May 10, 2013

Someone just said to me that people are too busy these days to be courteous. That'a so sad.

A 105-year-old woman credits her longevity to eating bacon. Does anyone know if she's single? Because we might be able to make this work.

Have you seen those TV commercials for Swiffer where the old broom, mop, and feather duster find love with the old, broken down items in the attic or the garage, while the Isley Brothers' "Who's That Lady?" plays in the background? Finally, something creepier than that talking E-trade baby.

Professional cuddlers Jackie Samuels and Kitty Mansfield charge between $300 and $500 per day to spend the night cuddling with their clients. By definition, this is not prostitution, as cuddling is all they promise to do. Meanwhile, lifesize teddy bears range in price between $80 and $200. Look for bargains, people!

You learn a lot from nursery rhymes: Itsy Bitsy Spider teaches us about resilience and perseverance; Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star reminds us of the vast, unexplored universe around us, and Rock-a-bye Baby warns us against suspending cradles in tall trees.

Honey Boo Boo's mother, Mama June, married her boyfriend Sugar Bear, in a backyard ceremony, recorded for the family's reality show. The bride's colors were orange and camouflage, while the guests were asked to wear "redneck attire". I suspect they waited until after Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's DisneyLand vow repeat last week so that their ideas wouldn't be stolen. Meanwhile, I hope this doesn't mean Sugar Bear (a/k/a Mr. Mama Boo Boo) will give up his career promoting Post Golden Crisp cereal.

Two incredible stories of survival were in the news this week: three women, who'd all been kidnapped and held captive in a Cleveland home for the past 10 years, were rescued; a river guide was swallowed whole by a two-ton hippo in Africa, then regurgitated alive by the animal. This kind of survival says a lot about perspective, doesn't it?

Not only did Charles Ramsey, the neighbor who helped the three Cleveland captives, give a hilarious interview (the words "dead giveaway" will have me laughing for days), but he promptly insisted that any promised reward money, reportedly numbering into the thousands, be given to the three victims, because he already has a job. And the restaurant where he works is selling "Cleveland's Hero" tee-shirts with Ramsey's face on them, to raise even more money for the victims. Now that's class.

By the way, because Charles Ramsey mentioned that the rescue of the Cleveland captives interrupted his McDonald's takeout meal, representatives of the fast food chain tweeted him a promise that "they'd be in touch". Maybe he could do for McD's what Jared did for Subway? Land of opportunity, people.

Here's a sobering thought: one of the men charged with kidnapping and imprisoning the three women in Cleveland is a school bus driver. You don't have to be a parent to find that scary.

Agape' -- P