Sunday, March 31, 2013

March 31, 2013

Last week, millions of people commemorated the death of Jesus Christ on Nisan 14, the true anniversary of his death, focusing on the significance of that sacrifice. This weekend, billions more used eggs (dyed or candied) and rabbits (real or chocolate) to honor a pagan fertility ritual, and some of them don't know it. Even worse, some do know, but don't care.

Beware people who offer to do your thinking for you. If you can learn for yourself, you can think for yourself. And you're the one who faces the consequences of your decisions.

A bankruptcy judge has approved the sale of Hostess products, which means Twinkies, HoHos, DingDongs and Zingers will be back on store shelves in time for summer. I haven't had a Twinkie in years, but for some reason, I'm still happy.

Domino's new ad campaign says their focus is no longer on delivering pizza fast. Why should I care? They've never delivered to my neighborhood anyway. But that's okay; haven't you heard? Twinkies will be back by summer!

Sometimes you can deal with today's reality better when you remember that yesterday's reality wasn't ideal either.

A recent USA Today study suggests that middle school romances increase the probability of lower grades, dropping out of school, and abuse of alcohol and/or drugs. So, anyone who didn't date in middle school, but still got poor grades, dropped out, or became substance abusers, can take comfort in being less of a statistic. Congratulations.

There's something admirable about not wanting to give up on someone... but beating your head against a wall can give you a nasty headache.

Remember the Genesis account? All of mankind's troubles began because of a lie. And I've never seen the color of a lie.

Still hate autocorrect; to the person I tweeted earlier, no, I don't think you're a foul.

Does it blow your mind that, to the One whose assessment of us matters the most, none of us is insignificant?

Agape' -- P

Friday, March 29, 2013

March 29, 2013 will be delayed

I apologize, but due to sudden illness, this week's blog will be delayed until Sunday, March 31. Thanks for your patience.

Friday, March 22, 2013

March 22, 2013

I'm starting to worry about a friend of mine; she asked if I was watching Mark Burnett's mini-series The Bible, and when I said, "No, but I read the book," she asked, "Was it good?"

One of the names Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are considering for their child is North, so the child's name would be North West. That's funny for like, 10 seconds.

It made headlines this week that Tiger Woods has found a girlfriend. I don't see how this is news, as recent history has shown he had no trouble finding women before.

Why don't more of us appreciate the value of time when we have more of it?

Pro wrestler Chris Mordetzky rescued his mother from a house fire set by a berserk neighbor by singlehandedly uprooting a tree and ramming it through a window. Man, I need to start working out.

I don't know why the idea fascinates me, but what if the younger twin actually pushes the other one out just to get a little alone time?

It always cracks me up when people attribute their behavior to their astrological sign, when idiots, maniacs, and jerks are born any time throughout the year.

A study released this week revealed that men of different ages make different dating choices. Any day now, I expect these same experts to discover that fire burns and ice freezes.

A pair of pandas in a Chinese facility showed no interest in breeding until they were shown a video of another pair of pandas. Who has videos like that handy?

I may be late to the party, but I was blown over when I learned this week that Chef Boyardee was an actual chef! His granddaughter, Anna Boyardee, is also a professional chef and cookbook author. Please, if there really was a Mrs. Butterworth, don't tell me yet, it might just push me over the edge.

Agape' -- P

Friday, March 15, 2013

March 15, 2013

I have got to start marking my calendar: March 14 is both National Potato Chip Day, and National Pi Day, and for the last 10 years in a row, I've missed both!

KTLA weatherman Henry Di Carlo fell for one of the oldest pranks in the book when he gave a 10th birthday shoutout to Hugh Janus on live TV this week. The classics never go out of style.

Daylight Savings Time, which began this week, is supposed to give us more daylight in the evenings, and less in the mornings. This all leads to the question: who decided that's what's best for everybody?

Feel sorry for Justin Beiber; not only is he 19, with more money than he knows how to spend, millions of devoted fans, and a newfound thug persona that he just can't pull off convincingly, he still looks like milk and cookies would solve all his problems.

A new study released this week found that female chimpanzees are aggressive. Who's paying for these earth-shattering discoveries?

A judge overturned the proposed New York ban on restaurants selling sodas greater than 16 ounces. The ban was proposed to lower the number of obesity-related deaths. I guess obese New Yorkers can stop looking for other ways to get those calories now.

People from all over the world are totally captivated by YouTube sensation Grumpy Cat. This 11-month-old cat, whose natural expression just looks like she's angry, was the biggest draw at the South by Southwest Interactive festival last week, where people stood in line for hours just to take a picture with her. She has a website, a Facebook page, and accounts on Twitter and Tumbler, plus a commercial deal with a cat food company. Does this strike anyone as normal? And, no, I'm not jealous because she has 59,000,000 Twitter followers, and I have about 10.

I truly empathize with women regarding the pain of childbirth. I have seen the size of newborn babies, and I have seen where they come from. So, yes, I get that the amount of pain is incredible. You can stop telling me now.

Three elite commando dolphins trained in knife combat and the use of explosives went AWOL during training exercises in the Ukraine. This is an actual news story, and not a premise for the next Disney film.

The first Jesuit pope in history was elected this week. Already, a list of challenges facing the new leader of the Catholic church has been compiled, including the scandals regarding abuse, cooperation with Eastern religious dogma, and reforming church doctrine to suit liberal parishioners. No word yet on consulting actual scriptures for guidance.

Agape' -- P

Friday, March 8, 2013

March 8, 2013

Give me my props! I predicted right after the Super Bowl that Jacoby Jones would soon be appearing on Dancing With the Stars. However, only time will tell if my second prediction (that he won't be on there for long) was right.

Are they really your friends if you can't be yourself when you're with them? Or could it be that you don't like the person you are, either?

I love a positive perspective: the beauty of being in my generation is that I'm old enough to appreciate phonographs and vinyl and typewriters, but young enough to understand streaming audio and video and tablet computers.

A TV Guide journalist reporting on an altercation Chris Brown had with a parking valet (over $5!) began her story with the words "Don't get on Chris Brown's bad side." My question: where has she been?

I certainly don't want to add fuel to the belief in the power of Oprah, but after praising her voluptuousness in an interview last week, has anyone seen Terrence Howard? Anywhere? Call somebody, T; let us know you're okay.

The Hawaii Senate has passed an anti-paparazzi bill referred to as the Steven Tyler Act. Unlike the anti-paparazzi laws in California, which prohibits the endangerment of other people by paparazzi, the Hawaii bill is designed to prevent paparazzi photos that the subject considers embarrassing. This came after photos of a speedo-wearing Steven Tyler were published, and, according to him, caused family trauma. I know they made a number of people ill.

Okay, I'm only going to admit this once: I've been making fun of the recent aging boy bands trend (including the upcoming Backstreet Boys/New Edition/98 Degrees tour), but ever since Mark Wahlberg hinted that there may be a reunion of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, I haven't been able to get the song Good Vibrations out of my head. However, in retrospect, what made that song great was the music and the vocals of the late Loleatta Hathaway.

Entertainers like the rapper Drake, who threw $50,000 into the air at a North Carolina strip club, can reportedly write it off their taxes as an "Advertising or Publicity" expense. Ah, what people do for the economy.

Another consequence of tampering with creation: transgender extreme fighter Fallon Fox may not be able to fulfill her dream of becoming a UFC fighter because she wants to fight women, but has only been a woman for 6 years, following gender reassignment (how arrogant is that term at the age of 30.

There is tragedy in every terminal illness diagnosis, but the announcement of Valerie Rhoda Harper's brain cancer is hitting especially hard,especially after the death of Bonnie One Day at a Time Franklin's death from pancreatic cancer last week. So looking forward to the day prophesied at Isaiah 33:24: "No resident will say, 'I am sick.'"

Agape' - P

Friday, March 1, 2013

March 1, 2013

March 1: Black History month is over. But I'm just not ready to be disrespected, mistreated or forgotten for another eleven months.

I was listening to a story about famous DJ Afrojack totaling a $240,000 Ferrari one hour after purchasing it when I realized that the number of us who remember when the most famous DJ's were on the radio is dwindling. That made me sad.

Rihanna filed a restraining order against an obsessed fan who mistakenly broke into her neighbor's house instead of hers. Although a lot of people are disappointed that the restraining order was not against her boyfriend Chris Brown, isn't it gratifying to learn that she knows how to file a restraining order? At least, when she wants to.

Celebrity financial whiz Suze Orman was talking about Rob Kardashian's recent weight gain when she noted that people tend to lose money when they put on the pounds. Certainly explains a lot in my life.

The world's oldest marathon runner, 101-year-old British-based Indian runner Fauja Singh, has been excluded from the Guinness Book of World Records because he cannot produce a birth certificate. Now does everyone see the value in documentation?

The company behind the Girls Gone Wild video empire filed for bankruptcy this week. Before everybody in favor of family entertainment starts their happy dance, may I remind you that General Motors once filed for bankruptcy, too.

I have advice for R&B bad boy Bobby Brown (that makes a good tongue twister, huh?), who was recently sentenced to 55 days in jail and 4 years probation after a third DUI arrest: hire Lindsay Lohan as an advisor. Not only is she still not in jail after violating her probation last June with a car crash that involved alcohol (and she just rejected a sweet deal to go to rehab instead of jail), but she could really use some money. Win, win!

Authorities have reported finding horsemeat in frozen "beef" meatballs sold in 13 Ikea furniture stores. Thankfully, I've avoided this problem by buying my meatballs at a grocery store.

A black family (whose surname is also Black) is suing Disneyland after an employee in a rabbit costume refused to allow either of the two children in the family to touch him/her. The news report did not reveal the race of the person in costume, but the rabbit reportedly then welcomed hugs from nearby white children. I don't think I'd want some possible plushie hugging onto my kids. But this was Black History month!

The FAA is investigating a video of an airplane full of passengers doing the Harlem Shake at 30,000 feet. Their concern is that doing such dancing while in the air is dangerous. Meanwhile, I am so behind. I just mastered gangnam style!

Agape' -- P