May 31, 2013

I know that the endorphins that come from a really hard workout are incredibly pleasing, but you have to admit: so are Dairy Queen Blizzards.

Okay, here’s something sad: you know those AT&T commercials where the adult is talking to a quartet of children? One little girl wishes her brother was a puppy, and another would like to be a turtle. Those are some of the most fascinating conversations I've heard all week.

Does anyone know why they sell doughnut holes, but not bagel holes?

One study released this week reveals that, because of frequently checking smartphones for text messages and surfing the internet, people are making less eye contact with each other than ever. The only people I imagine benefiting from this are really ugly people.

Virginia police called on a white man after a Walmart security guard called them when the man left the store with three black children, unaware that they were the biological children of him and his wife of 10 years, a black woman. The security guard said that he called police because “it just didn’t look right.” I suspect he's still saying that..


Is there anyone named Peaches who isn't a professional hair stylist? Like, maybe in corporate America?

A woman is suing a cosmetics company after she contracted herpes from a sample lipstick offered at a promotional booth at a Rihanna concert. Of course, the only headline that will sell papers will read: “Woman gets herpes at Rihanna Concert" or "Rihanna Gives Woman Herpes."

From the This-Is-Not-A-Joke desk: An expectant couple is flying to Hawaii so that a dolphin can assist during the birth of their child. Now that’s something they never did on Flipper.

Public outrage is responsible for the end of a New York City bus company's "Ghetto tours" program, which charged tourists $45 each for a sightseeing tour through an authentic city ghetto, including a stop at a food pantry, a visit to "Pickpocket Park", and a ride through a housing project. As horrifying an idea as this was, why pay $45 to go somewhere accessible by the local transit?

If you want me to become an early bird, you have to promise me something other than worms.

Agape' -- P