My snack budget was low last week, and I couldn't decide between Cracker Jack, Fiddle Faddle, and Crunch 'n' Munch. The last time I had a headache like this was the Twizzler/Red Vines conundrum of 2010.
Look, Jaden Smith, you're not the first 15-year-old to think that school is dumb. But you're the first I've ever heard say that newborn babies would be the most intelligent beings on the planet if they could only talk. Mmmm... maybe it's not the school that's dumb.
It's official: the engagement between rising movie heartthrob Liam Helmsworth and marathon-twerking, teddy bear grinding, foam finger molesting, sledgehammer sucking, nude wrecking ball riding Miley Cyrus is officially over. Go figure.
While I'm as disturbed as the next person that Gwyneth Paltrow was awarded a motorcycle license days after a video went viral of her cutting off a school bus while riding a Vespa with her child on the seat behind her (almost giving new meaning to the term "road Apple"), what I found most shocking was that, in Hollywood, you're allowed to retake your license picture if you want. This is an outrage!
The British town of Northampton is currently being freaked out by repeated sightings of a man standing around dressed as a clown. See? That's what I like bringing to you: stories about people with real problems.
It would not surprise me one bit to find out that every male courtroom judge and TV news anchor has at least once tried, or at least fantasized about, spending a day doing their job without any pants.
A Chicago woman is suing Epic restaurant for $50,000 after one of her breast implants deflated during the night, allegedly because of a hug from the restaurant's doorman, a former college football lineman who weighs about 300 pounds. I don't buy it; a real man would've gotten both sides.
There should be a law against promoting your restaurant's great delivery service in areas where you refuse to deliver. Are you listening, Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's, and Jimmy John's?
Did you know that September 19 was International Talk Like A Pirate Day? I don't think a lot of people remembered, because nobody talked like a pirate to me.
New York City's plan to replace their taxis with Nissan's "Taxi of Tomorrow" has brought up a lot of questions: will the roomier, more comfortable vehicles cause a hike in fares? Since the vehicle is technically a van, will accommodations for the disabled be mandatory? But I have yet to hear the obvious question: will people of color be able to ride them?
Agape' -- P
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