One more thing off the bucket list (by the way, is it disrespectful to call it a bucket list when you hope to live forever?).

Agape -- P

Friday, October 11, 2013

October 11, 2013

A revised edition of The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures using even more modern English has been released to enhance understanding scripture. It boggles my mind that some are critical of translating scripture into the complex English language, but don't want to learn Hebrew and Greek.

During an appearance on The Jimmy Kimmel Show this week, Kanye West explained that he understands that paparazzi has to earn a living, but "Don't try to antagonize me. It's not safe for you in this world." Maybe that isn't the best statement to make on national TV while being prosecuted for assaulting a photographer. Ironically, he also proclaimed that he's a genius.

During his warning to the paparazzi, Kanye warned them, "Don't act like you don't know I'm from Chicago." I'm also from Chicago; now I understand why the paparazzi never bothers me. It all makes sense now!

Okay, I'm not proud of this, but my initial reaction to the news that Lindsay Lohan wants to open her own rehab facility was the same as a lot of people: "What, is she high?"

The day after conducting a detailed reconnaissance trip at the Minnesota-St. Paul International Airport, a 9-year-old boy successfully stowed away on a flight to Las Vegas. All I can remember about my ninth year was sixth grade, Schoolhouse Rock, and spending an occasional Saturday with my dad on his second job. I feel like such an under-achiever.

Speaking of air safety, 56% of the commercial pilots recently surveyed by the BBC admitted to falling asleep in the cockpit mid-flight. But that didn't disturb me as much as the 29% who said they woke to find their co-pilots asleep as well!

Chris Brown is reportedly defending Justin Bieber, insisting the young singer is a victim of reverse racism, and being criticized just because he hangs out with black people. My initial reaction was the same as a lot of people: "Really?"

Okay, I'm really working on my self-restraint right now. I will not make fun of the friends who know that I have voicemail instead of an answering machine, yet still leave messages saying, "Are you there? Pick up the phone!" But you know who you are.

A number of people (granted, not a large number) were surprised by the news that reality TV celebrity couple Bruce and Kris Jenner, after 20+ years of marriage, have separated. Bruce reportedly moved out in June; speculation is that Kris only recently noticed.

A homeowner and his wife are being threatened with legal action by the parents of a teenage girl who became pregnant by another guest during an unsupervised house party where alcohol was readily available. While homeowners are indeed culpable for what goes on in their home, this just demonstrates what happens when there are more lawsuits than morals.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 4, 2013

October 4, 2013

Not that I needed the self-esteem boost, but guess what I discovered after slobbing peanut butter off my finger? I taste great!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month; I know that every little bit helps, but along with choosing to buy a product or service that will donate a small percentage of its profit to research, how about skipping on the purchase and donating the entire cost yourself?

This isn't a political statement, but it amuses me that the administration made a point of announcing that, during the government shutdown, no interns will be in the west wing of the oval office, possibly because of what happened the last time.

One of the scheduled events that has been cancelled because of the government shutdown is a rally for the Klu Klux Klan scheduled for a Gettysburg national park. Some have expressed surprise that the KKK is still around; some aren't surprised at all.

AMC movie theaters has announced that federal employees who are on the unpaid furlough because of the government shutdown will be able to get a free small popcorn at their theaters. While they said buying a movie ticket is not necessary, how many people are going to travel to the movie theater just to get a free small popcorn?

I don't get that people are surprised that Miley Cyrus has admitted that her antics are a calculated bid for attention. I thought that was obvious. Personally, I'm just turned off by the message that infamy is better than good taste. But that's just me.

Yet another note to Justin Bieber: not only is having your bodyguards carry you up the Great Wall of China way disrespectful, but it way contradicts your "I'm a tough guy" image campaign.

A Montana man's dog ate five $100 bills. The owner waited days, analyzed his pet's poop, collected the soiled, shredded fragments, washed them, dried them, pasted them together, mailed them to the U.S. Treasury (imagine the person who opened that envelope), and was reimbursed with a $500 check. While I am certainly happier that I don't have any bills for my dog to eat, I can't help wondering how much money my dog would have to eat for me to go through that. How about you? By the way, the owner was quoted as actually saying, "It was great to get the check after all the crap I went through."

It's like washing your car to make it rain; the moment you start to feel compassion for a person with so little character that they repeatedly hurt you, they do it again. But you're in good company; it happens to Jehovah, too.

Did you know that there's an annual festival in Massachusetts celebrating marshmallow Fluff, and a movement to get the Fluffernutter named the state sandwich? I hate feeling left out of news that really matters!

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 27, 2013

September 27, 2013

You're never going to get where you want to be dwelling on the road you didn't take.

Former New England Patriot Brian Holloway discovered that teenagers broke into his vacation home and threw a wild party (complete with alcohol, weed, and meth), creating $20,000-$40,000 in property damage, and posted several pictures on social media. Holloway reposted a lot of the pictures on his own website. Now, some of the parents are threatening to sue because they believe the exposure could endanger the teenagers' chances of getting into college. Now that is nerve.

This is why I used to call these random thoughts: it occurs to me that before beatboxing became popular, fewer people were willing to spit into their hands in public.

Rihanna unknowingly put her life in danger last week by posing for this picture with a loris, an endangered Southeast Asian animal who carries a toxin that, when it comes into contact with humans, puts them into anaphylactic shock. Ironically, the picture was taken to promote Loris Awareness Week. Well done.

Butterball (no, I'm not referring to myself in the third person) is making history by hiring men to work the annual turkey hotline for the Thanksgiving holiday. Though I don't observe the holiday, the pressure it places on cooks mystifies me. Isn't turkey disasters the reason we have Asian restaurants and frozen pizzas?

Can you cite 'medical reasons' as an excuse to limit your exposure to people who make you sick?

I know that some people are calling New York Giants cornerback Prince Amukamar the "black Tim Tebow" because of his stand on chastity, but I'd be a little nervous being nicknamed after someone who got cut from his team after three games.

While I think actor James Franco's fake papparazzi photo campaign is a clever expression against media hype and a lack of privacy, I sure am glad we aren't friends.

When I was growing up, bad kids got whupped (not whipped, but certainly not spanked). The only spanking I knew of was a dance move from the disco era. Now spanks are compression undergarments. No wonder the English language is hard for so many people.

A bear walks into a bar. He's told to leave. He complies. It's no joke, it actually happened at this Alaska tavern. I guess they take that "No shirt,no shoes, no service" sign very seriously. Although, it didn't loo like there was much going on there; I probably would have gone, too.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 20, 2013

September 20, 2013

My snack budget was low last week, and I couldn't decide between Cracker Jack, Fiddle Faddle, and Crunch 'n' Munch. The last time I had a headache like this was the Twizzler/Red Vines conundrum of 2010.

Look, Jaden Smith, you're not the first 15-year-old to think that school is dumb. But you're the first I've ever heard say that newborn babies would be the most intelligent beings on the planet if they could only talk. Mmmm... maybe it's not the school that's dumb.

It's official: the engagement between rising movie heartthrob Liam Helmsworth and marathon-twerking, teddy bear grinding, foam finger molesting, sledgehammer sucking, nude wrecking ball riding Miley Cyrus is officially over. Go figure.

While I'm as disturbed as the next person that Gwyneth Paltrow was awarded a motorcycle license days after a video went viral of her cutting off a school bus while riding a Vespa with her child on the seat behind her (almost giving new meaning to the term "road Apple"), what I found most shocking was that, in Hollywood, you're allowed to retake your license picture if you want. This is an outrage!

The British town of Northampton is currently being freaked out by repeated sightings of a man standing around dressed as a clown. See? That's what I like bringing to you: stories about people with real problems.

It would not surprise me one bit to find out that every male courtroom judge and TV news anchor has at least once tried, or at least fantasized about, spending a day doing their job without any pants.

A Chicago woman is suing Epic restaurant for $50,000 after one of her breast implants deflated during the night, allegedly because of a hug from the restaurant's doorman, a former college football lineman who weighs about 300 pounds. I don't buy it; a real man would've gotten both sides.

There should be a law against promoting your restaurant's great delivery service in areas where you refuse to deliver. Are you listening, Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's, and Jimmy John's?

Did you know that September 19 was International Talk Like A Pirate Day? I don't think a lot of people remembered, because nobody talked like a pirate to me.

New York City's plan to replace their taxis with Nissan's "Taxi of Tomorrow" has brought up a lot of questions: will the roomier, more comfortable vehicles cause a hike in fares? Since the vehicle is technically a van, will accommodations for the disabled be mandatory? But I have yet to hear the obvious question: will people of color be able to ride them?

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 13, 2013

September 13, 2013

Should we feel sorry for people who have two faces, but only one head?

Okay, I'm all for using fame to provide mass responsible health advice, but is anybody going to drink an extra glass of water each day just because Michelle Obama says we should?

There is an often-used argument that marijuana should be legal because there are more tragedies due to alcohol than there are due to smoking weed. But unless you somehow factor in that a lot of people are turning to alcohol instead of weed because weed is illegal, do those statistics tell an accurate story?

By the way, I don't use marijuana; my cravings for Funyuns come naturally. But I just heard someone defend the use of marijuana for police and medical personnel because of job-related stress. Is it just me, or is that scary?

I'm going to break a promise I never mentioned by posting a link to this video about twerking. Thanks, Jimmy Kimmel.

Reactions are mixed about the mother who used public humiliation to punish her 11-year-old daughter for twerking at a school dance after being told not to. I don't have an opinion on the punishment, but the outfit your daughter chose for the punishment is a huge red flag.

See, Miley Cyrus? You put out videos with you riding naked on a wrecking ball just causes reactions like this!

Burger King is selling a new burger with french fries on it. Wow, what a concept. And here I thought selling frozen PB&J sandwiches was a dunb idea.

I'm not always big on pranks, but I love this ad campaign for LG.

I got a headache this week, trying to choose between Cracker Jack, Crunch & Munch, and Fiddle Faddle.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 6, 2013

September 6, 2013

There's an old saying that goes, "A man who isn't thankful for one dollar wouldn't appreciate a million of them." As much as I agree with that, I wouldn't mind a chance to prove it. Just throwing that out there.

Before we take action, it's important to examine whether our motivation comes from pain or misery, because we can easily hide a destructive objective, even from ourselves.

It's unfair to remain angry with someone without telling them what they did. On the other hand, sometimes, telling them is counterproductive. That's when you just let it go.

Most of the people in our lives are there because we share family, or one or two interests, or some shared consequence, like where we live, learn, work, or worship. It's very rare when someone in our lives would be there just because we both want them there.

Fred Stobaugh, 96, submitted "Oh, Sweet Lorraine", a poem he'd written about his recently deceased wife of 75 years, into a writing competition in Illinois. Fred didn't win the competition, but his story made it onto the Internet, which led to singer Jacob Corgan recording the song, which has led to more than 100,000 copies of the tearjerker being sold on iTunes (dwarfing the sales numbers of the latest singles by Justin Timberlake and Miley Cyrus), and tons of lucrative licensing offers, one ore than $100,000. Now that's a positive story of the power of the Internet.

Congratulations to competitive eater Joey Chestnut, who suffered a crushing defeat last month by rival Matt Stonie during a Gyoza eating competition, but reclaimed his title at a Rib fest in Reno, NV, by consuming 13.76 pounds of ribs in 12 minutes (Stonie finished at 11.2 pounds). When it comes to sports, you can have your football, basketball, and hockey... this sounds like my event.

It was all over the news this week: Kim Kardashian is now a blonde. I have been trying to form my opinion, and now I can say without a shadow of a doubt: I don't care.

On the other had, having seen the commercial a gazilion times, I have decided what I would do for a Klondike bar: go to the store and buy them (they come in a pack of six).

I could only think of one word when I saw this picture: adorable.

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 30, 2013

August 30, 2013

Imperfection is proof that we need growth, not an excuse to avoid it.

She is adorable, but does anyone else see a resemblance between baby North West and the late, beloved comic legend Jonathan Winters?

As selfish as it sounds, caring for someone is a great way to remind ourselves why it's better to not have a heart of stone.

Maybe I've put too much thought into this, but I think Maude's Florida Evans was a lot hipper than Good Times' Florida Evans.

The 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech was this past Wednesday. A lot of things have changed regarding what people are and are not permitted to do, but not necessarily what people do and do not want to do.

After watching N-Sync's less-than-two-minute reunion at the 2013 MTV VMAs, I couldn't help wondering: would I give, say, my plumber, a hard time, if he couldn't snake a drain as well as he used to, after 10 years of retirement?

Speaking of the VMAs, there is a very, very, very thin line between the freedom of artistic expression, and the decision to abandon good taste. I am now calling that line: Miley Cyrus. By the way, Miley: the word 'twerk' has been officially added to the Oxford dictionary. Happy now? So, as a censored Madea would say, "Girl, time to sit your behind down."

New York mayoral candidate and selfie scandal center Anthony Weiner is denying allegations that the crowds of supporters at his recent public appearances are actually paid performers hired to camouflage his waning popularity. Now that's humiliating.

Former U.S. Army soldier Bradley Manning, convicted of espionage after leaking 750,000 pages of classified documents to the anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks, was sentenced to 35 years in prison. The following day, he announced that he wants to become a woman. That's some interesting timing.

The Google Play store no longer carries the Brazilian Android app Rastreador de Namorado, which translated, means "Boyfriend Tracker". The app, which tracks people via their cell phones, was marketed toward women suspicious of their boyfriend's fidelity. I guess women who'd rather use technology to stalk their men will have to rely on the black market (because you know the app is still available there).

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 23, 2013

August 23, 2013

I think we need a dictionary to translate politespeak; it seems there are still some people who haven't learned that the phrase "personal reasons" means "none of your doggone business."

At first, I thought those commercials for E-Harmony where the company president keeps walking in on dates with the couples they've successfully matched was very charming. Then, I began to wonder: can't they find somebody for him so that he could leave these couples alone?

Dr. Phil caused a lot of controversy by tweeting the question "Is it okay to have sex with a woman when she's drunk?" Shouldn't he know this?

A former intern is suing Bad Boy Productions for back pay; a recent California law says that interns should be paid, but this woman is complaining that her job duties were answering phones, running errands, and decorating the office for parties. Somebody explain to this woman what office interns are supposed to do.

A veteran of the Iraq war who suffers from PTSD is suing KFC because he was refused service because he was accompanied by a service dog. While this lawsuit should make a difference in the discrimination against the disabled, the fact that he was a war veteran will probably give it national attention, right?

There's something very sad about overlooking the roses at your feet just because they're surrounded by weeds.

I understand Madonna's obsession with youth, but the money she spent on her new grill is a waste, in my opinion. She'll just have to spend even more in a few years when she has to buy dentures.

Respecting our limitations means knowing what they really are.

A Park Avenue eye surgeon is looking for someone who can get him a date with a white female Ivy League graduate between the ages of 27 and 35, who wears a dress size between 0 and 2, and rates 8 or higher on a 1 to 10 scale of attractiveness. He promises a reward of $100 for the first date, either $200 or free eyelash enhancement for the second date, $300 or free Botox for the third, $400 or free Juvederm injections for the fourth, and $500 or free Lasek surgery on one eye for a fifth date. Of course, those prizes are for the matchmaker. The woman gets the ultimate prize: the surgeon. Just when you thought romance was dead.

4-year-old Bobby Tufts recently began his second term as mayor of Dorset, Minnesota, following re-election. I think that about says it all, don't you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 16, 2013

August 16, 2013

They say no one is an island, but let's face it, some people should be. And sometimes, some people want to be.

The racial discrimination charges against Paula Deen were dropped when it was revealed that the plaintiff, Lisa Jackson, is also white, and therefore, was not a victim. I can't help wondering why nobody  noticed this before. 

Since a year-old picture surfaced featuring a naked Justin Bieber holding a guitar (which he made as a birthday greeting for his grandmother! (how's she supposed to show that to her friends?)), it has become a viral trend called "Biebering". Why does Bieber get the credit, instead of this Times Square tourist attraction?

Prince just joined Twitter. Are you going to follow him? He's been known to party like it's 1999.

For years, I've said that the Devil doesn't care who he uses to hurt us. But he does; it's more effective when he uses someone we love and/or trust.

It takes self-control to avoid profanity. Because sometimes the combination of certain consonants feels so right.

As a food lover, I'm having trouble deciding which junk food craze intrigues me more: cro-nuts or pretzel buns.

President Obama was ridiculed for stating that the next generation's definition of success is being influenced by celebrities like the Kardashians; after all, the president had celebrity support during his campaign. But does that make him wrong?

I'd like to introduce a synonym for racism into the lexicon: how about ethnophobia?

A new trend is sweeping China: dressing children in watermelon rinds. Okay, they're really adorable, and it may be refreshing due to the current heat wave there, but are there no flies or bees in China?

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 9, 2013

August 9, 2013

I got a seriously mean look earlier today, because I saw a stranger carrying a really cute toddler wearing a bright pink jumper and long braids decorated in barrettes, and I said, "She is adorable." Turns out the kid's name was Nathan.

Switzerland has issued a formal apology to Oprah, who was denied a closer look at a $40,000 purse because the store clerk assumed she couldn't afford it. How big must you be to get a formal apology from a whole country?

A New Hampshire woman who was pulled over for speeding avoided a $200 ticket by telling the officer she was racing to see her dying father. Now she faces thousands of dollars in fines, because the police found out that her father died five years ago. Sometimes the right things do happen.

From now on, when life serves me lemons, I'll try to think of what happened to this guy.

ABC news editor Don Ennis, who began gender reassignment medical procedures a few months ago, now says he's reversing the procedure, because he was suffering from some form of amnesia, and is not a woman trapped in a man's body after all. See what happens when people think they have a choice?

Paula Deen has reportedly turned down an invitation to compete on Dancing With the Stars. While some have suggested that this was a bad move, because she could improve her image, given her views, I think she may not believe she has rhythm?

A lot of legitimate news airtime was devoted to Beyonce's new haircut. No wonder a lot of people think reality TV is real.

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, who faces charges of several counts of sexual harassment, reportedly wanted to use city funds to pay his legal fees. Now that took nerve.

Isn't being excited about your partner's jealousy more narcissistic than romantic?

I know that finishing my plate doesn't do a thing to help starving people, but eating when I'm full isn't good for my waist. So, the perfect compromise: smaller plates. Not only does it waste less food, but at least in my case, it cuts down on second helpings, since I'm lazier than I am gluttonous.

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 2, 2013

August 2, 2013

I have two questions for all my older relatives: (1) Just how short are june bugs? and (2) Do they even have knees?

I would like to think that I'm a lot like pro golfer Hunter Mahan, who walked away from the $1,000,00 purse of the Canadian Open (which he was very close to winning) to be with his wife as she gave birth to their first child, but I'm probably more like James Mongiat, who posted a viral video of his 30-year-old wife (soon to be ex, by the way) throwing a temper tantrum because he wouldn't take her to a party at the lake. Maybe that's why I'm single, but I'm owning it.

Word to the not-so-wise for the week: before you rush to someone's defense, make sure they're actually under attack.

Miley Cyrus and Victoria Beckham are two of the celebrities who have posed nude on tee shirts for Marc Jacobs' campaign against skin cancer. The profits from the sale of these tees are being donated to research efforts. That makes more sense than my first reaction, because one of the things I never think about at the sight of nude celebrities is that I need sunscreen.

Governor Pat Quinn has signed a bill to legalize medical marijuana in Illinois. This means I'll probably have to start making my own brownies, and stop getting them from my cousin Starbeam.

For years, people have been saying that featuring naked women in movies and music videos is empowering them, not objectifying them. First of all, is that what guys are thinking when they watch them again and again? Second, this has been going on for years; how much power do they need? And third, who are they kidding?

Stevie Wonder is one of a number of recording artists who has announced they will not perform in Florida because of the acquittal of George Zimmerman. Forgive me, but I see the chance for a really tasteless practical joke here.

I don't generally comment on politics, but it would be extremely ironic if the next mayor of New York turns out to be Anthony Weiner's opponent, whose name I don't even know, just because of the Weiner scandal (which, I'm sorry, but ironically, is a fitting name for it).

The London fire department is attributing a rise in the number of bizarre (and often embarrassing) accidents to the popularity of erotic best selling thriller 50 Shades of Grey. Apparently, numerous people get into these situations while attempting some maneuvers detailed in the book. Some optimists have commented that "at least people are reading again."

A lot of news coverage has been spent this week about whether or not Tara Reid will be appearing in the sequel to the movie Sharknado, a film about sharks being thrown around a city by a tornado. Meanwhile, a cleaning crew found a 5-foot-long dead shark blocking the entrance of the Sea Dog Brew pub in Nantucket on Thursday morning. These stories are unrelated to the best of my knowledge. But I find the Nantucket story is more interesting.

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 26, 2013

July 26, 2013

If a mind can be opened as the result of conscious effort, it can be closed by conscious effort, too.

We have to purposefully take steps forward. That way, we're further ahead when life forces us to step backward (because in this system of things, life will force us to step backward).

Rae Dawn Chong, who co-starred with Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple 28 years ago (!), made news recently by "praising" Oprah during an interview in which she said Oprah had come from being the fat girl in high school, and that she was more "field n*gg*r" than "house n*gg*r". Although she has since "apologized", claiming that the words recorded coming out of her mouth were taken out of context (?), my question is: whose idea was it to interview Rae Dawn Chong in the first place? At least she might get a fruit basket from Paula Deen, with a note: "Thanks, honey, for takin' some of the pressure off me."

Did you know that there's a "reality" TV show chronicling the lives of The Real Babymamas of Richmond? I guess someone finally realized there are more babymamas than housewives these days.

I am as excited about the birth of Prince George Alexander Louis as I would be about the birth of any baby that isn't mine (because that would be even more exciting!). But do you think there'd be this much excitement in Great Britain if the Obamas had another baby?

Okay, Kanye West, the paparazzo you assaulted last week might have provoked you (who hasn't heard by now how you feel about the paparazzi?), but it's illegal to put your hands on someone just because he spoke to you, it's foolish to do it in front of a dozen other cameramen, and it's downright crazy to do so after announcing that you know you're being provoked into committing a violent act. Kirstie Alley, we just have to agree to disagree.

Some suggest that the heroic act of helping pull a family of four from an overturned car has changed some opinions of George Zimmerman. I think it's commendable to rescue people in danger, but if the only other option is watching them suffer, isn't it just doing the right thing?

I haven't read the Rolling Stone article on Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, who was the accomplice of his late brother in the Boston marathon bombing. It's been said that it's a poignant study about how such a young man becomes a terrorist, although the magazine has been criticized for glamorizing Tsarnaev on its cover, and several retailers have refused to sell this issue. In spite of the backlash, the sales of this issue are more than usual. Interesting, huh?

This may sound totally self-involved, but when I read the tagline on Geraldo Rivera's newsmaking near-selfie (btw, you can't unsee that),  "70 is the new 50",  all I could think was, "I expect to be better than that when I'm 50."

As long as there are people around who will make race an issue, race is going to be an issue.

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 19, 2013

July 19, 2013

I wanted to begin this week's blog with the best news: the Twinkie is back!

An important part of developing character is recognizing need for growth and accepting the fact that in some ways you aren't there yet.

Is anyone at ABC investigating why all the white women on The View have left? Because you know they would if it was the black women.

Kanye West is selling plain white cotton tee shirts for $120. I have two words.... the second one is "please."

Asiana Airlines has announced they will not be suing TV station KTVU after a newscast erroneously reported bogus names for the four pilots involved in the crash of flight 214. Apparently, the station reported the names Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow before anyone realized they were being pranked. Originally, the airline was going to sue because their reputation was damaged (although I thought the plane crash had already done that).

After over a year of speculation of racism, profiling, politics, civil rights, and media manipulation, George Zimmerman was acquitted of murder charges in the shooting death of unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. I keep hearing commentators offering condolensces to Trayvon's family, and even if they are sincere, it seems a bit hollow, although I imagine there'd be criticism if they weren't offered.

There were two celebrity weddings this weekend: Halle Berry and Jimmy Kimmel. I made a point of attending neither, so that no one would feel slighted. But I'm okay; have you heard? The Twinkie is back!

Jimmy Kimmel's bride, Molly McNearney, pranked the groom by first having Precious actress Gabby Sidibe sub for her on the walk down the aisle. Kimmel was totally surprised when he lifted that veil. At first, I thought it was clever and funny; then, I thought it was insulting. Then, for Gabby Sidibe, I found it oddly empowering.

Charles Ramsey became a national hero for helping rescue three kidnapped women two months ago. Even though he has reportedly collected $50,000 from speaking engagements and private donations, has been offered free burgers for life, and maybe the subject of an action figure (!?!), he now reports that he's broke and homeless after being fired from his job because of fans visiting him there and "shamed" out of his house by neighbors. I guess no good deed really does go unpunished.

Some fans of Paula Deen are protesting against her former sponsors by mailing them empty, greasy butter wrappers. You know, some things are just so bizarre, I could never make them up.

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 12, 2013

July 12, 2013

Who in Sam Hill was Sam Hill?

Congratulations, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, who won his 7th straight trophy in Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating contest. Joey downed 69 frankfurters (complete with buns) in 10 minutes, setting a new world's record (the previous record was 68, also set by Chestnut). That's a lot of wieners.

Do you realize how often the word need is misused? For instance, a husband might ask his wife, "Do you really think you need that dessert?" Did the husband really need to ask that question? Do you think he needed the fat lip it got him?

Given that we often want things that aren't best for us, isn't it better that some prayers are answered "No"?

Are you being selfish when you don't share with someone who doesn't share well?

If we're to believe song titles, wouldn't it be sad to have to fall in love to find out you're a fool?

It's odd, how the word consequence is often used as a negative when, by definition, a consequence can be either good or bad.

Samsung exec David Eun's tweets (including a photo) about the crash of flight 214 moments after he survived the crash demonstrate the value of technology a lot better than posts about some drunken celebrity stumbling onto a sidewalk.

I admit, I haven't been watching Big Brother this year, but i do look forward to seeing 22-year-old contestant Aaryn Gries' reaction when she emerges from the isolation and faces the reaction to her numerous racist comments. First up will be her exit interview with Asian host Julie Chen. That should be a ratings blockbuster! If CBS' decision to air her bigotry in anticipation of public interest.. bravo!

Does anyone else find it ironic that Illinois is the 50th state to pass a law permitting the concealed carrying of firearms at the same time that George Zimmerman is on trial for shooting and killing unarmed teen Trayvon Martin?

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 5, 2013

July 5, 2013

If ignorance of the law is no excuse, then "I didn't know" is no substitute for "I'm sorry."

Last week, Sesame Workshop, the production company behind Sesame Street, announced that 10% of its workforce will be laid off due to cutbacks. How sad is an out-of-work muppet?

I understand about Q ratings and all, but it's still very messed up that top billing in the movie The Lone Ranger goes to the actor playing Tonto, even if it is Johnny Depp.

At the risk of pushing the edge of the envelope, why is it that most of the people who insist on walking around nude are the least likely people anyone wants to see nude?

An increasing trend in weddings is the collection of cellphones from the guests to prohibit the taking of unauthorized photos of the wedding party and/or decorations. I think this comes from a desire to feel like Alec Baldwin. Hey, bride and/or groom: get over yourself.

To celebrate the premiere of its second season (doesn't it seem like it's been around longer?), the TV show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will be a scratch and sniff event. Viewers will be able to, during select moments of the program, scratch special cards that are available in certain retail stores and this week's People magazine, and enjoy significant aromas. But I don't fancy the notion of anything scratch and sniff with "boo boo" in the title, do you?

Is there a more arrogant statement than "What do you mean, 'no'?"

A woman found a snake in th bag of potatoes she brought home from her local Walmart. Another woman was awakened by an exploding jar of homemade rhubarb chutney in her refrigerator. I don't care how many stories like this I see in the news, you will not convince me that food is an enemy.

Just a note to those parents who think they should tell their children everything: are you sure your kids are telling you everything?

I think you hear more about people getting the crap beaten out of them than it actually happening.

Agape' -- P

Friday, June 28, 2013

June 28, 2013

Congratulations, Chicago Blackhawks, who won the Stanley Cup this past Monday! It took a mere 17 seconds for the Hawks to score two goals, taking the lead, game, and championship from the Boston Bruins.

According to a spokesman for new parents Kimye (who, by the way, are now engaged), the couple's decision to name the baby North was inspirational, because North represents higher ground. Uh huh.

Speaking of North West, Kim Kardashian gave pictures of a different baby to people she trusted, and sure enough, someone sold the picture to TMZ. But you can get a look at the real North West in this picture.

Just a reminder for Nik Wallenda, who crossed  a 1,400 foot gorge at the Grand Canyon on a tightrope 1,500 feet above ground, and was heard praying the entire time: although you are a member of the famous Flying Wallendas family, sometimes the answer to a prayer is no.

The Food Network, Walmart, Target, Smithfield Hams, and Caesars Entertainment are cutting ties with Paula Deen after she, during a racial discrimination lawsuit filed against her, admitted to repeated use of a racial slur (n*gg*r) 27 (!) years ago, and suggested an "old-fashioned plantation" wedding for her brother Bubba in 2007. Personally, I don"t know that Ms. Deen hates people of color, but at the very least, she  demonstrated a fondness for a culture that definitely disrespects us. This proves two things: (1) Racism is not always motivated by hate, and (2) butter is definitely not brain food.

It perfectly demonstrates the ability of the populace to be confused that a spokeswoman for Al Sharpton felt the need to release a statement that Sharpton wasn't defending Paula Deen by simply suggesting that she shouldn't be castigated solely on behavior that is 27 years old.

A French mother faces up to 3 years incarceration for posing as her teen aged daughter to take the girl's college placement exam. The flaw in her plan was that the 50+ year old could not pass for 18. Who's the genius in this family?

Hey, Justin Bieber, you say you want to be taken seriously as an artist? Then stop getting high before posting videos on Instagram and get rid of that car.

In the central Mexican state of Hidalgo, there is an amusement park attraction that simulates illegal border crossing into the U.S., complete with a three hour, seven mile hike that includes climbing over fences and trying to steer clear of barking dogs, flashlight beams and other obstructions in an effort to elude fake border patrol officers. The experience, which costs about $20 per person, is designed to discourage people from actually crossing the border. However, at the end of the experience, you're down $20, and you're still in Mexico.

 Does it disturb anyone that major cultural decisions are based on the opinions on a majority that has to be told not to text and drive?

Agape' -- P

Friday, June 21, 2013

June 21, 2013

I always get a kick out of news taglines that say, "This is the story everyone's talking about," and in reality, nobody's talking about it. Guess I'm just twisted like that.

Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl last Saturday. As we were forewarned, she and her babydaddy Kanye West announced that they're naming their daughter North (get it,  North West?). That means either they aren't reading this blog, or couldn't care less about my opinion. Oh, well...

I actually felt sorry for Miss Utah, whose stammering flub during the question portion of this week's Miss USA pageant has made her the butt of a lot of jokes. Hey, it's not easy to be pretty and articulate at the same time; I barely manage to pull it off myself.

James Franco, who is reportedly worth 20 million dollars, is offering small roles, executive producer credits, and dinner with him to anyone offering certain amounts of donations to an indie film trilogy project based on his book Palo Alto. In other words, those organizations collecting donations to fight disease, homelessness, and famine can all wait, right?

People have claimed to see the image of Jesus Christ  in water stains and toast patterns; now, someone claims that they've seen his image on a dog's behind. Really. how bored (or drunk or high) does one have to be to stare at your dog's behind long enough to start thinking, "Hey, that looks like Jesus!"

While going through security at an airport in Turkey, a young mother accidentally handed the official a toy passport addressed to a unicorn instead of the actual passport for her 9-year-old little girl. The customs official stamped the passport, and let them through. I don't think there's any resemblance; do you?

Ever get a song stuck in your head, but you don't want to admit you like it? The fear of that happenig is one reason I refuse to listen to Justin Bieber.

We have to come up with a better term for explaining the opposite side of a dispute; I refuse to refer to myself as a devil's advocate.

When I was growing up, one adult told me that thunder was the sound of angels bowling; another told me it was the devil beating his wife. I wish I could have given them both copies of my science textbook.

There was a time when an apology included the words, "I'm sorry." Then, people redefined an apology with the words, "My bad." Now, people don't even acknowledge doing something wrong. Is that what's known as progress?

Agape' -- P

Friday, June 14, 2013

June 14, 2013

Kudos to Jo Frost, TV's Supernanny, who has demonstrated that growing up in a family can teach you about family without starting a family of your own.

As smarmy as this sounds, I'm commenting on the cosmetic procedure that George Clooney has repeatedly joked about (which turns out, is a real thing) for two reasons: (1) it's so absurd, it screams for me to opine on it, and (2) I have chosen not to comment on Michael Douglas' claim as to how he got throat cancer (notice how I cleverly did that?). Here is my comment: nobody's body is so perfect that that area is a cosmetic priority.

A thought occurred to me while watching a rerun of The Jeffersons: do you think George Jefferson hated pandas as much as he hated zebras?

 Two news items from last week: (1) a New York soccer mom was arrested for owning and maintaining a warehouse housing $3,000,000 worth of marijuana plants when she paid an understandably huge electric bill with cash, and (2) a North Carolina postal worker who'd collected disability payments for years because of a shoulder injury was arrested for fraud after twice spinning the big wheel on The Price is Right. News stories about criminals sure are funny when their own boneheaded moves get them caught.

A woman who overheard a fellow commuter train passenger (whom she did not know) bragging about his extramarital affair took his picture with her cellphone, and posted it on Facebook in hopes that his wife would see it. I'm neither condoning his adultery nor criticizing the stupidity of bragging about such a thing in public, but I am hoping that he and his wife don't have children who'll be scarred by this exposure.

Fixing a hamburger is no more difficult than fixing a grilled cheese sandwich. So how come I'd order a hamburger in a restaurant, but not a grilled cheese? Yes, I've actually wondered about that

A judge rescinded her decision to accept Chad Johnson's community service ruling for violating probation and sentenced him to 30 days in jail because Johnson, when asked by the judge if he appreciated his attorney's efforts, gave his attorney a pat on the behind. Was it overkill at taxpayers' expense, or demanding respect for judicial authority? People are divided on the issue. But don't be surprised if that judge gets her own TV show out of this.

Was watching contestants on the TV game show Wipeout when I started wondering if the show owes its success to Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern from Home Alone, or Wile E Coyote from Road Runner cartoons.

Am I the only one who thinks the fertility statue of Kim Kardashian looks like the dancing baby hologram from Ally McBeal?

Even though it's the year 2013, and they're outdated and underwear-like, I think it's an outrageous slap in the face that Superman is no longer wearing his red shorts. There. I said it.

Agape' -- P

Friday, June 7, 2013

June 7, 2013

Today is National Doughnut Day, and I've been hit with an incredible craving for an apple fritter. For once, my timing is perfect!

With all the problems plaguing the world today, who has time (and the nerve) to be upset about an interracial family enjoying a bowl of Cheerios?

Canadian pop star Justin Bieber is scheduled to go into outer space as part of Richard Branson's commercial space flight program. How much do you think Branson would charge to leave him there?

Cowboy Troy, Darius Rucker, and Nelly appeared at this week's Country Music Association awards. Has anyone thanked Charley Pride for years of pioneering efforts to make this possible?

A 66-year-old Hong Kong man consulting a doctor about his swollen abdomen was recently diagnosed with Turner Syndrome, a chromosomal abnormality, and congenital adrenal hyperplasis that increases male hormones (which caused him to grow both a beard and a "micropenis"). Therefore, he is biologically a woman (isn't this around the time you'd expect the doctor to say "You've been punked!"?). The condition affects 1 out of 3,000 women, and has only been reported 6 times in medical history. The patient has decided to continue living as a man, taking hormonal supplements, making more money, and getting cranky once a month.

Conrad Murray, the doctor in prison for the death of Michael Jackson, has reportedly tried to reach out to Michael's daughter Paris, who allegedly attempted suicide this week. Now that's what I call a bad idea.

It's kind of sad that there are people who don't understand the therapeutic benefits of an ice cream sundae.

The 84-year-old woman who won the $590,000,000 Powerball lottery jackpot sent a thank-you message to the woman who allowed her to step ahead of her in line. Wasn't that nice?

Due to a scoring error in the Miss Universe Canada 2013 contest, the second runner-up was mistakenly crowned as the winner. To apologize for the mishap, the second runner-up was invited to join the actual winner on tour and at public appearances. But don't you feel sorry for the first runner-up?

The newest fitness (and Internet) craze is an aerobic exercise called Prancersize. I'm not fat enough to go this far.

Agape' -- P

Friday, May 31, 2013

May 31, 2013

I know that the endorphins that come from a really hard workout are incredibly pleasing, but you have to admit: so are Dairy Queen Blizzards.

Okay, here’s something sad: you know those AT&T commercials where the adult is talking to a quartet of children? One little girl wishes her brother was a puppy, and another would like to be a turtle. Those are some of the most fascinating conversations I've heard all week.

Does anyone know why they sell doughnut holes, but not bagel holes?

One study released this week reveals that, because of frequently checking smartphones for text messages and surfing the internet, people are making less eye contact with each other than ever. The only people I imagine benefiting from this are really ugly people.

Virginia police called on a white man after a Walmart security guard called them when the man left the store with three black children, unaware that they were the biological children of him and his wife of 10 years, a black woman. The security guard said that he called police because “it just didn’t look right.” I suspect he's still saying that..

Is there anyone named Peaches who isn't a professional hair stylist? Like, maybe in corporate America?

A woman is suing a cosmetics company after she contracted herpes from a sample lipstick offered at a promotional booth at a Rihanna concert. Of course, the only headline that will sell papers will read: “Woman gets herpes at Rihanna Concert" or "Rihanna Gives Woman Herpes."

From the This-Is-Not-A-Joke desk: An expectant couple is flying to Hawaii so that a dolphin can assist during the birth of their child. Now that’s something they never did on Flipper.

Public outrage is responsible for the end of a New York City bus company's "Ghetto tours" program, which charged tourists $45 each for a sightseeing tour through an authentic city ghetto, including a stop at a food pantry, a visit to "Pickpocket Park", and a ride through a housing project. As horrifying an idea as this was, why pay $45 to go somewhere accessible by the local transit?

If you want me to become an early bird, you have to promise me something other than worms.

Agape' -- P

Friday, May 24, 2013

May 24, 2013

A true Christian doesn't just believe in Christ, but follows him.

The issue with majority rule is that it assumes the majority is always right.

A painting featuring the late Bea Arthur sold for $1,900,000 last week. What's fascinating about this is not that the picture featured her topless, but that Ms. Arthur never posed for it; the image came from the artist's imagination. So then there isn't Maude.

The Chicago Board of Education voted this week to shut down 50 Chicago public schools. Meanwhile, David Karp, the  26-year-old founder of the Tumblr blogging platform, a Bronx high school dropout, sold his company to Yahoo! this week for $1,900.000.000 (that's enough for 100 Bea Arthur nudes!). Coincidence? Of course. Ironic? Yep.

Police were called to a Denver Starbucks when an altercation began after a couple changed the diaper on their one-year-old son in the seating area, because there was no changing table in the restroom. This has sparkd a controversy as people debate what would have been an appropriate thing to do; yet another debate that began with a dump.

Even a person who is disrespected is not a person who is disregarded.

Maury Povich recently celebrated the 2,500th episode of The Maury Povich Show. That's a lot of DNA and polygraph tests. Meanwhile, The Jeff Probst Show, which highlighted inspirational stories of people surviving tragedies and turning their lives around, has been cancelled for low ratings. But don't despair: the Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, and Real Housewives are still on TV.

Considering that the definition of celebrity has expanded to include reality stars and sex tape participants, I can sympathize with performers who no longer want to be labeled as celebrities. But would Kanye, Beyonce, and Bieber really rather be obscure and broke? Because that can be arranged.

A mother in Utah made her fourth grader wear clothes from a thrift store to school for two days after learning the child had been relentlessly teasing a classmate about her clothes for three weeks. While this was a creative way to teach her daughter a lesson; I hope the child isn't learning that used clothing is punishment.

I was watching a game of Beer Pong when I realized how similar it is to Bozo's Circus' Grand Prize Game. It makes me wonder how many other childhood games I'd still be playing if we added beer.

Agape' -- P