November 16, 2012

It is sad that she prefers to be treated badly; it'd be even sadder if you behaved like a jerk to get her attention.

I'd like to believe that most people choose substance over style. But the billions of dollars spent on advertising are there for a reason.

Yes, it's shallow... but have you ever heard a crack so clever that you want to get into an argument so you can repeat it? It's not really worth it, but sometimes it's a really good crack.

Just a big kid at heart; when I eat turkey legs, I like to pretend I'm Fred Flintstone with a big ole brontasaurus leg. Admit it, you know you do it, too.

Thanks a lot, Youtube. Now that anyone can be a celebrity, it's finally cool to be a nobody.

Does it bother anyone that the director of the CIA wasn't better at hiding an affair?

I must have less time on my hands than I thought, because I still haven't learned to dance gangnam style.

Oprah (who doesn't even need a last name anymore) is reportedly launching her own line of organic food and bath products. Something tells me this will be interesting to watch.

I want to open a school to teach people the important lessons that are often overlooked, like not to squeeze toothpaste from the middle, where to keep milk in the refrigerator, and that toilet paper should come out from under the roll. Think I can get funding?

When you know your limits and your motivation, there's room for individuality... even in a group.

Agape' -- P

November 9, 2012

Seeing the presidential candidates as they made public appearances on Election Day made me wonder: does anyone change their minds about a candidate based on a last-minute handshake?

Some bright sides are hard to find. For instance: people with small vocabularies may not realize half the times they're insulted.

It's been over a year since I played Farmville. I miss my neighbors. And I miss my two red-haired virtual dogs, Rascal and Rusty. But I don't miss mucking out my virtual stables and milking my virtual cows every day.

He broke her heart. She found the strength to recover and become even stronger. He wants to take credit for that. He has a lot of nerve.

I think I'd rather say something that makes no sense than repeat something that makes no sense. The repeater missed a chance to realize it made no sense the first time he heard it.

In kindergarten, I decided I didn't like the capital cursive G (as in the General Mills logo) because it looks nothing like a G to me. And I've never looked back.

Jermaine Jackson has filed papers to legally change his name to Jermaine Jacksun, reportedly for "artistic reasons." I didn't understand "Metta World Peace" (formerly Ron Artest), but at least it wasn't the worst idea.

Do you know the theme to the TV show Suburgatory? "Last night I had a pleasant nightmare, da-da-da-da da-da-da-da..." Sometimes it gets stuck in my head. The worst part? That's the only part they play!!!

A woman in Kenya is naming her newborn twins Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. I'm not trying to keep track, but that's two more babies I feel sorrier for than I do Honey Boo Boo.

Maybe she's so quiet because of the reaction she gets when she's being vocal.

Agape' -- P

November 2, 2012

Have you noticed that some people will defend your right to have an opinion, but not your right to disagree?

A study has determined that watching horror films aids weight loss; up to 184(!) calories can be burned by an increased metabolic rate and the speed of blood circulation as the pulse quickens. But I don't need a horror film; the fact that money was spent studying something I learned in grammar school science is already pretty scary.

I'm still waiting for scientists to determine what random phenomenon caused the big bang believed to have created such an orderly universe.

82-year-old Gene Hackman slapped a homeless man who called Hackman's wife a terribly vulgar name. Some people are impressed that Hackman defended his wife, some people are surprised that the homeless man is suing Hackman, but I'm just intrigued because I never hear of men slapping each other any more.

Disney has bought the Star Wars franchise from creator George Lucas, and plans to remake the films. I'm not sure I want to see a Disney version of the Princess Leia/Jabba the Hutt scene from Return of the Jedi. Although Disney's ewoks might be kind of cute.

Americans are projected to have spent $8,000,000,000.00 on Halloween this year. Recession reschmession.

My heart goes out to those victimized by Hurricane Sandy. Meanwhile, Sandy is too cute a name for something causing so much damage. What's next, Tropical Storm Skippy?

A Chinese citizen was granted his divorce because his wife had extensive plastic surgery before they married. The tip-off? A DNA test confirming he truly was the bio dad of their 5-month-old "incredibly ugly" baby. I don't want to encourage it, but I think there's a reality show in the making here. There's actually a child I feel sorrier for than Honey Boo Boo.

Octomom Nadya Suleman reportedly went to rehab due to addiction to the anti-anxiety medication Xanyx. Hmmm... 14 kids, 8 of them 3 years old... bankruptcy... public scrutiny... death threats... a career in porn.... do you think she's stressed?

From the people-still-surprise-me-department: while Hurricane Sandy ravaged the East Coast, there was a large number of New Yorkers using the storm to solicit adult encounters, a/k/a "hurricane hookups" via Craigslist. I guess there's nothing like priorities.

Agape' -- P

October 26, 2012

Sometimes, I envy turtles.

When I feel bad, I ask myself if I've ever felt worse. If the answer is no, then I ask myself if I could feel worse. So far, the answer has always been yes. That helps a lot.

When I feel good, I never ask myself if I've ever felt better. Yay for me.

A 56-year-old woman who has been working at Arby's for 23 years was recently fired for leaving the store to escape from an armed robber. Her statement? She decided that if she was going to be killed, it wasn't going to be at Arby's. Okay, never mind that after 23 years of service without being promoted to management, she should be rewarded (not fired!) just for coming up with that catchy slogan!

One of Magic Johnson's former employees is suing him for wrongful termination. He says he fired her for tardiness; she says she was fired for refusing to test his Red Vines candy for freshness. I say maybe some reporter should be fired for calling this "news."

A San Antonio, TX woman faked her own kidnapping by having herself bound and left in the back of her car, to avoid a day on her job. Her scheme unraveled when police found a lottery ticket she bought at the time she claimed she was abducted at knifepoint. I have questions about this, like (1) how big was the jackpot that tempted her to risk her alibi? and (2) how bad are things on her job that she'd rather spend a day bound in her car than call in sick and spend the day on the Riverwalk? I've been there, it's beautiful!

Early one morning this week, I watched a movie from my youth. The music, the fashion, the attitudes all had me going back and forth between feelings of nostalgia and "what on earth were we thinking?"

At the end of the day, it really is all about the truth.

The words may have similar roots, but experience is not what makes a person an expert.

Sometimes I wonder which is sadder: the state of this world, or the refusal of most people to reach for something better.

Agape' -- P

October 19, 2012

The only value in determining where you got lost is making sure you don't get lost again. It's hard to reach your destination walking backward.

I wonder if we could eliminate a lot of reality television if someone would just produce a show about actual train wrecks.

A judge has ruled that the producers of The Bachelor cannot be forced to select a man of color to star in the competition. As a single, black man, I am so relieved!

A 94-ear-old man from India holds the world record as the world's oldest new parent. Which is more surprising, that the child's birth was planned, or that he says he's looking forward to another one?

The fascination with celebrities is so out of hand! There's nothing wrong with buying the same grooming products as a celeb, if you want to look like them, but being a performer does not qualify them to suggest how I live, how I think, or who I want as a ruler.

Do you think the feverish celeb worship is the reason some of them think they're qualified to address any and all matters? Do they believe there are judges losing sleep about changing legislature to accommodate stars who are postponing getting married? Are dictators in countries around the world worried about a visit from an American movie star?

Just when you think you've heard everything, along comes a news item about Terri Graham, the 44-year-old mother of two who nurses her dog(!) to feel maternal. And would you believe she isn't the first?

I must be slipping; how did I miss national pasta day on October 17?

I don't gamble, but the story about the Massachusetts guy who won $30 mil just after his girlfriend dumped him did make me laugh. What a difference a day makes.

Reality... a good place to visit, but not enough people want to live there.

Agape' -- P

October 12, 2012

If you're not happy there, or it's not a healthy place to be, can you really call it a comfort zone?

If intolerance is the same as hate (and a lot of people think it is), then tolerance must be the same as love; which means I love twice the number of people I thought I loved.

According to the news, a man who had gender reassignment surgery 23 years ago is upset because his doctors will not comply with his request for another surgery to undo his reassignment; after 23 years, he says he realizes he really wasn't a woman in a man's body. I could go into a wordy moral about not tampering with biology, but the point can basically be summed up with the familiar phrase: you break it, you bought it.

Is it just me, or are there even more reality TV shows following the lives of people I neither know nor care about?

Wasington Redskins reserve player Adam Carriker followed through on his promise to be photographed in pro wrestling gear (we're talking man panties) after losing a bet with retired wrestler Bill Goldberg. Are you paying attention, Green Bay Packer Aaron Rodgers?

Why do people complain that Paula Deen's southern accent seems thicker as time goes on, but no one complains about the same thing happening with Sofia Vergara's Latino accent? Could it be because when we look at Sofia Vergara, the last thing we're paying attention to is whatever it is she's saying?

Vanity should not come ahead of functionality; there's nothing impressive about not being as independent as possible.

Before complaining about what someone has done to you, it would help to remember if the person is still alive to say they're sorry.

Nothing cures feeling like a teenager better than talking to a teenager. Maybe we should thank them for helping us remember who we are.

It's amazing, the amount of money, time, and effort spent on correcting the ugly on the outside, but not the inside.

Agape' -- P

October 5, 2012

Doing the right thing is no reason to brag; but it's also no reason to feel shame.

A new study suggests that women speak less when in the company of men. I wonder who would finance such a study. Hmmmm...

Born to Hollywood legends, starring in several successful films, Jamie Lee Curtis' Activia commercials have finally made her a household name. The woman owes her fame to regularity. After all, some people don't go to movies, but everybody... you know.

A Texas woman has filed a lawsuit against Walmart after a 2010 incident when a store clerk ripped up the $100 bill she was using to pay for her purchases, then a store manager ripped up a second $100 bill minutes later. Both store employees accused her of counterfeiting, but were proven wrong when the pieces of money were later verified. I couldn't decide who made the bigger mistake, the clerk, the manager, or the woman who produced a second $100 bill after the first was destroyed. However, if a judge grants the woman the $70,000+ she's suing for when she's only out $200... that would be the biggest mistake.

The expression "be there with bells on" dates back to the pre-automobile days, when people would hang bells on their horse-drawn carriages before travelling to special events. I used to wonder where people would wear their bells.

It's called wallowing because it requires no effort and gets you nowhere.

Disney has announced that beer and wine will soon be sold during dinner in the Magic Kingdom for the first time in 41 years. Some commentors are saying this will finally make Disneyworld the happiest place on earth.

It's ironic, but too much comfort food makes you anything but comfortable.

Often, I'm appalled by the amount of money spent researching things like whether humans are related to butterflies. Then, someone invents gel cushions to make sitting comfortable, and my faith in technology is restored.

How is entertainment supposed to provide an escape when producers are clamoring to reflect the world's misery?

Agape' -- P