Friday, December 28, 2012

December 28, 2012

Take care; even eternal life can be squandered.

According to statistics, 80% of living Americans over 100 years old are women. See, women? In this world, you always get the last word.

I love gummi bears and gummi worms as much as the next guy, but I`m a grown man. You can give me the regular vitamins.

A recent Nielsen study reveals that 1/3 of Americans are using social media from the bathroom. I have two things to say about this: (1) I will never do this. (2) If you do this, please don`t tell me.

When will people (especially celebrities) learn, if you have to get drunk, party at home?

The soon-to-be ex-wife of CSI creator Anthony Zuiker is expected to be awarded a sizeable chunk of the $6,000,000,000 he`s worth when their 20-year marriage soon ends in divorce. Ironically, she discouraged him from selling the CSI concept which made them rich. The message? Prenups aren`t just for the wealthy.

Okay, have we heard enough about the Chris Brown/Rihanna reunion? At this point, What`s Love Got to Do With It? (pun definitely intended)

A teenage girl in New Jersey has petitioned Hasbro to design an EasyBake oven for boys (the current model only comes in pink). Somebody enlighten this girl that there are better ways to make cupcakes than with a lightbulb.

Clay Aiken has his Claynation, Hulk Hogan his Hulkamaniacs, and Justin Bieber his Beliebers. Have you ever wondered what you`d call your fans if you reached megastar status? I think mine would be... delusional.

Some people prefer waffles to pancakes, some prefer salt to sugar... as a fat man, I beg you, "Can`t we all just get along?"

Agape` -- P

Friday, December 21, 2012

December 21, 2012

Lindsay Lohan sent roses to Charlie Sheen to thank him for the $100,000 he gave her to pay her IRS debt. This was after he publicly slammed her for not thanking him. Her excuse was that she lost his phone number when her phone broke. With excuses like that, is it any wonder that she`s always in trouble with the law?

The Christmas holiday season is almost over. Soon, the premise that you can buy the love of the people in your life will be temporarily replaced by the premise that you can ensure a happier year by not being alone when the year begins.

Hatred does not crush your spirit... insignificance does.

A company known as Baubles has marketed scrotum-shaped Christmas tree ornaments to raise awareness of testicular cancer. Further proof that you don`t have to be tasteful to support a worthy cause.

ABC is developing a sitcom based on the adolescence of 18-year-old Justin Bieber, focusing on his unorthodox experience of being raised by a single mom. Nevermind that he`s still an adolescent. Nevermind that there are millions of people currently being raised by single parents. How do they greenlight ideas like this, while they cancel quality programming?

Several discussions were sparked last week by ESPN commentator Rob Parker`s reference to Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III as a "cornbread brother" because Griffin is a black man engaged to marry a white woman. Parker, who is also black, did praise Griffin for wearing braids as an "authentic black person", but considers him not "down for the cause" because of his choice in women and possibly politics (he might be a Republican). Further proof that you can be foolish and have a career in television. Meanwhile, how ironic is it that Griffin plays for a team named after a slur against native Americans?

There are exponentially more people treated like crap than there are people who deserve to be treated like crap.

Last week, numerologists anticipated the date of December 12, 2012, because the next date with digital significance won't occur until January 1, 3001 (1/1/01). This week, it's December 21, 2012, anticipated by followers of the Mayan calendar, as well as, perhaps, numerologists with dyslexia.

How do you reach that level of celebrity that makes you forget (or not care about) underwear? Don't complain about papparazzi invading your privacy when you don't wear drawers to an event where you know you'll be photographed.

My heart goes out to those suffering after the horror of last week's tragedy in Connecticut. Have you noticed that people immediately try to place or deflect blame? Was it caused by violent entertainment? Who is responsible, the producers, or the consumers? Is it the fault of legislators who don't write stronger gun laws, ineffective law enforcement, or an imperfect judicial network? How do stronger gun laws affect people psychotic enough to break the laws alrrady in place? And is the concentration on placing or deflecting blame overshadowing the tragedy?

Agape' - P

Friday, December 14, 2012

December 14, 2012

Charlie Sheen revealed to the press that Lindsay Lohan has yet to thank him for the $100,000 he gave her to pay a huge IRS debt. Ordinarily, I couldn't care less, but come on, how bad are your manners that Charlie Sheen can call you out on being rude?

I don't advocate immodesty or indecency, but have you ever noticed that the people who walk around in the least amount of clothing are usually the ones who need the most amount of clothing?

I know I'm the one to blame, but I still rue the day I learned how easy it is to operate my deep fryer.

I don't mind that my standards dictate the entertainment I choose, but I refuse to believe I'm supposed to enjoy something because of my age, race, or nationality.

Why do people sing in the shower, but not in the tub?

How messed up is it that a store called Crate & Barrel sells neither crates nor barrels?

This week was the 20th anniversary of the text message. It was also the week that the Pope made his first tweet. And you were there.

The much-anticipated date of December 12, 2012 occurred this week. A lot of people have been waiting for something of galactic enormity to happen on this date. I caught a cold.

If the phenomenon of reality TV has taught us anything, it is the power of the video editor.

Is it weird that I have no issues about losing at Words With Friends with real people, but get really ticked off when the 3 virtual people kick my behind playing Hearts?

Agape' -- P

Friday, December 7, 2012

December 7, 2012

I know that fascinating and interesting are two different things, but somebody please get Barbara Walters a dictionary, because Honey BooBoo is neither of the most of 2012.

It would be ideal to be both, but if you had to choose between being liked and being loved, I'd choose loved.

A frenchman named Dumas is aspiring to teach at a high school. I think he should change his name, don't you?

Sometimes, people make a big deal out of an act of kindness simply because they're not used to it.

86-year-old Hugh Hefner is engaged to marry the 26-year-old girlfriend who called off their wedding a year ago. Maybe she was waiting to get married a little older.

It tickles me, how local TV stations keep renaming news shows to compete with each other. I've seen Eyewitness News, Spotlight News, Snapshot News, etc. And then they spend a whole segment reporting that Eddie Cibrian's wife doesn't get along with his ex-wife.

She didn't tell anyone that she was hurting because it would hurt more to discover that no one cared.

In Great Britain, a 14-year-old was kicked off his soccer team for uttering one cuss word during a match, even after his mom produced a medical card proving he suffers from Tourette's. Ironically, if he lived in the U.S., that card would go for big bucks on the black market, but would probably never be needed.

I'm not in favor of lawsuits within a family, but I don't understand why the parents of a 41-year-old have to sue to evict him from their house.

holiday (n): a costly, calendar-driven, stress-inducing tradition usually employed to demonstrate warmth and caring that should be part of daily life, often celebrating pagan beliefs under a veneer of spirituality.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 30, 2012

November 30, 2012

Sometimes, you figure out that your headache came from beating your head against a wall.

I just saw a clip from a new game show where a man won $10,000 for enduring several electric shocks from shock collars while trying to serve a Mexican feast and simultaneously singing "Ramblin' Man." What, did they cancel Jeopardy?

A lot of female patrons of a Beverly Hills restaurant partly owned by movie star Ryan Gosling are upset because the star isn't there very often. I've eaten at restaurants owned by both Oprah and Mike Ditka, and all I ever got was overcharged for mediocre potatoes and a new love for fried ice cream.

GQ magazine released its list of the 10 least influential people of 2012. The list included Mitt Romney, Amanda Bynes, Madonna, and Billy Crystal. Ironically, nobody cared.

A woman in Pittsburgh has started a business called the Milk Truck, a converted ice cream truck where mothers can nurse their children in private. See? There are fresh ideas for the aspiring entreprenuer. Of course, some women just use blankets.

She found her self-respect as soon as she realized that the people she was trying so desperately to impress were not worth the trouble.

I remember all the criticism people were giving producers for casting Lindsay Lohan to portray Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime Television's recent biopic. Sometimes people are right.

No offense to Folgers, but the best part of waking up is the waking part.

Really good advice that an increasing number of people need to hear: "Don't be a moron."

When you consider what the majority of people are into these days, maybe it's okay that a lot of people don't get you?

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 23, 2012

November 23, 2012

There's been a lot iof talk about what people are thankful for. How many of us remember the main One we should be thankful to?

Sometimes, despite all your efforts to make things better, you just have to wait.

There's a difference between gettingover something and getting through it.

This week alone, I've seen YouTube videos made by people singing about pizza, turkey, and doughnuts. What's up with that?

I just heard a nutritionist suggest using the color blue (as in blue plates and napkins) to lose weight, because we associate the color blue with mold. I don't want to use nausea as an appetite suppressant.

A diminishing number of people are complaining that people don't know what it is being celebrated at holidays. And even they are often wrong.

One of the turkeys pardoned by President Obama last Thanksgiving was euthanized by local veterinarians earlier this week, and no one is saying why. Is there a conspiracy?

British officials moved quickly to remove PR photos of Prince William from his website. The photos, showing the prince at work with the Royal Air Force, showed military computer passwords in the background. Oops. Looks like Prince Harry isn't the only one who needs to watch out for cameras.

Manufacturers of Lafco bath sets, the Corkicle wine-chilling cork, the Tusk Capri checkbook clutch, and the Octane Fitness elliptical trainer are reporting record sales increases (some as high as 350%!) after their items appeared on Oprah's annual list of favorite things. You've heard of the Phantom of the Opera? Witness the Power of the Oprah.

It's ironic that people showing strength of character are often unappreciated, but reacting to that would require less character.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 16, 2012

November 16, 2012

It is sad that she prefers to be treated badly; it'd be even sadder if you behaved like a jerk to get her attention.

I'd like to believe that most people choose substance over style. But the billions of dollars spent on advertising are there for a reason.

Yes, it's shallow... but have you ever heard a crack so clever that you want to get into an argument so you can repeat it? It's not really worth it, but sometimes it's a really good crack.

Just a big kid at heart; when I eat turkey legs, I like to pretend I'm Fred Flintstone with a big ole brontasaurus leg. Admit it, you know you do it, too.

Thanks a lot, Youtube. Now that anyone can be a celebrity, it's finally cool to be a nobody.

Does it bother anyone that the director of the CIA wasn't better at hiding an affair?

I must have less time on my hands than I thought, because I still haven't learned to dance gangnam style.

Oprah (who doesn't even need a last name anymore) is reportedly launching her own line of organic food and bath products. Something tells me this will be interesting to watch.

I want to open a school to teach people the important lessons that are often overlooked, like not to squeeze toothpaste from the middle, where to keep milk in the refrigerator, and that toilet paper should come out from under the roll. Think I can get funding?

When you know your limits and your motivation, there's room for individuality... even in a group.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 9, 2012

November 9, 2012

Seeing the presidential candidates as they made public appearances on Election Day made me wonder: does anyone change their minds about a candidate based on a last-minute handshake?

Some bright sides are hard to find. For instance: people with small vocabularies may not realize half the times they're insulted.

It's been over a year since I played Farmville. I miss my neighbors. And I miss my two red-haired virtual dogs, Rascal and Rusty. But I don't miss mucking out my virtual stables and milking my virtual cows every day.

He broke her heart. She found the strength to recover and become even stronger. He wants to take credit for that. He has a lot of nerve.

I think I'd rather say something that makes no sense than repeat something that makes no sense. The repeater missed a chance to realize it made no sense the first time he heard it.

In kindergarten, I decided I didn't like the capital cursive G (as in the General Mills logo) because it looks nothing like a G to me. And I've never looked back.

Jermaine Jackson has filed papers to legally change his name to Jermaine Jacksun, reportedly for "artistic reasons." I didn't understand "Metta World Peace" (formerly Ron Artest), but at least it wasn't the worst idea.

Do you know the theme to the TV show Suburgatory? "Last night I had a pleasant nightmare, da-da-da-da da-da-da-da..." Sometimes it gets stuck in my head. The worst part? That's the only part they play!!!

A woman in Kenya is naming her newborn twins Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. I'm not trying to keep track, but that's two more babies I feel sorrier for than I do Honey Boo Boo.

Maybe she's so quiet because of the reaction she gets when she's being vocal.

Agape' -- P

Friday, November 2, 2012

November 2, 2012

Have you noticed that some people will defend your right to have an opinion, but not your right to disagree?

A study has determined that watching horror films aids weight loss; up to 184(!) calories can be burned by an increased metabolic rate and the speed of blood circulation as the pulse quickens. But I don't need a horror film; the fact that money was spent studying something I learned in grammar school science is already pretty scary.

I'm still waiting for scientists to determine what random phenomenon caused the big bang believed to have created such an orderly universe.

82-year-old Gene Hackman slapped a homeless man who called Hackman's wife a terribly vulgar name. Some people are impressed that Hackman defended his wife, some people are surprised that the homeless man is suing Hackman, but I'm just intrigued because I never hear of men slapping each other any more.

Disney has bought the Star Wars franchise from creator George Lucas, and plans to remake the films. I'm not sure I want to see a Disney version of the Princess Leia/Jabba the Hutt scene from Return of the Jedi. Although Disney's ewoks might be kind of cute.

Americans are projected to have spent $8,000,000,000.00 on Halloween this year. Recession reschmession.

My heart goes out to those victimized by Hurricane Sandy. Meanwhile, Sandy is too cute a name for something causing so much damage. What's next, Tropical Storm Skippy?

A Chinese citizen was granted his divorce because his wife had extensive plastic surgery before they married. The tip-off? A DNA test confirming he truly was the bio dad of their 5-month-old "incredibly ugly" baby. I don't want to encourage it, but I think there's a reality show in the making here. There's actually a child I feel sorrier for than Honey Boo Boo.

Octomom Nadya Suleman reportedly went to rehab due to addiction to the anti-anxiety medication Xanyx. Hmmm... 14 kids, 8 of them 3 years old... bankruptcy... public scrutiny... death threats... a career in porn.... do you think she's stressed?

From the people-still-surprise-me-department: while Hurricane Sandy ravaged the East Coast, there was a large number of New Yorkers using the storm to solicit adult encounters, a/k/a "hurricane hookups" via Craigslist. I guess there's nothing like priorities.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 26, 2012

October 26, 2012

Sometimes, I envy turtles.

When I feel bad, I ask myself if I've ever felt worse. If the answer is no, then I ask myself if I could feel worse. So far, the answer has always been yes. That helps a lot.

When I feel good, I never ask myself if I've ever felt better. Yay for me.

A 56-year-old woman who has been working at Arby's for 23 years was recently fired for leaving the store to escape from an armed robber. Her statement? She decided that if she was going to be killed, it wasn't going to be at Arby's. Okay, never mind that after 23 years of service without being promoted to management, she should be rewarded (not fired!) just for coming up with that catchy slogan!

One of Magic Johnson's former employees is suing him for wrongful termination. He says he fired her for tardiness; she says she was fired for refusing to test his Red Vines candy for freshness. I say maybe some reporter should be fired for calling this "news."

A San Antonio, TX woman faked her own kidnapping by having herself bound and left in the back of her car, to avoid a day on her job. Her scheme unraveled when police found a lottery ticket she bought at the time she claimed she was abducted at knifepoint. I have questions about this, like (1) how big was the jackpot that tempted her to risk her alibi? and (2) how bad are things on her job that she'd rather spend a day bound in her car than call in sick and spend the day on the Riverwalk? I've been there, it's beautiful!

Early one morning this week, I watched a movie from my youth. The music, the fashion, the attitudes all had me going back and forth between feelings of nostalgia and "what on earth were we thinking?"

At the end of the day, it really is all about the truth.

The words may have similar roots, but experience is not what makes a person an expert.

Sometimes I wonder which is sadder: the state of this world, or the refusal of most people to reach for something better.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 19, 2012

October 19, 2012

The only value in determining where you got lost is making sure you don't get lost again. It's hard to reach your destination walking backward.

I wonder if we could eliminate a lot of reality television if someone would just produce a show about actual train wrecks.

A judge has ruled that the producers of The Bachelor cannot be forced to select a man of color to star in the competition. As a single, black man, I am so relieved!

A 94-ear-old man from India holds the world record as the world's oldest new parent. Which is more surprising, that the child's birth was planned, or that he says he's looking forward to another one?

The fascination with celebrities is so out of hand! There's nothing wrong with buying the same grooming products as a celeb, if you want to look like them, but being a performer does not qualify them to suggest how I live, how I think, or who I want as a ruler.

Do you think the feverish celeb worship is the reason some of them think they're qualified to address any and all matters? Do they believe there are judges losing sleep about changing legislature to accommodate stars who are postponing getting married? Are dictators in countries around the world worried about a visit from an American movie star?

Just when you think you've heard everything, along comes a news item about Terri Graham, the 44-year-old mother of two who nurses her dog(!) to feel maternal. And would you believe she isn't the first?

I must be slipping; how did I miss national pasta day on October 17?

I don't gamble, but the story about the Massachusetts guy who won $30 mil just after his girlfriend dumped him did make me laugh. What a difference a day makes.

Reality... a good place to visit, but not enough people want to live there.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 12, 2012

October 12, 2012

If you're not happy there, or it's not a healthy place to be, can you really call it a comfort zone?

If intolerance is the same as hate (and a lot of people think it is), then tolerance must be the same as love; which means I love twice the number of people I thought I loved.

According to the news, a man who had gender reassignment surgery 23 years ago is upset because his doctors will not comply with his request for another surgery to undo his reassignment; after 23 years, he says he realizes he really wasn't a woman in a man's body. I could go into a wordy moral about not tampering with biology, but the point can basically be summed up with the familiar phrase: you break it, you bought it.

Is it just me, or are there even more reality TV shows following the lives of people I neither know nor care about?

Wasington Redskins reserve player Adam Carriker followed through on his promise to be photographed in pro wrestling gear (we're talking man panties) after losing a bet with retired wrestler Bill Goldberg. Are you paying attention, Green Bay Packer Aaron Rodgers?

Why do people complain that Paula Deen's southern accent seems thicker as time goes on, but no one complains about the same thing happening with Sofia Vergara's Latino accent? Could it be because when we look at Sofia Vergara, the last thing we're paying attention to is whatever it is she's saying?

Vanity should not come ahead of functionality; there's nothing impressive about not being as independent as possible.

Before complaining about what someone has done to you, it would help to remember if the person is still alive to say they're sorry.

Nothing cures feeling like a teenager better than talking to a teenager. Maybe we should thank them for helping us remember who we are.

It's amazing, the amount of money, time, and effort spent on correcting the ugly on the outside, but not the inside.

Agape' -- P

Friday, October 5, 2012

October 5, 2012

Doing the right thing is no reason to brag; but it's also no reason to feel shame.

A new study suggests that women speak less when in the company of men. I wonder who would finance such a study. Hmmmm...

Born to Hollywood legends, starring in several successful films, Jamie Lee Curtis' Activia commercials have finally made her a household name. The woman owes her fame to regularity. After all, some people don't go to movies, but everybody... you know.

A Texas woman has filed a lawsuit against Walmart after a 2010 incident when a store clerk ripped up the $100 bill she was using to pay for her purchases, then a store manager ripped up a second $100 bill minutes later. Both store employees accused her of counterfeiting, but were proven wrong when the pieces of money were later verified. I couldn't decide who made the bigger mistake, the clerk, the manager, or the woman who produced a second $100 bill after the first was destroyed. However, if a judge grants the woman the $70,000+ she's suing for when she's only out $200... that would be the biggest mistake.

The expression "be there with bells on" dates back to the pre-automobile days, when people would hang bells on their horse-drawn carriages before travelling to special events. I used to wonder where people would wear their bells.

It's called wallowing because it requires no effort and gets you nowhere.

Disney has announced that beer and wine will soon be sold during dinner in the Magic Kingdom for the first time in 41 years. Some commentors are saying this will finally make Disneyworld the happiest place on earth.

It's ironic, but too much comfort food makes you anything but comfortable.

Often, I'm appalled by the amount of money spent researching things like whether humans are related to butterflies. Then, someone invents gel cushions to make sitting comfortable, and my faith in technology is restored.

How is entertainment supposed to provide an escape when producers are clamoring to reflect the world's misery?

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 28, 2012

September 28, 2012

Why do people often confuse the words typical and normal? I define what's normal for me, not the majority of people.

When you expect the worst from others, that's often what you get. The same holds true when you expect the best.

The NFL commissioner admitted in a recent interview that settling contract disputes with the referees was pushed forward by the now famous blown call made by an interim ref in last week's Seahawks/Packers game. Incompetence is such an interesting negotiator.

Despite multiple protestations to the contrary by the National Pork Council, there are predictions that there will be a worldwide shortage of bacon next year. While I'm alarmed about the possibility of no more bacon, I'm so fascinated that there is actually a National Pork Council.

Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart have reportedly reconciled. My take on this news is: who cares? Haven't you heard? We're running out of bacon!

One of my pet peeves is computer software that is automatically installed to replace the software I've chosen. Just because I'm using a computer, don't assume I don't know what browser or search engine I want to use. If you really want me to appreciate your product, don't try to force me to use it.

In his recently published memoir. Total Recall, former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger states that his extra-marital affair with his housekeeper, and the concealment of their child, was "politically acceptable" because his campaign platform was not family values. What a powerful example of justifying bad behavior.

Actress Elizabeth Hurley has come under fire for designing a line of bikini swimwear for prepubescent girls. Recently, there was a news itemabout a school that teaches pole dancing for children. I don't think Honey Boo Boo is the only child we have to worry about.

A report was recently released predicting that half the world's population will be obese within the next 20 years. I have to find a better way to be ahead of my time.

It's pitiful to be so inaecure that you have to use others to elevate yourself. But when you lie to do it, it goes from pitiful to just plain wrong.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 21, 2012

September 21, 2012

It feels great to be loved. It feels great to be appreciated. To be both is amazing.

I'm all for giving quality food to dogs, but it's hard to remain enthused knowing they don't mind drinking out of toilets. Speaking of which, do you think dogs resent us when they see what we do in their big porcelain water dishes?

The commercial that made me laugh out loud this week is the Jetta commercial where the guy has to carry his bulldog around all day because the dog swallowed his keys. Love it!

I'm getting over a miserable cold this week, and it made me realize I haven't had a cold in years. So I really won't complain about it.

Last year, I watched a TV segment where celebrity chef Jamie Oliver ground, breaded, and fried chicken fat, skin, and bones to show a group of children how easy it is to make chicken nuggets out of them. To his dismay (and my horror), the kids still wanted to eat them! Meanwhile, I can't look at a chicken nugget without wondering. Thanks a lot, Jamie.

At, you can buy a custom made chair with a picture of a celebrity printed on the seat for the price of $950. I've said it before, I'll say it again: some things are so stupid, I don't need to write a joke about it.

Father/daughter dances and mother/son baseball games have been banned in the Cranston, Rhode Island school district because they are in violation of the state's laws against gender discrimination. Perhaps they'd be okay with father/son dances and mother/daughter baseball games?

While I appreciate the value of a good impression, I think a lot of fundamental qualities of individuals are overlooked when people make immediate assumptions about each other.

If I find an actor particularly excellent in one role and totally repulsive in another, does that mean he's a gifted actor?

Survival is something to be thankful for. But it's unhealthy to make hardship your identity.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 14, 2012

September 14, 2012

Being miserable may not be a choice, but staying miserable is.

Jessica Simpson has been criticized this week for her new commercial for Weight Watchers, which does not reveal her alleged progress as a member trying to lose her post-pregnancy weight. But let's face it, everybody loses weight at different rates. They can't all be Jennifer Hudsons, some are Kirstie Alleys.

A Canadian school offering $70/hour pole dancing classes to children answers its critics with the claim that teaching children to climb a stripper pole is no more sexual than teaching them to climb trees. However, I never hear of guys spending their paychecks watching women climb trees.

A Canadian news report this week announced the theft of $30,000,000 worth of maple syrup in Quebec. There have been no leads in the case, but I suggest the police stake out pancake and waffle houses.

These two fascinating stories from Canada does remind me that Canada has legalized marijuana. I'm not saying there's a connection... it may be just a wild coincidence, man.

Everyone has baggage... it's called baggage because it will weigh you down if you don't let go of it.

Okay, the Green Bay Packers defeated the Chicago Bears 23-10 last night. But Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers wussed on his promise to wear a 49ers jersey after losing a bet to Boys II Men last week. So we have a moral victory, right? No, losing still bites.

New York authorities have passed a ban on serving soft drinks in sizes greater than 16 ounces in restaurants and movie theaters. While the proposed motive is to reduce the health risk of too much refined sugar, I can't help wondering when personal responsibility became such a menace.

The meaning of the term celebrity hasn't changed, but the caliber of who the public choose to celebrate sure has. Case in point: the judges of the TV competition show X Factor were recently honored by having their handprints and footprints preserved in cement in front of Grauman's Chinese theater, alongside true Hollywood legends. So, there's Elizabeth Taylor, Sydney Poitier, and then... Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. There's something very wrong there.

Speaking of the absurd obsession with celebrities, I think what Brett Cohen did was brilliant; a virtual unknown, he had friends film him walking around New York surrounded by an entourage of more friends, and generated so much buzz among onlookers that he has himself become a celebrity. You know how I love irony.

Agape' -- P

Friday, September 7, 2012

September 7, 2012

A pair of stained underwear that belonged to Elvis is scheduled for an auction this month. The briefs, which have never been washed, are expected to sell for at least $15,000. After all, he was the king.

The latest episode of the TV crime drama Perception reminded me that sometimes reality hits your dreams and goals pretty hard, and you have to find a new dream and a new goal instead of wallowing in misery. Our ability to change direction like that is more testimony to how well we are designed.

I appreciate that the Perdue Chicken company assures us that their product is of the highest quality, but I don't care to see those healthy chickens walking around in their TV ads, since I know they're about to be slaughtered and plucked for my consumption. One solution would be not to eat chicken... but changing the channel is easier.

A former Ohio corrections officer was arrested after throwing two footballs filled with marijuana and other contraband over a prison wall to two inmates. What's puzzling is that, according to prison officials, this happens more often than you might think.

I received a visit this week from a childhood connection whom I haven't seen in years. What's wonderful is that we could reconnect as adults and not regress to behaving like children.

While reporting on the tragic death of actor Michael Clarke Duncan, one news broadcast mistakenly accompanied the news copy with film footage of recording artist Seal. I'm not suggesting they had trouble distinguishing between the two men, but the faux pas would be easier to overlook had it been footage of Barry Manilow.

There are so many questions unanswered in the universe: how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? What are the Kardashians doing in the entertainment industry? And why does the Acme Manufacturing company keep extending Wile E. Coyote's credit?

There are a lot of brilliant, beautiful, well-mannered women out there. But it's the wild, screaming banshees generating all the money on reality TV.

Here's an example of how warped things are: one of the most successful infomercial products is called Insanity.

Three women were arrested for assaulting a Red Lobster waitress. Their complaint was that the server was refilling their water glasses too often. I just don't get that; it isn't as if she'd stop bringing thoae Cheddar Bay biscuits.

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 31, 2012

August 31, 2012

You never hear anyone say, "If loving you is wrong... get outta my house."

Been experimenting in the kitchen again. A terrific friend gifted me with some kale, and between the kale slaw, kale pesto, and my low-carb version of zuppa toscana (sausage and kale soup), at least I'm eating healthier some of the time.

I also tried grilling a watermelon slice, like I saw a TV chef do. Just like I'd seen, it remained solid, turned a deep, rosy pink, and brought out its sweetness. But it tasted like... hot watermelon. Check, please.

It may not be time for resolution, but the time is always right for endurance and strength; that's what we should be praying for.

Isn't it ironic that being the better person means not being proud of being the better person?

A hapless romantic living in southern China tried to surprise his girlfriend by having himself mailed to her in a sealed box with no air holes. Although she lived only 30 minutes away, the package was detained in transit for three hours. When the girlfriend opened the package, she found her unconscious beau, who was fortunately revived by paramedics just in time. Surprise!

Talk about false advertising! Whenever you hear that some attraction is "only 20 minutes (or less) from Chicago," don't forget that they're excluding the hour or so it may take to get across town.

If I have to acquire a taste for some food, it better be a nutritious payoff.

Dishonesty, disobedience, greed, slander... all considered minor offenses by the world's standards, but consider the Genesis account and how things ended up.

Is it my imagination, or are there fewer big belly laughs these days? And if laughter really is the best medicine, isn't that a real health crisis?

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 24, 2012

August 24, 2012

It's sad when people suggest that God is too busy with the current world situation to care about us as individuals, implying that He has limited capability. It's so sad because it's so wrong.

There's a world of difference between being hated and not being loved. But when it comes from someone you love, it feels like a very small world of difference.

You don't fail when you don't succeed. You fail when you stop trying.

Why is it that whenever I commit a faux pas, like the wrong word at the wrong time, that my memories of all my past whoopsies come flooding to mind?

I thought time was only supposed to fly when you're having fun... not fair.

Don't underestimate the value of good dialogue. How many quotes can you repeat from movies you've never seen?

I hear people saying, "If I ruled the world, there'd be stronger consequences for wrongdoers." Instead of fantasizing, how about looking forward to a world without wrongdoers?

It amuses me that people are three-dimensional while expecting people to be two-dimensional.

I'm not criticizing; far be it from me to suggest anyone is wrong making an honest living for giving people what they want, but has anyone noticed that a lot of successful actors seem to just be portraying themselves carrying a script?

I have nothing against people who imbibe responsibly; personally, experience has taught me that the last thing I need is numbed inhibitions.

Agape' -- P

Friday, August 17, 2012

August 17, 2012

One of the best things that happens to me is learning lessons of great value at little cost.

Chaos begins when you try to control everything; it's much better to prepare yourself for the "whoopsies" than to try and avoid them.

I understand why people spin language to make things sound better, but it's going too far when a kid complains to his parents that he doesn't have a "bonus mom" like all his friends.

Almost a week after his DUI arrest following crashing his car and being found naked in a field, media reported that country recording artist Randy Travis left a convenience store without the cigarettes he demanded after the clerk would not sell them to him because the naked Travis had no way to pay for them. So, apparently, a naked Randy Travis in a convenience store was neither newsworthy or illegal. No wonder he got drunk.

A record-breaking, 17 ft., 7 in., 164 pound python carrying 87 embryos was recently captured in the Florida everglades, then studied, euthanized, and dissected. I wish I hadn't seen the pictures, as I may never again be able to watch a party sub be assembled.

Admittedly, I don't regularly eat sushi, but I have a hard time believing anybody gets full eating it.

Extreme ultra Orthodox Jewish men in Israel have the option of purchasing "modesty glasses" that blur the vision for anything past a few meters ahead, for the purpose of not seeing any woman who might be immodestly dressed. Just another step in the crusade to avoid learning self control, I guess.

I totally respect vegetarians and vegans, but I'm still thankful that chickens have wings; even if they can't fly, they do serve a purpose doused in hot sauce and plated alongside carrots, celery sticks, and with blue cheese dipping sauce.

The kingdom of Saudi Arabia has plans to construct a town for women only, allowing women to have careers without violating their culture of women being limited to taking care of husbands and children. It's ironic that a nation that truly treats its women as second class citizens is allowing women to prove their worth independent of men.

Pretty is as pretty does... internal ugliness is a waste of skin.

Agape' - P

Friday, August 10, 2012

August 10, 2012

Anybody can be themselves. Being who you're supposed to be is better.

I find it totally hilarious that Stephanie Pratt's boyfriend, who is such an unknown that he's referred to in the news as "Stephanie Pratt's boyfriend", thinks he's such a celebrity that he defies a police officer who's writing him a ticket, and gets arrested for driving over the officer's foot! I also find it totally ironic, because, if not for this story, I couldn't care less who this guy is. I don't even care who Stephanie Pratt is.

Whenever I hear some "expert" shelling out common sense advice, I'm annoyed for a moment. Then I remember the number of people who have to be reminded not to text and drive, and I realize that common sense isn't as common as it used to be.

Say what you will about Joan Rivers' publicity stunt (selling copies of her book on the street outside Costco, who won't sell it), the savvy comedienne got a lot of free publicity, and managed to sell 100 books. And I must agree with her sentiment: people who buy cases of toilet paper are going to need something to read.

Footloose, Total Recall, Sparkle... I still say I'm too young for movies made in my lifetime to be remade. Sunrise, sunset...

Owners of unreliable GPS systems, don't despair; did you know that it isn't uncommon for planes to land at the wrong airport?

I get a real kick out of reruns of the Batman TV series from the '60s... I think it's because, when I was a kid, I had no idea how funny it was.

It's odd that actors get most of the credit for a good production, when it's really a synergy between actors, writers, directors, etc. For every Cosby, there's a Leonard, part 6.

While I'm very impressed that LifeAlert's statistics show they save a life every 11 minutes, it's disturbing to realize there's a life in danger every 11 minutes.

One of the most fascinating things about the human psyche is its ability to fool itself.

Agape' - P

Friday, August 3, 2012

August 3, 2012

Why do people confuse love with approval? God does love all of us, but that doesn't mean He approves of everything we do. I would think, at the very least, parents would understand the difference.

It's very insulting to label people who disagree with you ignorant or unenlightened. Does it really take a great deal of thought to jump on a bandwagon?

I'd really like to believe that Lifetime TV's upcoming "social experiment", The Week the Women Left, during which the wives and mothers of a small town spend a week away from their husbands and children, will depict how much we need and rely on each other, instead of a one-sided look at how helpless and inept men can be. I'd also like to believe that I could lose weight with a steady diet of beer and jalapeno poppers.

It was in the news this week: Oprah has a new hairstyle. That is all. And you were there.

This is the first I've heard of this pranking trend called "swatting", which is turning in false 911 calls to lure a police SWAT team to your victim's house. This is so terribly dangerous; an innocent person could be hurt by a SWAT squad member keyed up on adrenalin, and what if someone you love is deprived of emergency attention because the needed resources are tied up on a prank call? Why don't they go back to planking?

Seymour Butts, Ivana Tinkle, Hugh Jazz... you know these poor people have the hardest time being paged.

I know it's a double standard: as a black, middle-aged man, I'd rather not be referred to as a boy. But as a black man raised by Southern parents, I might call a female friend girl (as in, "you got it, girl"). Meanwhile, some of my black female friends don't want to be called woman (as in "look, woman"). It can be confusing, if you focus on words instead of the intent behind the word.

You know, the first marriage was performed long before there was government, laws, and judges.

Some of the songs from the '70s make catchy ad music, but nobody's fooled when they change the lyrics. We know it's not "Do a little dance… have a little fun… get down tonight."

Where you were only shows the path you took to get where you are. Where you're headed is far more interesting.

Agape'-- P

Friday, July 27, 2012

July 27, 2012

Seeing the glass as half full beats seeing it as half empty. The challenge is in keeping it half full.

I admit, I can understand where controversial, inappropriate humor comes from; there's a sincere tendency to use humor to handle discomfort. Unfortunately, this gets morphed by comedian's need to be competitive to survive, and the fickleness of fans attracted by edginess. Sometimes I think we're too amateurish to handle this world.

They thought they had to put on a facade to impress their friends, when actually, they were the only ones who didn't like the real them. It's both ironic and sad.

The NCAA's ruling about the Paterno scandal at Penn State included not only a $60,000,000 fine, but also a four-year ban on participating in bowl games, a reduction in scholarships, and vacating 111 of their victories. But isn't that punishing the students instead?

With the public fighting, custody skirmishes, and feuds over money, the Jackson family seems to be falling apart since the death of Michael Jackson. Who would've thought that he was the glue holding things together?

Those who refuse to listen to direction end up going nowhere. It sounds pretty basic, but you'd be surprised at the number of us who don't know this.

I think I'm more concerned about the quality of the products I buy than the politics of the business owner. After all, how do I know that the guy who sells me gas isn't a member of the KKK? And if I find out, couldn't I make a more effective statement by taking my money elsewhere?

Sherman Hemsley, star of The Jeffersons, died this week. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart broke up after she was caught kissing another man. Guess which story got the bigger headline.

The increaae in auto accidents caused by distracted driving is alarming, but does the plan to post billboards along the highway to warn drivers not to be distracted sound like the way to go?

Is it just me, or does the older gentleman in the Ocean Spray commercials remind anyone else of the older gentleman in the old Bartles & Jaymes commercials?

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 20, 2012

July 20, 2012

Congratulations to my cousin Cassandra Smiley Dority and her man, my new cousin Emerson Dority, on their marriage this past Saturday!

I have to admit, I'm a wee bit amused at the sudden uproar people are having about the increased teenage interest in the controversial book 50 Shades of Grey. The same people who have been discussing and indirectly promoting this book all over the media are actually surprised that kids are curious?

There has been controversy about the villainous character Bane in the upcoming Batman movie, suggesting it's a subliminal assignation of Bain Capital, a firm co-founded by one of the presidential candidates. Nevermind that the villain Bane has been a comic book character long before this campaign began, but Bane even appeared in the film Batman and Robin, 15 years ago. My basic fundamentals already keep me uninvolved in politics, but this is stupid.

It may sound like a fortune cookie, but it's good advice: beware people who won't answer a yes/no question with either yes or no.

A common trait among obviously condescending people? Fat lips. Think about it.

A man was arrested at a Georgia Walmart after he convinced a young woman to let him suck her toe in exchange for paying for her merchandise. His victim agreed because he told her he was recording the act for America's Funniest Videos. Around this time last year, Arkansas police were looking for a man who'd approach women posing as a podiatrist, and asking to suck their toes. At least the guy in Georgia had a more believeable approach, right?

Remember that extremely annoying guy who dressed up as an old man and got on everybody's nerves dancing like a goof in those excruciatingly creepy commercials for Six Flags? I miss him.

They forgave her for pretending to be someone she wasn't when she started being the person they thought she was.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woollen mitens... I got none of that. But I got pudding! It's all good.

I have discovered that, because of my hatred of being lied to, and my love of seeing my name in print, the only things keeping me from a career in journalism are energy and a degree.

Agape' -- P

Friday, July 13, 2012

July 13, 2012

Everybody knows shame, but only a few of us are really friends with it.

Okay, over the years, I have craved a lot of foods: cuban sandwiches, chocolate nachos, and currently, jalapeno poppers. I never crave eggplant, cauliflower, or three bean salad. What's up with that?

Attention, those of you demonstrating kitchen products on the shopping channels: some of us don't have dishwashers, so stop using dishwasher safe as a selling point, because it just ticks us off.

Morgan Freeman's getting flack from a number of people for announcing that President Obama is of mixed race. Was that news to anybody? At this point, who isn't?

Am I getting cynical in my old age, or is it disturbing that, in a recent ad for a national chain restaurant promoting its multiple varieties of boneless wings, not once did I hear the word chicken?

What is it about Katie Holmes? Tom Cruise was a scientologist when he divorced Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman, and nobody cared. John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Issac Hayes have all been linked to Scientology, and nobody cared.

So, really, how many people who had mullets really did conduct "business in the front" and "party in the back"?

Why do people scratch their heads when they're trying to concentrate? Are people who shampoo and condition more often better focused?

I like to think the purpose behind trending is to keep us informed of current events; however, you just know there are people out there using it to decide what they should talk about.

How sad is it that there are people who can't fathom the ability to choose happiness over misery?

Friday, July 6, 2012

July 6, 2012

If you really don't remember if you just prayed, pray, pray again. Too much is never enough.

I recently asked a woman what was her favorite cuisine. She proceeded to tell me how much she paid for her shoes. I repeated my original question. I'm really trying to understand how I was being rude.

I don't want to live like a turtle. I don't hate turtles. It's not my place to judge turtles, or anyone who's turtle-friendly. But by not embracing turtles, some turtles have labelled me intolerant or turtle-phobic. How ridiculous is that?

I get that Katy Perry and Justin Beiber have produced autobiographical films to strike while the irons are hot, but isn't it rather early in their respective careers?

Yes, you can love someone you don't know. For example, I never met the person who invented the Slurpee.

I really think it's eerie, ironic, and a little cruel that there isn't a simpler word for illiterate.

I just watched someone play beer pong. I'd never seen the game played before, and I'm wondering if it isn't a ripoff of Bozo's Circus' Grand Prize Game.

Question about the bro-hug: is it a gesture of genuine affection, or the cop-out move of the genderly insecure?

Olympian Michael Johnson's statement that AfricanAmericans are genetically superior athletes because of slavery is supported by the same scientific authority that says the intricate, complex universe formed out of a random explosion in space. By the way, none of them ever watched me in high school phys ed; they might have reconsidered.

The death of Andy Griffith this week will mean I'm one person (Ron Howard) away from the same eerie feelihg when I watch reruns of the Andy Griffith Show that I get from I Love Lucy reruns.

Agape'-- P

Friday, June 29, 2012

June 29, 2012

Chicago is in the middle of a heat wave; I am sorry for the handful of people I have personally encountered who, from their behavior, are apparently the only ones affected.

I just heard Sharon Osbourne wonder aloud why some women think that uprooting their lives and relocating is the cure for a broken heart. I know why! Because it worked for Mary Richards.

Diet math: a product labelled 50% fat free means you can have twice as much. Why does that sound so logical?

I wouldn't have to lose weight if someone would invent something that will double my height. Science has really let me down.

I just realized that I've had a "work wife" on every job I've ever had. Didn't know I was a playa, did you? Recognize.

A gun range in Texas has a promotion offering birthday parties for children over 7 years of age, complete with classes to teach the handling and use of bb guns and rifles. Remember the days when you could use the TV to babysit your kids?

If you're going to sound hip, try checking before you speak. I just heard a woman react to a surprise by saying, "Close the front door!"

Some are criticizing a proposed New York City law to discourage cab drivers from taking prostitutes as fares, because profiling is discriminatory. The response from black men: "So?"

I'm still unclear on why this bothers me so. but I watched TMZ's coverage of the lackluster on-air goodbye given by Ann Curry's Today show co-workers. There was no tribute, no film retrospective, and the only tears shed were her own. There were brief comments about a handful of the groundbreaking stories she has covered in the past 15 years. I so wanted to hear her ask, "So, then, why are you all replacing me?"

A mockingbird that won't sing, a diamond ring that turns brass, a broken looking glass, a billy goat that won't pull, a cart and bull that keeps falling down... does anyone have a worse track record of buying gifts than the father in Hush Little Baby? I think the baby would still be the sweetest thing in town without all that worthless crap.

Agape'-- P

Friday, June 22, 2012

June 22, 2012

Thinking before you speak is truly an act of love. The wrong word from a loved one can do more damage than a fist from an enemy.

Don't tell me it hurts you more than it hurts me unless you can prove it.

Spite is not the ideal motivator, but it's pretty effective in a pinch.

Sometimes you suffer through pain so you have cred to help someone else with the same pain.

I'm sorry if I get too familiar with the people at the resorts, hotels, and cruise lines who are just trying to do their jobs. I blame the Love Boat; they're the ones who taught us we'd be making lifelong pen pals out of Issac, Gopher, and Julie McCoy.

Finding out you didn't see the squirrel before you ran it over doesn't help the squirrel now, does it?

While parents have the primary responsibility for their children's behavior, they aren't the only influence. How many of us caved to peer pressure or mob mentality, and at least momentarily made choices we "weren't raised that way"?

I find it ironic that Charlie Sheen is starring in Anger Management, while Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin need it.

A San Antonio, Texas schoolteacher was fired for encouraging a slap attack from her class of 6-year-olds onto the class bully. Meanwhile, over $400,000 was raised for a Rochester, New York middle school bus monitor after a video of students cruelly bullying her (to the point of tears!) went viral. My childhood seems so far away.

I feel bad for Ann Curry, the Today show co-host who's allegedly being blamed (and fired!) for the show's recent drop in ratings, falling behind Good Morning, America. And that really surprises me, since I never watch either show.

Agape' -- P