Friday, March 15, 2013

March 15, 2013

I have got to start marking my calendar: March 14 is both National Potato Chip Day, and National Pi Day, and for the last 10 years in a row, I've missed both!

KTLA weatherman Henry Di Carlo fell for one of the oldest pranks in the book when he gave a 10th birthday shoutout to Hugh Janus on live TV this week. The classics never go out of style.

Daylight Savings Time, which began this week, is supposed to give us more daylight in the evenings, and less in the mornings. This all leads to the question: who decided that's what's best for everybody?

Feel sorry for Justin Beiber; not only is he 19, with more money than he knows how to spend, millions of devoted fans, and a newfound thug persona that he just can't pull off convincingly, he still looks like milk and cookies would solve all his problems.

A new study released this week found that female chimpanzees are aggressive. Who's paying for these earth-shattering discoveries?

A judge overturned the proposed New York ban on restaurants selling sodas greater than 16 ounces. The ban was proposed to lower the number of obesity-related deaths. I guess obese New Yorkers can stop looking for other ways to get those calories now.

People from all over the world are totally captivated by YouTube sensation Grumpy Cat. This 11-month-old cat, whose natural expression just looks like she's angry, was the biggest draw at the South by Southwest Interactive festival last week, where people stood in line for hours just to take a picture with her. She has a website, a Facebook page, and accounts on Twitter and Tumbler, plus a commercial deal with a cat food company. Does this strike anyone as normal? And, no, I'm not jealous because she has 59,000,000 Twitter followers, and I have about 10.

I truly empathize with women regarding the pain of childbirth. I have seen the size of newborn babies, and I have seen where they come from. So, yes, I get that the amount of pain is incredible. You can stop telling me now.

Three elite commando dolphins trained in knife combat and the use of explosives went AWOL during training exercises in the Ukraine. This is an actual news story, and not a premise for the next Disney film.

The first Jesuit pope in history was elected this week. Already, a list of challenges facing the new leader of the Catholic church has been compiled, including the scandals regarding abuse, cooperation with Eastern religious dogma, and reforming church doctrine to suit liberal parishioners. No word yet on consulting actual scriptures for guidance.

Agape' -- P

Friday, March 8, 2013

March 8, 2013

Give me my props! I predicted right after the Super Bowl that Jacoby Jones would soon be appearing on Dancing With the Stars. However, only time will tell if my second prediction (that he won't be on there for long) was right.

Are they really your friends if you can't be yourself when you're with them? Or could it be that you don't like the person you are, either?

I love a positive perspective: the beauty of being in my generation is that I'm old enough to appreciate phonographs and vinyl and typewriters, but young enough to understand streaming audio and video and tablet computers.

A TV Guide journalist reporting on an altercation Chris Brown had with a parking valet (over $5!) began her story with the words "Don't get on Chris Brown's bad side." My question: where has she been?

I certainly don't want to add fuel to the belief in the power of Oprah, but after praising her voluptuousness in an interview last week, has anyone seen Terrence Howard? Anywhere? Call somebody, T; let us know you're okay.

The Hawaii Senate has passed an anti-paparazzi bill referred to as the Steven Tyler Act. Unlike the anti-paparazzi laws in California, which prohibits the endangerment of other people by paparazzi, the Hawaii bill is designed to prevent paparazzi photos that the subject considers embarrassing. This came after photos of a speedo-wearing Steven Tyler were published, and, according to him, caused family trauma. I know they made a number of people ill.

Okay, I'm only going to admit this once: I've been making fun of the recent aging boy bands trend (including the upcoming Backstreet Boys/New Edition/98 Degrees tour), but ever since Mark Wahlberg hinted that there may be a reunion of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, I haven't been able to get the song Good Vibrations out of my head. However, in retrospect, what made that song great was the music and the vocals of the late Loleatta Hathaway.

Entertainers like the rapper Drake, who threw $50,000 into the air at a North Carolina strip club, can reportedly write it off their taxes as an "Advertising or Publicity" expense. Ah, what people do for the economy.

Another consequence of tampering with creation: transgender extreme fighter Fallon Fox may not be able to fulfill her dream of becoming a UFC fighter because she wants to fight women, but has only been a woman for 6 years, following gender reassignment (how arrogant is that term at the age of 30.

There is tragedy in every terminal illness diagnosis, but the announcement of Valerie Rhoda Harper's brain cancer is hitting especially hard,especially after the death of Bonnie One Day at a Time Franklin's death from pancreatic cancer last week. So looking forward to the day prophesied at Isaiah 33:24: "No resident will say, 'I am sick.'"

Agape' - P

Friday, March 1, 2013

March 1, 2013

March 1: Black History month is over. But I'm just not ready to be disrespected, mistreated or forgotten for another eleven months.

I was listening to a story about famous DJ Afrojack totaling a $240,000 Ferrari one hour after purchasing it when I realized that the number of us who remember when the most famous DJ's were on the radio is dwindling. That made me sad.

Rihanna filed a restraining order against an obsessed fan who mistakenly broke into her neighbor's house instead of hers. Although a lot of people are disappointed that the restraining order was not against her boyfriend Chris Brown, isn't it gratifying to learn that she knows how to file a restraining order? At least, when she wants to.

Celebrity financial whiz Suze Orman was talking about Rob Kardashian's recent weight gain when she noted that people tend to lose money when they put on the pounds. Certainly explains a lot in my life.

The world's oldest marathon runner, 101-year-old British-based Indian runner Fauja Singh, has been excluded from the Guinness Book of World Records because he cannot produce a birth certificate. Now does everyone see the value in documentation?

The company behind the Girls Gone Wild video empire filed for bankruptcy this week. Before everybody in favor of family entertainment starts their happy dance, may I remind you that General Motors once filed for bankruptcy, too.

I have advice for R&B bad boy Bobby Brown (that makes a good tongue twister, huh?), who was recently sentenced to 55 days in jail and 4 years probation after a third DUI arrest: hire Lindsay Lohan as an advisor. Not only is she still not in jail after violating her probation last June with a car crash that involved alcohol (and she just rejected a sweet deal to go to rehab instead of jail), but she could really use some money. Win, win!

Authorities have reported finding horsemeat in frozen "beef" meatballs sold in 13 Ikea furniture stores. Thankfully, I've avoided this problem by buying my meatballs at a grocery store.

A black family (whose surname is also Black) is suing Disneyland after an employee in a rabbit costume refused to allow either of the two children in the family to touch him/her. The news report did not reveal the race of the person in costume, but the rabbit reportedly then welcomed hugs from nearby white children. I don't think I'd want some possible plushie hugging onto my kids. But this was Black History month!

The FAA is investigating a video of an airplane full of passengers doing the Harlem Shake at 30,000 feet. Their concern is that doing such dancing while in the air is dangerous. Meanwhile, I am so behind. I just mastered gangnam style!

Agape' -- P


Friday, February 22, 2013

February 22, 2013

Okay, I get the tradition of the "Oops, I coulda had a V8" head pop, but, seriously, how much confidence do you have in your product if you have to bang people in the head to get them to try it?

I agree that Alec Baldwin is now being set up by the papparazzi, but he only has himself to blame.

I liked the work producer Dean Hargrove did twenty-five years ago, breathing new life into the careers of mature actors like Andy Griffith, Dick Van Dyke, and Tom Bosley, casting them as amateur detectives. I can't imagine what stars today could continue that trend

I totally agree that the 'n' word is offensive. What I don't get is why some people don't understand that it's more offensive when used by certain people.

It's so ironic that I watch more movies than I do sports, but I make a bigger deal about Super Bowl Sunday and couldn't care less about Oscar Sunday.

Among the items Jesse Jackson Jr. purchased with the $700,000 he admitted to stealing from his campaign funds are a football autographed by two presidents, a guitar once owned by Eddie Van Halen, and a fedora once owned by Michael Jackson. For an embezzler, he sure was a savvy shopper.

I don't know what news item struck me as funnier: Octomom, single mother of 14, being approved for medical marijuana to treat anxiety, or convicted murderer Drew Peterson's disclosure that he took public image advice from the same advisor who worked for convicted ex-governor Rod Blagojevich. It's weird, laughing out loud at newscasts.

Lay's potato chips has selected three proposed new flavors, one of which will become part of its permanent product line in May. The flavors are sriracha, cheesy garlic bread, and chicken and waffles. Finally, a news item I can care about!

Recording artist Rihanna suffered a scraped knee outside a London nightclub when an angry fan threw a bottle at her. The fan was reportedly upset with Rihanna's decision to reconcile with her previous attacker, Chris Brown. How bizarre is it to respond to Rihanna with more violence?

South African spirit runner Oscar Pistorius testified in court that he shot and killed his girlfriend after mistaking her for an intruder after hearing her in the bathroom during the night; it wasn't until he realized she wasn't in bed next to him that he realized his mistake. A judge granted him bail after deciding it was not premeditated murder. However, do you think anyone will ever share a bed with him again?

Agape' -- P

Friday, February 15, 2013

February 15, 2013

Whose idea was it to base restaurant tips on the bill? It seems unfair that the server who was Johnny-on-the-spot with my piping hot coffee and bear claw gets a smaller tip than the one who took down my order wrong, and made me wait for an ice-cold steak.

I despise false advertising; I was hungry one night, sang the State Farm jingle ("Like a good neighbor...")... still had to make my own doggone sandwich.

Some people may be buying that "too-old-to-care-for-my-duties" excuse, but maybe the pope is stepping down to devote more time to that Twitter account he opened a few months ago.

Most bizarre comment I heard this week was from Harvey Levin, who said that a black pope may help the Catholic church with its "public relations problem."

I just found out that Jolly Rancher also makes a fruity soft candy as well as the fruity hard candy I've known of for years. I better not find out that any of my friends knew about this and didn't tell me.

The TV show My Strange Addiction recently featured a woman so addicted to coffee enemas that she often has four of them a day! I know this may come as a surprise, but I consider that a deal-breaker.

It isn't fair; the twitterverse is all, well, atwitter, about film critic Rex Reed's deplorable comments calling Melissa McCarthy a hippo, but Donald Trump is supposed to overlook comedian Bill Maher's suggestion that Trump's father was an orangutan?

Speaking of Maher, he may not be forced to donate the $5 million to charity that he promised after Donald Trump proved his father was not an orangutan, but at the very least, he should send Trump a muffin basket for suing him and keeping his name in the headlines.

I couldn't help laughing at a mean (not obscene) joke I heard this week, when it occurred to me: I bet you, too, have at least once laughed at an inappropriate joke that you still find funny.

It's unwise to assess your brilliance by the collective intelligence of your peers; you may be hanging out with idiots.

Agape' -- P

Friday, February 8, 2013

February 8, 2013

Maybe if more of us thought before we spoke, fewer of us would respond to us with sarcasm. I know it'd give me a break.

Betty White had her 2nd annual 90th birthday on NBC this week. Do you have to be 90 to revisit your age? Because I'd love to see my 20's again.

Enjoyed SuperBowl 47 this week (btw, I know it's tradition, but the roman numerals are getting annoying), from the coin toss to the halftime show to the Destiny's Child reunion to the 49'ers almost comeback from behind to the Ravens' should-not-have-been-so close victory. Can't help wondering what happened during the 30-minute power blackout that either woke up the 49'ers or sedated the Ravens. I figure there'll be a lot of small talk at the next Harbaugh family dinner, huh?

What I would have loved to see: Papa Harbaugh offering 49'ers coach Jim Harbaugh a Lifesaver after the game.

Who I was rooting for: Beyonce. I don't know anyone in either San Francisco or Baltimore. I have loved ones in Cleveland, but I don't know how they feel about the Ravens. But I would have hated it had Beyonce's voice cracked during the halftime show.

Prediction #1: Jacoby Jones will appear on an upcoming Dancing With the Stars. Prediction #2: he won't be there long.

Was it just me, or were most of the SuperBowl commercials this year not very impressive?

Speaking of SuperBowl commercials #1: I find it ironic that all the cries of racism about the VW ad (where the white guy who owns a VW speaks with a Jamaican accent) are coming from people who aren't Jamaican.

Speaking of SuperBowl commercials #2: I could have been in that Calvin Klein underwear commercial, but everybody decided to go a different way.

As soon as the SuperBowl was over, apparel emblazoned with the slogan: Baltimore Ravens, SuperBowl XLVII Champions went on sale. So how do they recoup the money spent making apparel announcing that the 49'ers were SuperBowl 47 Champs? Maybe that's why the Ravens apparel costs twice as much.

Agape' -- P

Friday, February 1, 2013

February 1, 2013

I propose a beer commercial where guys discover that with every beer, the women around them turn into Beyonce. From what I know about beer goggles, that's a lot more realistic than that yogurt that's supposed to turn guys into John Stamos.

A person with character treats his/her loved ones with tenderness, even if they prefer to be mistreated.

Planning snacks for Super Bowl Sunday: I want spinach/sausage stuffed pizza, buffalo wings, Rolling Rock, and frozen chocolate custard. But I'm planning on baby carrots, sesame sticks, hummus, and iced tea. Reality can be a pain in the bottom, can't it?

Who you are now doesn't have to be who you always will be. Have you always been who you are now?

"Garbage in, garbage out" -- not necessarily true in parenting. Sometimes good parents raise rotten adults, and vice versa.

We are all the product of our experiences. When you think about it, we're all really amateurs.

I have absolutely no evidence of this, but it wouldn't surprise me to learn that the first person to ever use profanity was dealing with family.

Are you ready for the Earth-shattering entertainment news headlines of this week? Jim Nabors announced he was gay, and Randy Travis was sentenced to rehab. Please, nobody hit me with a feather, I might fall over.

How ironic is it that this year marks the 20th anniversary of the film Dazed and Confused, and its star, Jason London, does not quite remember the Arizona drunken bar brawl preceding his arrest last week for disorderly conduct and assault, which preceded him purposely soiling himself in the police car as he was being hauled away. It's like method acting in reverse.

The idea of wearing colors to raise awareness for causes sort of defeats itself when the number of causes is bigger than the numbers of colors. Red stands for heart disease as well as Aids and DUI; purple is for animal abuse, Alzheimer's, fibromyalgia, and domestic abuse; pink is for both breast and testicular cancer... why aren't more people just wearing plaid?

Agape' -- P