May 24, 2013

A true Christian doesn't just believe in Christ, but follows him.

The issue with majority rule is that it assumes the majority is always right.

A painting featuring the late Bea Arthur sold for $1,900,000 last week. What's fascinating about this is not that the picture featured her topless, but that Ms. Arthur never posed for it; the image came from the artist's imagination. So then there isn't Maude.

The Chicago Board of Education voted this week to shut down 50 Chicago public schools. Meanwhile, David Karp, the  26-year-old founder of the Tumblr blogging platform, a Bronx high school dropout, sold his company to Yahoo! this week for $1,900.000.000 (that's enough for 100 Bea Arthur nudes!). Coincidence? Of course. Ironic? Yep.

Police were called to a Denver Starbucks when an altercation began after a couple changed the diaper on their one-year-old son in the seating area, because there was no changing table in the restroom. This has sparkd a controversy as people debate what would have been an appropriate thing to do; yet another debate that began with a dump.

Even a person who is disrespected is not a person who is disregarded.

Maury Povich recently celebrated the 2,500th episode of The Maury Povich Show. That's a lot of DNA and polygraph tests. Meanwhile, The Jeff Probst Show, which highlighted inspirational stories of people surviving tragedies and turning their lives around, has been cancelled for low ratings. But don't despair: the Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, and Real Housewives are still on TV.

Considering that the definition of celebrity has expanded to include reality stars and sex tape participants, I can sympathize with performers who no longer want to be labeled as celebrities. But would Kanye, Beyonce, and Bieber really rather be obscure and broke? Because that can be arranged.

A mother in Utah made her fourth grader wear clothes from a thrift store to school for two days after learning the child had been relentlessly teasing a classmate about her clothes for three weeks. While this was a creative way to teach her daughter a lesson; I hope the child isn't learning that used clothing is punishment.

I was watching a game of Beer Pong when I realized how similar it is to Bozo's Circus' Grand Prize Game. It makes me wonder how many other childhood games I'd still be playing if we added beer.

Agape' -- P

May 17, 2013

Last week, I posted news about a river guide who was swallowed then regurgitated alive by a hippopotamus. I did not know at the time that the attack occurred 17 years ago, but made news last week because the victim was finally sharing his story with the press. I apologize for being unclear last week, and no, this does not count as one of this week's thoughts:


A clear sign that you need time away from the people around you: eyes strained from rolling.

Do you think a lot of the current issues plaguing the world would be solved if they'd just consult the guys at the barber shop?

One reason to start journalling: to identify what events led to the moment you snapped.


Kanye West lost his temper with a paparazzi photog after he (Kanye) walked into a street sign while walking with girlfriend Kim Kardashian. Kanye says he collided with the sign (which read "Wrong Way"; how's that for irony?) because he was keeping his head down to avoid another photog. Nice job, guy.

From the "Now I've Heard Everything" desk: There is a movement to have 19-year-old Boston marathon bombing suspect  Dzhokhar Tsarnaev released from federal custody. A significant number of Twitter followers of the #freejihar movement have posted tweets indicating that Tsarnaev is "too beautiful" to be a terrorist.

I'm very impressed with Angelina Jolie, who revealed this week that she had a double mastectomy to avoid breast cancer after a test revealed she had a genetic probability of 87% for the disease. What a powerful way to take control of her medical future. And, as a testament to modern advances in medicine, while dealing with this these past several months, she continued to make public appearances, and no one culd tell.

The New York Post is reporting on a new trend among wealthy Manhattan attendees at amusement parks: hiring wheelchair-bound patrons to pose as family members to help them get moved to the head of long waiting lines. These "black market guides" can earn more than $130 per hour for this service. According to one commentator, this is an ingenious way to give employment to the disabled.

An American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to NewYork made an emergency stop in Kansas City to take a passenger into custody because she would not stop singing Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. I haven't decided if this is just a very bizarre story, or a big posthumous diss to the late diva. One thing that's clear: they will not always love her.

A Jupiter, Florida man accidentally shot himself in the leg at a bowling alley when he swung his bowling ball, and bumped the revolver in his pocket, once again proving that exercise can be dangerous.




Some of us really work hard to make it all about ourselves. Are you really affected if your brother's girlfriend's uncle's plumber's neighbor won the lottery?

Agape' -- P

May 10, 2013

Someone just said to me that people are too busy these days to be courteous. That'a so sad.

A 105-year-old woman credits her longevity to eating bacon. Does anyone know if she's single? Because we might be able to make this work.

Have you seen those TV commercials for Swiffer where the old broom, mop, and feather duster find love with the old, broken down items in the attic or the garage, while the Isley Brothers' "Who's That Lady?" plays in the background? Finally, something creepier than that talking E-trade baby.

Professional cuddlers Jackie Samuels and Kitty Mansfield charge between $300 and $500 per day to spend the night cuddling with their clients. By definition, this is not prostitution, as cuddling is all they promise to do. Meanwhile, lifesize teddy bears range in price between $80 and $200. Look for bargains, people!

You learn a lot from nursery rhymes: Itsy Bitsy Spider teaches us about resilience and perseverance; Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star reminds us of the vast, unexplored universe around us, and Rock-a-bye Baby warns us against suspending cradles in tall trees.

Honey Boo Boo's mother, Mama June, married her boyfriend Sugar Bear, in a backyard ceremony, recorded for the family's reality show. The bride's colors were orange and camouflage, while the guests were asked to wear "redneck attire". I suspect they waited until after Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's DisneyLand vow repeat last week so that their ideas wouldn't be stolen. Meanwhile, I hope this doesn't mean Sugar Bear (a/k/a Mr. Mama Boo Boo) will give up his career promoting Post Golden Crisp cereal.

Two incredible stories of survival were in the news this week: three women, who'd all been kidnapped and held captive in a Cleveland home for the past 10 years, were rescued; a river guide was swallowed whole by a two-ton hippo in Africa, then regurgitated alive by the animal. This kind of survival says a lot about perspective, doesn't it?

Not only did Charles Ramsey, the neighbor who helped the three Cleveland captives, give a hilarious interview (the words "dead giveaway" will have me laughing for days), but he promptly insisted that any promised reward money, reportedly numbering into the thousands, be given to the three victims, because he already has a job. And the restaurant where he works is selling "Cleveland's Hero" tee-shirts with Ramsey's face on them, to raise even more money for the victims. Now that's class.

By the way, because Charles Ramsey mentioned that the rescue of the Cleveland captives interrupted his McDonald's takeout meal, representatives of the fast food chain tweeted him a promise that "they'd be in touch". Maybe he could do for McD's what Jared did for Subway? Land of opportunity, people.

Here's a sobering thought: one of the men charged with kidnapping and imprisoning the three women in Cleveland is a school bus driver. You don't have to be a parent to find that scary.

Agape' -- P

May 3, 2013

I know I'm officially unhip, because I think twerking makes you look like you're having a seizure on a toilet... without the toilet.

A New Hampshire man is accusing carnival owners of rigging a game when he, after losing $300 trying to win an Xbox Kinect, went home to get his life savings ($2300!), and lost it as well. I haven't decided what makes me sadder, that news footage shows he has a toddler to support, that he did win a man-sized stuffed banana with dreadlocks, or that he could have bought an Xbox Kinect for about $250.

In case you have not heard the news, Washington Wizards center Jason Collins set the world on its ear this week with the announcement that he is indeed black.

I tried again this week, but I still haven't been able to eat pudding without smiling. I haven't given up, though; I will keep trying, just for all of you, and the pursuit of science.

The president of McDonald's reports that the fast food chain is exploring the feasibility of making the breakfast menu available all day. While I'm in favor of that, I'd be more impressed if they would find a way to have my order ready so that I don't have to leave the drive-thru and wait.

I don't do holidays, but I sometimes wonder if July 4 is as big a deal in Mexico as Cinco de Mayo is in the U.S.

I guess you're never too old to learn. I discovered this week that I've been misspelling Albuquerque for years. Thankfully, I haven't used it much.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been getting criticized for renewing their vows in a lavish Disneyland ceremony to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. Having never been married, even I know it's a rookie mistake, setting the bar so high this early in a marriage. But what I don't get is, if they could spend $200,000 on this celebration, couldn't they have hired a DJ, instead of the groom having to do it himself?

There are times when I think a pinata full of anti-depressants would be a great gift.

I think more people would have dogs if they could all be trained to do this.

Agape' -- P

April 26, 2013

Has anyone who's ever been hurt found comfort in the words "They meant well"?

Note to Beyonce: celebrities who demand that no one publish unflattering photos of them only encourage people to take unflattering photos of them.

It's ironic that actress Reese Witherspoon asked the officer arresting her for disorderly conduct "Do you know who I am?" because now, everybody does.

From the Integrity in Media Department: People magazine has named actress Gwyneth Paltrow the world's most beautiful woman, "coincidentally" just in time for the release of Iron Man 3. No offense to Ms. Paltrow, but I personally know dozens of women who I assume weren't on the planet when this decision was made.

Vanilla Ice will be starring in a new "reality" show titled Vanilla Ice Goes Amish, where the one-hit rapper will move into an Amish community. Ironically, his neighbors are, by nature, protected from seeing this show.

The Live Below the Line campaign is encouraging people to live on a daily food budget of $1.50 per day for five days to increase awareness of the 1,400,000,000 people living below the poverty line worldwide. If you're already aware (which you are if you read the previous sentence), wouldn't it be more helpful to donate money to efforts to improve their living conditions?

A woman who went to the bathroom at a zoo in Kansas came face to face with a 250-lb. tiger that had escaped its cage. Reports say that the woman calmly turned around, and left the bathroom to alert zoo workers. I have a feeling that first, she went to the bathroom again.

A New York man who went to the police station to report his I-phone stolen was surprised when he called the number, and police heard it ringing from a holding cell. It turns out that the thief, who'd been arrested on a different burglary charge, had hidden the phone in his rectum. I could make all kinds of jokes about this being an actual booty call, or wanting to know what cell provider gives such powerful coverage, but I just want to remind everyone: if you're going to hide a phone in any bodily orifice, set it to vibrate.

Virgin Airlines has introduced a new text messaging service to encourage passengers to flirt with one another during flights. Remember the days when the only person you had to worry about annoying you was the one in the next seat?

Within one minute of a false tweet about a White House explosion that injured President Obama (the Twitter account for the Associated Press was hacked), the Dow Jones plummeted more than 100 points. This demonstrates the vulnerable side of technology, and the need to temper our reliance on it with common sense.

Agape' -- P

April 19, 2013

Am I just incredibly anal, or does it annoy anyone else when a movie that isn't even in theaters yet is advertised as "the best movie of 2013" in the middle of April?

Somebody save me from people who are so into their own hidden agendas that they can't even answer a simple question because they're too busy trying to figure out what you really mean.

How many of us have chosen that relationship where you see that gentle side that no one else sees, but you forget about the repulsive side that everybody else sees? Because you're going to have to deal with that side, too.

Thanks to mobile credit card apps, people are using plastic to pay for prostitution. Wouldn't it be ironic if this was the future that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates wanted?

This is my last chance to blog this before his reality TV show premieres next week: Does anyone really care about What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

I was impressed by Kid Rock's announcement that he would drop the ticket prices for his concert tour to $20 as a protest for the ticket prices for Jay-z and Justin Timberlake's tour, which range betwern $50 and $250+. Ironically, I'm not interested in going to any concert, even for $20. But I'm still impressed.

Three men were seized by religious police during s heritage and cultural festival in Saudi Arabia, and were deported from the country, because they were reportedly so handsome, the authorities were worried that the women would not be able to resist them. I know I give everyone the impression that it's because I can't afford it, but this is the real reason i don't travel... too much responsibility.

After 25 years on TV, and helping track down 1,100 real fugitives, America's Most Wanted has been cancelled. Meanwhile, there are dozens of lawsuit-over-unpaid-debts court shows, several you-are/are-not-the-daddy talk shows, and dozens of follow-me-while-I-find-someone-to-fight/hookup-with "reality" shows. Just giving the viewing public what it wants.

An anti-circumcision group known as the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project (I could not make this stuff up) is criticizing Oprah Winfrey for endorsing a face cream that uses human circumcision discards as a product ingredient. Remember when the cattle industry went after Oprah for a spontaneous statement about red meat? Talk about irony!

I am loathe to give the impression that I'm minimizing or trivializing the tragedies of the Boston bombings or the Texas plant explosion this week. But I will say this: don't put off giving a hug to someone you love today.

Agape' -- P

April 12, 2013

If you truly believe that Christ died for all mankind, is there any stranger who doesn't at least deserve your respect?

Between the new social media trend of posting pictures of dogs wearing tights or panty hose, and the underground business of selling ferrets on steroids as toy poodles, this certainly isn't a week for kindness to animals. How bizarre can things be?

A New York street performer dressed as the Cookie Monster insisted on posing for a picture with a 2-year-old, then asked the boy's mother for $2. When she couldn't pay, he verbally assaulted her, and shoved her son to the ground, for which he was promptly arrested. Another street performer dressed as Dora the Explorer waited until after the arrest to approach the mother for money, too. Again, I ask, how bizarre can things be?

Wesley Snipes was released from federal prison this week after being jailed in 2010 for not paying income taxes. Wesley will be under house arrest for the rest of his sentence, which ends in July. In this current Bobby Brown/Lindsay Lohan courthouse revolving door climate, did anyone even remember Wesley Snipes was in prison?

A New Zealand film lover was awarded a refund after complaining that a scene that appeared in the trailer for the film Jack Reacher was cut from the final film. A United Airlines flight was diverted so that a family with young children could be removed by police after the parents complained that the in-flight movie Alex Cross was inappropriate for children. The moral of the story? I don't know, but I do know that I've endured a lot of rotten movies and got nothing.

It cracks me up that some consumers from West Virginia are complaining about negative cultural stereotypes being perpetuated by the MTV reality show Buck Wild (which, by the way, has been cancelled following the recent, tragic death of its star, Shain Gandee, which should be the bigger issue). Negative cultural stereotypes is something that people of color have been dealing with for centuries.

Just when you thought it was safe to watch the news: it was all over the headlines last week that Justin Bieber is wearing bangs again. And you were there.

Also making headlines last week was the scandal over Rutgers athletic director verbally and physically assaulting players during basketball practice. Of course, it is wrong for coaches to attack players in their charge. However, this has been going on for decades, and was not a well-kept secret. Is the general public only now finding this egregious?

LL Cool J and Brad Paisley have collaborated on a song called The Accidental Racist. The idea is supposedly to address a chasm between the historically divergent groups of southern people and black people. But, with lyrics like "If you don't judge my do-rag, I won't judge your red flag" and "If you don't judge my gold chains, I'll forget the iron chains", is it really going to bridge the gap, or just make it wider?

Laugh. You'll feel better.

Agape' -- P