Friday, March 28, 2014

March 28, 2014

 So, drunks are now referred to as overserved, and, according to Gwyneth Paltrow, a marital breakup is a conscious uncoupling. When will somebody come up with a politically correct term for fat guys?

A 33-year-old man in Tampa was caught on camera flipping off a woman he'd been tailgating on a rain-slicked Florida highway seconds before spinning off the road and into a light pole. Because no one was hurt, I'd like to just express this on behalf of patient drivers everywhere: ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Reportedly, 5% of Americans suffer from electromagnetic hypersensitivity (which is not nearly as sensational a name as WiFi allergy). A number of sufferers have settled in Green Bank, West Virginia,where WiFi is banned to prevent interference with telescopes. It is for people like this that snail male, land telephone lines, and printed newspapers still exist,

An 18-year-old Georgia man will face legal action of he can't return the $31,000 accidentally deposited into his account via a banking error that had gone undetected for 10 days. The problem is, during those 10 days, the young man spent $25,000 of the money.

According to designer Tommy Hilfiger, David Beckham is the underwear model of the century. Hey, Ragboy, we're only 14 years into the century. That gives me 86 years to change your mind.

Know how, in the movies, inmates just start drooling with revenge when the cop or district attorney who bested them gets thrown into the prison with them? When I heard about Judge Joe Brown's contempt of court arrest this week, that was all I could think about.

Thankfully, no one was fatally injured when a train operator fell asleep and drove a blue line train into Chicago's O'Hare airport. Otherwise, I couldn't tell this joke: What did the escalator say to the luggage carousel? "Excuse me, I have to catch a train."

How come when I hear that a movie, album, restaurant or TV show promoted as "the one everybody's talking about", usually, nobody I know is actually talking about it?

A teenage carjacker in Omaha who was out on bail is back in jail after getting caught trying to steal another car at gunpoint this week. What thwarted his plans? He couldn't drive a stick shift. See? Another reason to keep auto shop courses in the public school curriculum..

And now, a word that may or may not be directed at someone specific: maybe you haven't asked because you're afraid the right answer is no.

Agape' -- P