Friday, September 28, 2012

September 28, 2012

Why do people often confuse the words typical and normal? I define what's normal for me, not the majority of people.

When you expect the worst from others, that's often what you get. The same holds true when you expect the best.

The NFL commissioner admitted in a recent interview that settling contract disputes with the referees was pushed forward by the now famous blown call made by an interim ref in last week's Seahawks/Packers game. Incompetence is such an interesting negotiator.

Despite multiple protestations to the contrary by the National Pork Council, there are predictions that there will be a worldwide shortage of bacon next year. While I'm alarmed about the possibility of no more bacon, I'm so fascinated that there is actually a National Pork Council.

Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart have reportedly reconciled. My take on this news is: who cares? Haven't you heard? We're running out of bacon!

One of my pet peeves is computer software that is automatically installed to replace the software I've chosen. Just because I'm using a computer, don't assume I don't know what browser or search engine I want to use. If you really want me to appreciate your product, don't try to force me to use it.

In his recently published memoir. Total Recall, former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger states that his extra-marital affair with his housekeeper, and the concealment of their child, was "politically acceptable" because his campaign platform was not family values. What a powerful example of justifying bad behavior.

Actress Elizabeth Hurley has come under fire for designing a line of bikini swimwear for prepubescent girls. Recently, there was a news itemabout a school that teaches pole dancing for children. I don't think Honey Boo Boo is the only child we have to worry about.

A report was recently released predicting that half the world's population will be obese within the next 20 years. I have to find a better way to be ahead of my time.

It's pitiful to be so inaecure that you have to use others to elevate yourself. But when you lie to do it, it goes from pitiful to just plain wrong.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 21, 2012

September 21, 2012

It feels great to be loved. It feels great to be appreciated. To be both is amazing.

I'm all for giving quality food to dogs, but it's hard to remain enthused knowing they don't mind drinking out of toilets. Speaking of which, do you think dogs resent us when they see what we do in their big porcelain water dishes?

The commercial that made me laugh out loud this week is the Jetta commercial where the guy has to carry his bulldog around all day because the dog swallowed his keys. Love it!

I'm getting over a miserable cold this week, and it made me realize I haven't had a cold in years. So I really won't complain about it.

Last year, I watched a TV segment where celebrity chef Jamie Oliver ground, breaded, and fried chicken fat, skin, and bones to show a group of children how easy it is to make chicken nuggets out of them. To his dismay (and my horror), the kids still wanted to eat them! Meanwhile, I can't look at a chicken nugget without wondering. Thanks a lot, Jamie.

At, you can buy a custom made chair with a picture of a celebrity printed on the seat for the price of $950. I've said it before, I'll say it again: some things are so stupid, I don't need to write a joke about it.

Father/daughter dances and mother/son baseball games have been banned in the Cranston, Rhode Island school district because they are in violation of the state's laws against gender discrimination. Perhaps they'd be okay with father/son dances and mother/daughter baseball games?

While I appreciate the value of a good impression, I think a lot of fundamental qualities of individuals are overlooked when people make immediate assumptions about each other.

If I find an actor particularly excellent in one role and totally repulsive in another, does that mean he's a gifted actor?

Survival is something to be thankful for. But it's unhealthy to make hardship your identity.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 14, 2012

September 14, 2012

Being miserable may not be a choice, but staying miserable is.

Jessica Simpson has been criticized this week for her new commercial for Weight Watchers, which does not reveal her alleged progress as a member trying to lose her post-pregnancy weight. But let's face it, everybody loses weight at different rates. They can't all be Jennifer Hudsons, some are Kirstie Alleys.

A Canadian school offering $70/hour pole dancing classes to children answers its critics with the claim that teaching children to climb a stripper pole is no more sexual than teaching them to climb trees. However, I never hear of guys spending their paychecks watching women climb trees.

A Canadian news report this week announced the theft of $30,000,000 worth of maple syrup in Quebec. There have been no leads in the case, but I suggest the police stake out pancake and waffle houses.

These two fascinating stories from Canada does remind me that Canada has legalized marijuana. I'm not saying there's a connection... it may be just a wild coincidence, man.

Everyone has baggage... it's called baggage because it will weigh you down if you don't let go of it.

Okay, the Green Bay Packers defeated the Chicago Bears 23-10 last night. But Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers wussed on his promise to wear a 49ers jersey after losing a bet to Boys II Men last week. So we have a moral victory, right? No, losing still bites.

New York authorities have passed a ban on serving soft drinks in sizes greater than 16 ounces in restaurants and movie theaters. While the proposed motive is to reduce the health risk of too much refined sugar, I can't help wondering when personal responsibility became such a menace.

The meaning of the term celebrity hasn't changed, but the caliber of who the public choose to celebrate sure has. Case in point: the judges of the TV competition show X Factor were recently honored by having their handprints and footprints preserved in cement in front of Grauman's Chinese theater, alongside true Hollywood legends. So, there's Elizabeth Taylor, Sydney Poitier, and then... Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. There's something very wrong there.

Speaking of the absurd obsession with celebrities, I think what Brett Cohen did was brilliant; a virtual unknown, he had friends film him walking around New York surrounded by an entourage of more friends, and generated so much buzz among onlookers that he has himself become a celebrity. You know how I love irony.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 7, 2012

September 7, 2012

A pair of stained underwear that belonged to Elvis is scheduled for an auction this month. The briefs, which have never been washed, are expected to sell for at least $15,000. After all, he was the king.

The latest episode of the TV crime drama Perception reminded me that sometimes reality hits your dreams and goals pretty hard, and you have to find a new dream and a new goal instead of wallowing in misery. Our ability to change direction like that is more testimony to how well we are designed.

I appreciate that the Perdue Chicken company assures us that their product is of the highest quality, but I don't care to see those healthy chickens walking around in their TV ads, since I know they're about to be slaughtered and plucked for my consumption. One solution would be not to eat chicken... but changing the channel is easier.

A former Ohio corrections officer was arrested after throwing two footballs filled with marijuana and other contraband over a prison wall to two inmates. What's puzzling is that, according to prison officials, this happens more often than you might think.

I received a visit this week from a childhood connection whom I haven't seen in years. What's wonderful is that we could reconnect as adults and not regress to behaving like children.

While reporting on the tragic death of actor Michael Clarke Duncan, one news broadcast mistakenly accompanied the news copy with film footage of recording artist Seal. I'm not suggesting they had trouble distinguishing between the two men, but the faux pas would be easier to overlook had it been footage of Barry Manilow.

There are so many questions unanswered in the universe: how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? What are the Kardashians doing in the entertainment industry? And why does the Acme Manufacturing company keep extending Wile E. Coyote's credit?

There are a lot of brilliant, beautiful, well-mannered women out there. But it's the wild, screaming banshees generating all the money on reality TV.

Here's an example of how warped things are: one of the most successful infomercial products is called Insanity.

Three women were arrested for assaulting a Red Lobster waitress. Their complaint was that the server was refilling their water glasses too often. I just don't get that; it isn't as if she'd stop bringing thoae Cheddar Bay biscuits.

Agape' -- P