Friday, August 30, 2013

August 30, 2013

Imperfection is proof that we need growth, not an excuse to avoid it.

She is adorable, but does anyone else see a resemblance between baby North West and the late, beloved comic legend Jonathan Winters?

As selfish as it sounds, caring for someone is a great way to remind ourselves why it's better to not have a heart of stone.

Maybe I've put too much thought into this, but I think Maude's Florida Evans was a lot hipper than Good Times' Florida Evans.

The 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech was this past Wednesday. A lot of things have changed regarding what people are and are not permitted to do, but not necessarily what people do and do not want to do.

After watching N-Sync's less-than-two-minute reunion at the 2013 MTV VMAs, I couldn't help wondering: would I give, say, my plumber, a hard time, if he couldn't snake a drain as well as he used to, after 10 years of retirement?

Speaking of the VMAs, there is a very, very, very thin line between the freedom of artistic expression, and the decision to abandon good taste. I am now calling that line: Miley Cyrus. By the way, Miley: the word 'twerk' has been officially added to the Oxford dictionary. Happy now? So, as a censored Madea would say, "Girl, time to sit your behind down."

New York mayoral candidate and selfie scandal center Anthony Weiner is denying allegations that the crowds of supporters at his recent public appearances are actually paid performers hired to camouflage his waning popularity. Now that's humiliating.

Former U.S. Army soldier Bradley Manning, convicted of espionage after leaking 750,000 pages of classified documents to the anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks, was sentenced to 35 years in prison. The following day, he announced that he wants to become a woman. That's some interesting timing.

The Google Play store no longer carries the Brazilian Android app Rastreador de Namorado, which translated, means "Boyfriend Tracker". The app, which tracks people via their cell phones, was marketed toward women suspicious of their boyfriend's fidelity. I guess women who'd rather use technology to stalk their men will have to rely on the black market (because you know the app is still available there).

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 23, 2013

August 23, 2013

I think we need a dictionary to translate politespeak; it seems there are still some people who haven't learned that the phrase "personal reasons" means "none of your doggone business."

At first, I thought those commercials for E-Harmony where the company president keeps walking in on dates with the couples they've successfully matched was very charming. Then, I began to wonder: can't they find somebody for him so that he could leave these couples alone?

Dr. Phil caused a lot of controversy by tweeting the question "Is it okay to have sex with a woman when she's drunk?" Shouldn't he know this?

A former intern is suing Bad Boy Productions for back pay; a recent California law says that interns should be paid, but this woman is complaining that her job duties were answering phones, running errands, and decorating the office for parties. Somebody explain to this woman what office interns are supposed to do.

A veteran of the Iraq war who suffers from PTSD is suing KFC because he was refused service because he was accompanied by a service dog. While this lawsuit should make a difference in the discrimination against the disabled, the fact that he was a war veteran will probably give it national attention, right?

There's something very sad about overlooking the roses at your feet just because they're surrounded by weeds.

I understand Madonna's obsession with youth, but the money she spent on her new grill is a waste, in my opinion. She'll just have to spend even more in a few years when she has to buy dentures.

Respecting our limitations means knowing what they really are.

A Park Avenue eye surgeon is looking for someone who can get him a date with a white female Ivy League graduate between the ages of 27 and 35, who wears a dress size between 0 and 2, and rates 8 or higher on a 1 to 10 scale of attractiveness. He promises a reward of $100 for the first date, either $200 or free eyelash enhancement for the second date, $300 or free Botox for the third, $400 or free Juvederm injections for the fourth, and $500 or free Lasek surgery on one eye for a fifth date. Of course, those prizes are for the matchmaker. The woman gets the ultimate prize: the surgeon. Just when you thought romance was dead.

4-year-old Bobby Tufts recently began his second term as mayor of Dorset, Minnesota, following re-election. I think that about says it all, don't you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 16, 2013

August 16, 2013

They say no one is an island, but let's face it, some people should be. And sometimes, some people want to be.

The racial discrimination charges against Paula Deen were dropped when it was revealed that the plaintiff, Lisa Jackson, is also white, and therefore, was not a victim. I can't help wondering why nobody  noticed this before. 

Since a year-old picture surfaced featuring a naked Justin Bieber holding a guitar (which he made as a birthday greeting for his grandmother! (how's she supposed to show that to her friends?)), it has become a viral trend called "Biebering". Why does Bieber get the credit, instead of this Times Square tourist attraction?

Prince just joined Twitter. Are you going to follow him? He's been known to party like it's 1999.

For years, I've said that the Devil doesn't care who he uses to hurt us. But he does; it's more effective when he uses someone we love and/or trust.

It takes self-control to avoid profanity. Because sometimes the combination of certain consonants feels so right.

As a food lover, I'm having trouble deciding which junk food craze intrigues me more: cro-nuts or pretzel buns.

President Obama was ridiculed for stating that the next generation's definition of success is being influenced by celebrities like the Kardashians; after all, the president had celebrity support during his campaign. But does that make him wrong?

I'd like to introduce a synonym for racism into the lexicon: how about ethnophobia?

A new trend is sweeping China: dressing children in watermelon rinds. Okay, they're really adorable, and it may be refreshing due to the current heat wave there, but are there no flies or bees in China?

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 9, 2013

August 9, 2013

I got a seriously mean look earlier today, because I saw a stranger carrying a really cute toddler wearing a bright pink jumper and long braids decorated in barrettes, and I said, "She is adorable." Turns out the kid's name was Nathan.

Switzerland has issued a formal apology to Oprah, who was denied a closer look at a $40,000 purse because the store clerk assumed she couldn't afford it. How big must you be to get a formal apology from a whole country?

A New Hampshire woman who was pulled over for speeding avoided a $200 ticket by telling the officer she was racing to see her dying father. Now she faces thousands of dollars in fines, because the police found out that her father died five years ago. Sometimes the right things do happen.

From now on, when life serves me lemons, I'll try to think of what happened to this guy.

ABC news editor Don Ennis, who began gender reassignment medical procedures a few months ago, now says he's reversing the procedure, because he was suffering from some form of amnesia, and is not a woman trapped in a man's body after all. See what happens when people think they have a choice?

Paula Deen has reportedly turned down an invitation to compete on Dancing With the Stars. While some have suggested that this was a bad move, because she could improve her image, given her views, I think she may not believe she has rhythm?

A lot of legitimate news airtime was devoted to Beyonce's new haircut. No wonder a lot of people think reality TV is real.

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, who faces charges of several counts of sexual harassment, reportedly wanted to use city funds to pay his legal fees. Now that took nerve.

Isn't being excited about your partner's jealousy more narcissistic than romantic?

I know that finishing my plate doesn't do a thing to help starving people, but eating when I'm full isn't good for my waist. So, the perfect compromise: smaller plates. Not only does it waste less food, but at least in my case, it cuts down on second helpings, since I'm lazier than I am gluttonous.

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 2, 2013

August 2, 2013

I have two questions for all my older relatives: (1) Just how short are june bugs? and (2) Do they even have knees?

I would like to think that I'm a lot like pro golfer Hunter Mahan, who walked away from the $1,000,00 purse of the Canadian Open (which he was very close to winning) to be with his wife as she gave birth to their first child, but I'm probably more like James Mongiat, who posted a viral video of his 30-year-old wife (soon to be ex, by the way) throwing a temper tantrum because he wouldn't take her to a party at the lake. Maybe that's why I'm single, but I'm owning it.

Word to the not-so-wise for the week: before you rush to someone's defense, make sure they're actually under attack.

Miley Cyrus and Victoria Beckham are two of the celebrities who have posed nude on tee shirts for Marc Jacobs' campaign against skin cancer. The profits from the sale of these tees are being donated to research efforts. That makes more sense than my first reaction, because one of the things I never think about at the sight of nude celebrities is that I need sunscreen.

Governor Pat Quinn has signed a bill to legalize medical marijuana in Illinois. This means I'll probably have to start making my own brownies, and stop getting them from my cousin Starbeam.

For years, people have been saying that featuring naked women in movies and music videos is empowering them, not objectifying them. First of all, is that what guys are thinking when they watch them again and again? Second, this has been going on for years; how much power do they need? And third, who are they kidding?

Stevie Wonder is one of a number of recording artists who has announced they will not perform in Florida because of the acquittal of George Zimmerman. Forgive me, but I see the chance for a really tasteless practical joke here.

I don't generally comment on politics, but it would be extremely ironic if the next mayor of New York turns out to be Anthony Weiner's opponent, whose name I don't even know, just because of the Weiner scandal (which, I'm sorry, but ironically, is a fitting name for it).

The London fire department is attributing a rise in the number of bizarre (and often embarrassing) accidents to the popularity of erotic best selling thriller 50 Shades of Grey. Apparently, numerous people get into these situations while attempting some maneuvers detailed in the book. Some optimists have commented that "at least people are reading again."

A lot of news coverage has been spent this week about whether or not Tara Reid will be appearing in the sequel to the movie Sharknado, a film about sharks being thrown around a city by a tornado. Meanwhile, a cleaning crew found a 5-foot-long dead shark blocking the entrance of the Sea Dog Brew pub in Nantucket on Thursday morning. These stories are unrelated to the best of my knowledge. But I find the Nantucket story is more interesting.

Agape' -- P