May 2, 2014

I'm not a bandwagon type. I have been mulling this over a while now. Although my decision puts me in the company with the Obamas, JayZ and Beyonce, I have to say I won't be attending the Kim/Kanye wedding.

Speaking of Kanye, he is reportedly releasing a 3-hour spoken word album which will feature his world views and feelings about life with Kim Kardashian and their baby North West. I finally have a legitimate reason to repeat this line I've heard in over a dozen movies: I got a bad feeling about this.

The English language is so complicated: the word pitiful means both someone who has pity, and (the definition more commonly used), someone who should be pitied (which is also the meaning of pitiable). The words inflammable and flammable mean the same thing, while the word invalid means the exact opposite of valid. I have a headache.

I was impressed with the gummy vitamin thing, until I realized more than one a day is bad for you. Now, when they come up with a daily dose as satisfying as a jumbo bag of jelly beans? I'm all over that!

I learned via Instagram that a friend of mine admires NBA-banned-for-life L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling. I won't be upset if you admire a racist. But don't announce it on Instagram, causing all my other friends to ask me about it. And don't bring one to my house. That's okay, right?

Some high-profile affluent people are expressing interest in buying the Clippers from Donald Sterling. The list includes Oprah Winfrey, Magic Johnson, Dr. Dre, and Floyd Mayweather. Some white millionaires have also expressed interest, but they barely made headlines.

A Texas middle-school teacher faces felony charges after allegedly giving a 15-year-old student a lap dance in front of the class on his birthday. Note to kids being home-schooled and hating it: it's stories like these that are louder to your parents than the sound of you complaining.

Look, my tongue is in my cheek again: I was going to make some joke speculating on the real reason Toronto mayor Bob Ford is taking a leave of absence, between a clinic that offers liposuction, or a lost weekend at a crack house. Then I found out that he is reportedly going into treatment for substance abuse. How dare he take steps to better himself and keep me from making fun of it.

Applies, strawberries, peaches, grapes, celery, spinach, cucumbers, nectarines, sweet bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, snap peas, and potatoes are all named on the annual report from the Environmental Working Group of dangerous foods testing positive for extreme pesticide residue. You see? This is why I eat more Twinkies than fruits and veggies.

And now, a word definitely meant for someone in particular: it's been a long time since our last hours-long Monday night chat, but now that you're going to be almost 500 miles away, I recall them vividly and fondly. Keep in touch, be happy, and you and your family will forever be part of my family. (Genesis 31:49)

Agape' -- P