August 2, 2013

I have two questions for all my older relatives: (1) Just how short are june bugs? and (2) Do they even have knees?

I would like to think that I'm a lot like pro golfer Hunter Mahan, who walked away from the $1,000,00 purse of the Canadian Open (which he was very close to winning) to be with his wife as she gave birth to their first child, but I'm probably more like James Mongiat, who posted a viral video of his 30-year-old wife (soon to be ex, by the way) throwing a temper tantrum because he wouldn't take her to a party at the lake. Maybe that's why I'm single, but I'm owning it.

Word to the not-so-wise for the week: before you rush to someone's defense, make sure they're actually under attack.

Miley Cyrus and Victoria Beckham are two of the celebrities who have posed nude on tee shirts for Marc Jacobs' campaign against skin cancer. The profits from the sale of these tees are being donated to research efforts. That makes more sense than my first reaction, because one of the things I never think about at the sight of nude celebrities is that I need sunscreen.

Governor Pat Quinn has signed a bill to legalize medical marijuana in Illinois. This means I'll probably have to start making my own brownies, and stop getting them from my cousin Starbeam.

For years, people have been saying that featuring naked women in movies and music videos is empowering them, not objectifying them. First of all, is that what guys are thinking when they watch them again and again? Second, this has been going on for years; how much power do they need? And third, who are they kidding?

Stevie Wonder is one of a number of recording artists who has announced they will not perform in Florida because of the acquittal of George Zimmerman. Forgive me, but I see the chance for a really tasteless practical joke here.

I don't generally comment on politics, but it would be extremely ironic if the next mayor of New York turns out to be Anthony Weiner's opponent, whose name I don't even know, just because of the Weiner scandal (which, I'm sorry, but ironically, is a fitting name for it).

The London fire department is attributing a rise in the number of bizarre (and often embarrassing) accidents to the popularity of erotic best selling thriller 50 Shades of Grey. Apparently, numerous people get into these situations while attempting some maneuvers detailed in the book. Some optimists have commented that "at least people are reading again."

A lot of news coverage has been spent this week about whether or not Tara Reid will be appearing in the sequel to the movie Sharknado, a film about sharks being thrown around a city by a tornado. Meanwhile, a cleaning crew found a 5-foot-long dead shark blocking the entrance of the Sea Dog Brew pub in Nantucket on Thursday morning. These stories are unrelated to the best of my knowledge. But I find the Nantucket story is more interesting.

Agape' -- P