Friday, November 29, 2013

November 29, 2013

There's nothing like consistency: stuffing a face with delicious food has as much to do with true gratitude as decorated trees and painted eggs have to do with Christ's birth and resurrection.

Thanks to free enterprise and merchant competition, many stores launched their Black Friday sales on Thursday afternoon. If this keeps up, it won't be long before breakfast becomes the big Thanksgiving meal.

I am not questioning anyone's integrity here, but has anyone else noticed that the women featured in the local injury-settlement-lawyer commercials are more endowed in their after pictures than their before pictures? I'm just asking.

Playing by the rules may not always give you the better score, but a moral victory is the better prize.

While I don't care to see James Franco and Seth Rogan's parody of Kim Kardashian's video with Kanye West, I am amused by the fact that they made fun of it. I'm also thankful that they didn't parody the video Kim did with Ray J.

Speaking of Kanye West, he recently encouraged a boycott on Louis Vuitton products after the company's vice president snubbed his request for a meeting. I never cared about the LV label, and now I wish I could afford something.

Miley Cyrus turned 21 recently; is anyone else worried that, now that she's a legal adult, she'll start behaving inappropriately?

Recently, an interviewer asked Conrad Murray if, in his opinion, the late Michael Jackson was a pedophile. After a long pause, Murray did not answer the question, but instead described in detail how he personally applied a catheter to Jackson on a nightly basis. I could point out how unseemly it is to consult a man who just served time for killing a man about the man's sexual behavior, but, given that Jackson's daughter Paris is currently being treated after a suicide attempt, whatever does anyone hope to gain by discussing this?

Alec Baldwin has reportedly been fired from his latest TV gig after hurling another anti-gay epithet in public. Considering that the entertainment industry is largely populated by gay-friendly people, not the brightest thing to keep doing. Ask Mel Gibson, who lately is becoming better known as "Who?"

I have truly enjoyed Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, and even the Priceline Negotiator, but really, William Shatner's collaboration with State Farm on a PSA about turkey-frying safety is genius!

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 22, 2013

November 22, 2013

I love women. The two most important people in my life are women. Therefore, I disagree with the often-made, chauvinistic assumption that cranky women are just hormonal; I live with two women who are WAY beyond the stage of hormonal misdirection... yet they sometimes wake up cranky... and even downright evil.

Okay, what does it mean that the approval rating of Toronto mayor Bob Ford went UP after a video surfaced of him smoking crack cocaine in a past drunken stupor?

I don't know which is more disgusting, that traces of both cocaine and the herpes virus were found on library copies of 50 Shades of Grey, that it must have been anticipated in order for health authorities to look for them, or that people weren't anticipating it when they borrowed the book. I guess reading is more than fundamental.

Even with many vendors donating their services, the city of San Francisco spent $105,000 last week, turning an area of the city into a replica of Gotham City, to fulfill the wish of 5-year-old leukemia patient Miles Scott, a/k/a "Batkid", to be a superhero. Some have suggested that, since Miles' cancer has gone into remission, his wish should not have been fulfilled. So, would they rather his cancer get worse?

Chris Brown's early exit from anger management rehab makes me wonder: how do you measure success in anger management rehab? Tick the patient off and see how he reacts? Now, it has been revealed that he was kicked out of the rehab facility after he responded to his mother's suggestion that he needed counseling by throwing a rock through her car window. You know I love irony.

DeskBeers is a British company that will deliver beer to business offices on Friday; the concept is to "increase efficiency and improve creativity." Not having such a service here in the U.S., I had to try this on my own. But my results were different; maybe I did it wrong?

Respect is not a requirement for love. But it is a requirement for friendship.

A Brazilian woman who offered to sell her virginity last year for $800,000 has raised the price to $1,500,000. I didn't study marketing, but isn't the price of something that isn't selling supposed to go DOWN?

Since being acquitted after the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman has had a number of altercations with police. This week, he was arrested for threatening his girlfriend with a shotgun. Something tells me he'll be the subject of public scrunity until he's in prison. Something also tells me it'll just be a matter of time.

I've always wanted the specs on The Jeffersons' cookware; I never knew anyone so rich that "fish don't fry in the kitchen" or "beans don't burn on the grill." Have you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 15, 2013

November 15, 2013

I'm not sure what this means, but I recently found myself trying to list the only places I'd consider it safe to wear noise-cancelling headphones.

I'm not big on commercializing popular music; someone should pay for using Rick James' Superfreak (by way of MC Hammer's Can't Touch This) to sell frozen waffles. But Nelly should be too edgy for his breakfast cereal jingle "Must Be The Honey". That's in its own category of wrong.

November 11 is actually celebrated as Singles Day in China; the fact that the month and day are made up of the number 1 are used to symbolize being alone. Ironically, the date is also popular with some people as wedding dates; the repetition of the number 1 symbolizes the sentiment "You're the only one for me." I guess it's all about what you choose to make it about.

Dave Wilson, the newest elected member of the Houston Community College Board, is being criticized for his campaign tactics; running in a district populated mostly with black people, Wilson, a white man, sent out fliers featuring happy black families and omitting his own picture. His defeated opponent, 24 year incumbent Bruce Austin, has demanded a recount. It's insulting to suggest that people select candidates based on race; give me an eternal ruler who has no color.

Andrew and Lauren Silverman, who are getting divorced, have an interesting settlement regarding their 7-year-old son Adam; each time Lauren's boyfriend/baby daddy, X-Factor judge/media mogul Simon Cowell, goes near Adam, Lauren has to pay a $50,000 penalty. After 3 violations, Lauren will lose all contact with Adam until custody is reviewed in court. There are also clauses demanding that Andrew is never trashed in Adam's presence, and that Andrew is the only one Adam will ever address as "Dad". While I find the whole thing extremely none of my business, I'm fascinated by how quickly parents become arbiters, children become prizes, and attorneys become necessary.

The InstLike app, which promised to incrrase the number of "likes" on user's Instagram photos and followers on Instagram accounts, duped hundreds of thousands of users into submitting their Instagram passwords to do so. People, there's a reason they're called passwords!

Did you know that November 16 is Guinness World Record Day? I didn't. Ironically, on Thursday, November 14, Harlem Globetrotters rookie Corey "Thunder" Law broke the world record for the longest successful basketball shot with a one-armed shot a full 109.75 feet from the basket. Congratulations, Thunder. And what a cool nickname.

Brazilian police are looking for the person(s) behind an ad posted on a classified website Tuesday, November 12, offering a baby for sale for $430, simply statin that the crying baby is stopping his parents from a good night's sleep. The ad was pulled after 12 hours for violating the website's standards. I just want to know how they came up with a price of $430.

It's hard to believe there are people who don't instinctively get this, but when you're whispered to in public, your response should be a whisper, too.

Several years ago, I lost the only good driver's license photo I've ever taken. I'm still not over it. But there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 8, 2013

November 8, 2013

I called Ripley's: Believe It or Not! to report this; I'm still waiting to hear from them. Brace yourself for this shocker: the other day, I met two people that were the same age, same race, same color, same sexual orientation, same family, same gender, who had the same political views. But (get this): they had two different opinions about a lot of things! Can you believe it?

Why is it that people who drink too much are called "overserved", but people who eat too much are called "gluttons"?

All over the world, a lot of men (and possibly, some very committed women) are growing mustaches for Movember, a month-long effort to raise awareness for prostate, testicular, and other male-associated cancers, essentially "changing the face of cancer." But what if you already have a mustache? I suppose shaving it would also be "changing the face", but then you wouldn't look like you're participating. Oh, what to do, what to do?

Okay, if you have ever eaten one of those huge restaurant style barbecued turkey drumsticks without thinking about Fred Flintstone eating one of those pterodactyl legs... I bet you can't now.

I am very impressed by the way the producers of Saturday Night Live responded to the recent criticisms that there are no black women in their cast; rather than ignore the criticisms (or rush to hire a token black woman to appease their critics), they addressed it with humor by having guest host Kerry Washington (insert sigh of admiration) portray several black women in every skit during the program. But, if they're sincere about looking for an experienced sketch comedian who happens to be black and female, how about Kim Wayans, Kim Coles, or Debra Wilson? Are any of them available? Or how about at least auditioning some black female stand-ups, like Loni Love or Wanda Sykes?

A new twist on massage therapy is going on in Indonesia: during a snake body massage, pythons, with their mouths taped shut, slither all over the bodies of clients, giving a deep tissue massage to relieve their stress. Is anybody else creeped out by this?

Empire Biscuits opened its first 24-hour biscuit restaurant in New York a week ago. With 24 different spread options on its menu, the restaurant was forced to shut down at 3:00pm on its first day, after running out of food for the overwhelming customer demand. After regrouping, the owners reopened the next day. Apparently, this was a need that needed to be filled; unfortunately, the cute little Pillsbury dough boy isn't doing that adorable little giggle anymore.

Don't assume she's anti-social; maybe she finds her navel more fascinating than the 50 cents you saved 20 years ago by drinking orange drink instead of orange juice.

In the British film Philomena, Dame Judi Dench stars as a woman searching for the son she bore out of wedlock and was forced to give away. The film's producer is challengjng the MPAA, who has given the movie an R rating, ostensibly because of two mentions of the "F" word. This raises a lot of questions: compared to the sex and violence available on TV, the Internet, and video games, is this really a necessary rating? Are artistic integrity and the use of the word that important to the plot? Is this conflict really a clever effort to publicize the film?

It has been reported that famed chef Charlie Trotter, who has been creditted with putting Chicago on the national culinary map, and inspired numerous well-known chefs all over the country, defied doctors' orders to avoid flying after being diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. Whether that was what led to his death on November 5 has yet to be determined; while he will be greatly missed, the impact of his talent will be savored by millions.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 1, 2013

November 1, 2013

It's a mistake to disregard logic simply because you've heard it before, especially if you never even considered it; perhaps you weren't listening the first 998 times. You could be in a totally different place when you hear it the 999th time.

A woman made headlines this week by promising her neighbors that she'd give candy to trick-or-treaters she deemed healthy, but would give letters counselling the parents to any children she considered moderately obese. Maybe she's short on toilet paper, or wants her house covered in eggs.

Reports are that the most popular costumes children wore to celebrate Halloween this year included Miley Cyrus' VMA skinsuit, a sexy French maid uniform, and a pimp. So, this is what people call harmless fun?

The FAA made news this week, announcing that the regulation for airplane passengers to turn off most electronic devices during takeoffs and landings has been removed. I can't help wondering how long these takeoffs and landings take, that this was such an inconvenience. Or has the sense of entitlement become so widespread that a few minutes is too much of a sacrifice for safety?

Italian scientists have found that dogs wag their tails to the right upon seeing something positive, and to the left when they see something negative. I'd like to see a study on how much funding is spent on certain studies while people are starving all over the world.

It's not only annoying to be told what to think or feel because of your birth race or color; it's downright insulting.

Troubled (I think that's a fair description) recording artist Chris Brown has entered anger management rehab, just after well-known troubled celebrity pugilist Mike Tyson publicly advised him to address his problems. You know you're in trouble when Mike Tyson has to tell you you have a problem.

I still say the candy bar labellers have it wrong; it's the king size candies that are fun size.

Altruism doesn't always go well; her makeover was unsuccessful because no one considered that she preferred the person she was to the person they wanted her to be.

Houston police are admonishing the city's citizens after a pantsless homeless man lay dead on a busy street for 20 hours while several people took pictures with their cellphones, but no one called for help. There really are no words, are there?

Agape' -- P