January 24, 2014

It is an under appreciated triumph, but you really do score a victory when you don't let evil diminish your joy, or even worse, corrupt your character.

Perspective is a major cosmic joke; the things that you never want to miss when you're younger become rather fleeting when you get older. Meanwhile, the little things that mean the most when you're older were taken for granted when you were younger.

The case against Justin Bieber, who was arrested for DUI on Thursday, may be in jeopardy. Instead of the 0.04 blood alcohol reading that was reported, Bieber's actual reading is now being reported as 0.014. This news disappoints a lot of people who can't wait for the 19-year-old repeated scofflaw to get his comeuppance.

I like this quote from Ben Franklin: "Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see." I just wish I'd been reminded of it by a historian instead of a celebrity involved in a sex scandal.

A 49-year-old man was arrested for DUI by Italian police in Udine. When confronted with the results from two blood alcohol tests, the desperate man snatched the reports from the officer, tore them into pieces, and ate them. He now faces charges of both DUI and resisting arrest. I guess he never heard of carbon paper or copy machines.

Okay, first, there was the Squatty Potty. Now, the newest bathroom innovation sweeping the viral community is the "tandem toilet", common in football and soccer stadiums in Russia, discovered by a news correspondent at the location for the Winter Olympics at Sochi. While there are established health benefits to the Squatty Potty, I see no such reason for this; in fact, I think that's carrying togetherness a bit far.

Ever since I heard the news that the 39-year-long marriage of the Captain and Tenille is ending, I haven't been able to get their signature song, Love Will Keep us Together, out of my head. Too bad they can't say the same.

A cautionary tale for the modern day: a lesbian couple who wanted to have a baby turned to Craigslist, asking for a volunteer to donate sperm fir artificial insemination. A 47-year-old man from Kansas answered the ad and donated sperm. A contract between the three of them absolved the sperm donor of any financial responsibility. however, when the couple became financially strapped and applied for state benefits, the state petitioned to have the donor declared a parent and thereby responsible for child support. According to law, the contract signed by the three parties is only effective if the donation was acquired by a doctor. The moral of the story is: always read the fine print before you donate sperm to broke, childless lesbians.

The makers of Oreo cookies are releasing two new flavors soon: Cookie Dough (the same chocolate cookies, but with a tan, chocolate chip creme in the middle), and Marshmallow Crispy (vanilla cookies with a crisped rice spotted creme in the middle). Some Oreo purists are complaining, but I don't see why; the original isn't going away. Besides, the company's past additions, Double Stuff, Fudge Covered, and my personal fave, the Oreo Brownie (shudder), have all been very, very good to me.

Now, a message that may or may not be directed to anyone in particular: No, I don't think referring to covert military maneuvers as "black ops" is racist.

Agape' -- P