Friday, November 30, 2012

November 30, 2012

Sometimes, you figure out that your headache came from beating your head against a wall.

I just saw a clip from a new game show where a man won $10,000 for enduring several electric shocks from shock collars while trying to serve a Mexican feast and simultaneously singing "Ramblin' Man." What, did they cancel Jeopardy?

A lot of female patrons of a Beverly Hills restaurant partly owned by movie star Ryan Gosling are upset because the star isn't there very often. I've eaten at restaurants owned by both Oprah and Mike Ditka, and all I ever got was overcharged for mediocre potatoes and a new love for fried ice cream.

GQ magazine released its list of the 10 least influential people of 2012. The list included Mitt Romney, Amanda Bynes, Madonna, and Billy Crystal. Ironically, nobody cared.

A woman in Pittsburgh has started a business called the Milk Truck, a converted ice cream truck where mothers can nurse their children in private. See? There are fresh ideas for the aspiring entreprenuer. Of course, some women just use blankets.

She found her self-respect as soon as she realized that the people she was trying so desperately to impress were not worth the trouble.

I remember all the criticism people were giving producers for casting Lindsay Lohan to portray Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime Television's recent biopic. Sometimes people are right.

No offense to Folgers, but the best part of waking up is the waking part.

Really good advice that an increasing number of people need to hear: "Don't be a moron."

When you consider what the majority of people are into these days, maybe it's okay that a lot of people don't get you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 23, 2012

November 23, 2012

There's been a lot iof talk about what people are thankful for. How many of us remember the main One we should be thankful to?

Sometimes, despite all your efforts to make things better, you just have to wait.

There's a difference between gettingover something and getting through it.

This week alone, I've seen YouTube videos made by people singing about pizza, turkey, and doughnuts. What's up with that?

I just heard a nutritionist suggest using the color blue (as in blue plates and napkins) to lose weight, because we associate the color blue with mold. I don't want to use nausea as an appetite suppressant.

A diminishing number of people are complaining that people don't know what it is being celebrated at holidays. And even they are often wrong.

One of the turkeys pardoned by President Obama last Thanksgiving was euthanized by local veterinarians earlier this week, and no one is saying why. Is there a conspiracy?

British officials moved quickly to remove PR photos of Prince William from his website. The photos, showing the prince at work with the Royal Air Force, showed military computer passwords in the background. Oops. Looks like Prince Harry isn't the only one who needs to watch out for cameras.

Manufacturers of Lafco bath sets, the Corkicle wine-chilling cork, the Tusk Capri checkbook clutch, and the Octane Fitness elliptical trainer are reporting record sales increases (some as high as 350%!) after their items appeared on Oprah's annual list of favorite things. You've heard of the Phantom of the Opera? Witness the Power of the Oprah.

It's ironic that people showing strength of character are often unappreciated, but reacting to that would require less character.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 16, 2012

November 16, 2012

It is sad that she prefers to be treated badly; it'd be even sadder if you behaved like a jerk to get her attention.

I'd like to believe that most people choose substance over style. But the billions of dollars spent on advertising are there for a reason.

Yes, it's shallow... but have you ever heard a crack so clever that you want to get into an argument so you can repeat it? It's not really worth it, but sometimes it's a really good crack.

Just a big kid at heart; when I eat turkey legs, I like to pretend I'm Fred Flintstone with a big ole brontasaurus leg. Admit it, you know you do it, too.

Thanks a lot, Youtube. Now that anyone can be a celebrity, it's finally cool to be a nobody.

Does it bother anyone that the director of the CIA wasn't better at hiding an affair?

I must have less time on my hands than I thought, because I still haven't learned to dance gangnam style.

Oprah (who doesn't even need a last name anymore) is reportedly launching her own line of organic food and bath products. Something tells me this will be interesting to watch.

I want to open a school to teach people the important lessons that are often overlooked, like not to squeeze toothpaste from the middle, where to keep milk in the refrigerator, and that toilet paper should come out from under the roll. Think I can get funding?

When you know your limits and your motivation, there's room for individuality... even in a group.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 9, 2012

November 9, 2012

Seeing the presidential candidates as they made public appearances on Election Day made me wonder: does anyone change their minds about a candidate based on a last-minute handshake?

Some bright sides are hard to find. For instance: people with small vocabularies may not realize half the times they're insulted.

It's been over a year since I played Farmville. I miss my neighbors. And I miss my two red-haired virtual dogs, Rascal and Rusty. But I don't miss mucking out my virtual stables and milking my virtual cows every day.

He broke her heart. She found the strength to recover and become even stronger. He wants to take credit for that. He has a lot of nerve.

I think I'd rather say something that makes no sense than repeat something that makes no sense. The repeater missed a chance to realize it made no sense the first time he heard it.

In kindergarten, I decided I didn't like the capital cursive G (as in the General Mills logo) because it looks nothing like a G to me. And I've never looked back.

Jermaine Jackson has filed papers to legally change his name to Jermaine Jacksun, reportedly for "artistic reasons." I didn't understand "Metta World Peace" (formerly Ron Artest), but at least it wasn't the worst idea.

Do you know the theme to the TV show Suburgatory? "Last night I had a pleasant nightmare, da-da-da-da da-da-da-da..." Sometimes it gets stuck in my head. The worst part? That's the only part they play!!!

A woman in Kenya is naming her newborn twins Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. I'm not trying to keep track, but that's two more babies I feel sorrier for than I do Honey Boo Boo.

Maybe she's so quiet because of the reaction she gets when she's being vocal.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 2, 2012

November 2, 2012

Have you noticed that some people will defend your right to have an opinion, but not your right to disagree?

A study has determined that watching horror films aids weight loss; up to 184(!) calories can be burned by an increased metabolic rate and the speed of blood circulation as the pulse quickens. But I don't need a horror film; the fact that money was spent studying something I learned in grammar school science is already pretty scary.

I'm still waiting for scientists to determine what random phenomenon caused the big bang believed to have created such an orderly universe.

82-year-old Gene Hackman slapped a homeless man who called Hackman's wife a terribly vulgar name. Some people are impressed that Hackman defended his wife, some people are surprised that the homeless man is suing Hackman, but I'm just intrigued because I never hear of men slapping each other any more.

Disney has bought the Star Wars franchise from creator George Lucas, and plans to remake the films. I'm not sure I want to see a Disney version of the Princess Leia/Jabba the Hutt scene from Return of the Jedi. Although Disney's ewoks might be kind of cute.

Americans are projected to have spent $8,000,000,000.00 on Halloween this year. Recession reschmession.

My heart goes out to those victimized by Hurricane Sandy. Meanwhile, Sandy is too cute a name for something causing so much damage. What's next, Tropical Storm Skippy?

A Chinese citizen was granted his divorce because his wife had extensive plastic surgery before they married. The tip-off? A DNA test confirming he truly was the bio dad of their 5-month-old "incredibly ugly" baby. I don't want to encourage it, but I think there's a reality show in the making here. There's actually a child I feel sorrier for than Honey Boo Boo.

Octomom Nadya Suleman reportedly went to rehab due to addiction to the anti-anxiety medication Xanyx. Hmmm... 14 kids, 8 of them 3 years old... bankruptcy... public scrutiny... death threats... a career in porn.... do you think she's stressed?

From the people-still-surprise-me-department: while Hurricane Sandy ravaged the East Coast, there was a large number of New Yorkers using the storm to solicit adult encounters, a/k/a "hurricane hookups" via Craigslist. I guess there's nothing like priorities.

Agape' -- P